The Baby Name Critic had not yet been called to service when Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, a couple claiming to be Hollywood talents, gave life to their firstborn, a girl child unfortunately named Lincoln. If the Baby Name Critic had been writing for hire then, she might have said: Do not name your daughter after a geriatric brand of automobile/the 16th male president. Really, must we burden our young women by giving them both the first names and the surnames of men? A better solution for parents interested in honoring Lincoln's values, but also bolstering the feminist cause, would be to name your daughter after a strong woman of the Civil War era: Harriet (Tubman or Beecher Stowe!). Clara. Lucretia. All stunning names.

Forget gays getting married — the Supreme Court's decision to strike down DOMA finally allows Veronica Mars star and sloth aficionado Kristen Bell to tie the knot with long-time fiance/professional punker Dax Shepard.

Following a successful fan-driven fundraising campaign on the website Kickstarter, actress Kristen Bell's child finally consented to begin production on her life by being born Thursday.

Veronica Mars survivor Kristen Bell was on Dancing with the Degeneres this afternoon and shared a videotape of her first meeting with a sloth. She freaked the fuck out. Apparently she has loved sloths her whole life, and when her fiance, comedian Dax Shepard, went to introduce her to the hairy couch potato, she absolutely lost her shit.

Yes, the melodrama comedian guy is going a very different route for his next movie. Also today: the mother of all apocalypse yarns is on its way to the big screen, while The Kennedys finds a home on the small.

In addition to discussing the difficulties of three-way kissing, Kristen Bell talked to Chelsea Handler about being a Jersey Shore superfan, as well as receiving strange, possibly drunk, texts from Cher. You can drunk text us anytime, Cher!

Yep. He has one right now. Also today: Cruise's wife gets in bed with two people, but only one man, Scream 4 adds some more victims, a Glee rumor appears true, and some sexy nerd ladies arrive at SyFy's doorstep.

Today at Gawker.TV, Rachael Ray and Shaq grocery shop together, Will Ferrell's Big Lake, Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence make us flash back to the 90s, and Stephen Colbert is upset with Newsweek's list of the world's best countries.

The music video for Yeasayer's new single "Madder Red" is causing discussion for more than just its smooth grooves. Squeaky-clean Kristen Bell stars in the video as the owner of a disgusting pet monster that happens to be dying.

Would two posts in one day about the comically atrocious PR work of 5WPR be too many? Yes. Too bad. We are obligated—if only as a cautionary tale—to bring you these examples of 5W's incompetent manufactured celebuquotes.

Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend. At least Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have reason to celebrate. And, sadly we've been heavy on the deaths lately including TheStreet.com editor Dave Morrow and Boston Legal star Justin Mentell.

If ten years ago someone were to tell you that Mel Gibson was going to be killed someday by blue space monkeys, you'd have figured them just as crazy as he is, right? Well you'd have been the crazy one!

• The cast of MTV's Jersey Shore officially signed on for season two over the weekend. (Although MTV may now be forced to rename the show, since the cast could be spending next season in the Hamptons.) If you need something to tide you over until the summer, you could always go out and pick up Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's new cologne, which is appropriately named "The Sitch" and smells like a mix of self-tanner, Axe body spray, and some random girl's perfume. [Us, NYP, P6]
• So much for those rumors about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie splitting up. At the Director's Guild of America Awards in LA on Saturday night, the couple looked "as happy as can be," Pitt pulled a chair out for his wife (what a gentleman!), and he spent the evening gently caressing her back. [Us, People]
• Did you miss the Grammys last night? Lady Gaga wore a dress that looked like a fifth-grade solar system science project before descending into a fire pit and then playing piano opposite a crystal-encrusted Elton John; Pink did a Cirque de Soleil-esque performance in a nude bodysuit, twirling on a trapeze and singing upside down; Beyonce won a record-breaking six Grammys; Taylor Swift walked away with four, including album of the year; and the crowd was treated to a 3-D tribute to Michael Jackson as well as brief speeches by two of his kids, Prince and Paris. Click through for the list of winners and the fashion highlights/lowlights. [People, NYP, NYDN, MTV, People]

It all started when Will.i.am got a microphone; it got worse when Ryan Seacrest told a joke. Tiger Woods' yacht docks, Charlize Theron gets a divorce, Mary J. Blige throws a tantrum. Monday gossip roundup, at your service.

Every morning the posters from When in Rome, the rom-com starring Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel, taunt me. This movie will suck and potentially ruin their careers. There is nothing wrong with sticking to TV. Actually, it's their best bet.

Uma Thurman and Arki Busson kissing on a park bench ... Vera Wang standing outside Harry Cipriani on Fifth Avenue and 59th Street ... Whitney Port walking downtown ... Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez having dinner at Nobu 57 ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school ... Ashley Judd getting out of an SUV in Midtown ... Ashlee Simpson getting out of a cab ... Kristen Bell arriving at Good Morning America in Times Square ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley standing on the set of Gossip Girl ... singer Charlotte Gainsbourg shopping in SoHo ... and the kids from Jersey Shore partying at Greenhouse.

Super-publicist Peggy Siegal is turning 62 today. David Hasselhoff turns 57. Donald Sutherland is 74. Producer Mark Burnett is 49. Phyllis Diller is 92. Defense attorney Peter Neufeld is turning turns 59. Linda Gibbs, the Deputy Mayor of Health and Human Services, is turning 50 today. Comedian Beth Littleford is 41. View producer Bill Geddie is turning 54. Lucie Arnaz, the daughter of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, is 58. Author and blogger Cory Doctorow is 38. And old-time TV host Art Linkletter turns 97 today. A list of people with birthdays this weekend—including Chace Crawford, Ian Schrager, and Steve Forbes—is below.

Someone is shopping a tape of Leighton Meester boning an ex-boyfriend, Robert Pattinson gets hit by a cab, Jennifer Garner tries to breakup Ben Affleck and Kevin Smith, Susan Boyle goes bonkers again and Beyonce screws over a club owner.

Two Elisabeths get cast in movies, a playwright and a theater actress walk into a pitch meeting with HBO... Law & Order: Sex Police will continue on in its sexy way.

Click through for more pics of some of the famous faces in the front row at Fashion Week over the weekend.