This Christmas, let's all say a prayer for Angelina Jolie and the adversity she faces in her blessed marriage to human golden retriever Brad Pitt.

It's been 7 months since Zach Galifianakis interviewed the president on his intentionally awkward internet talk show Between Two Ferns, and now he's back to interviewing "dumb actors" while you laugh from a cringing position. First up: Bradley Pits.

What's up with Brad Pitt these days? [Pop] [lock] [extended windmill] [exagerrated shrug], basically. At least that's what Pitt('s stunt double) told Jimmy Fallon('s stunt double) in their interview last night, which was conducted in the form of breakdancing.

You ever have a friend who was obsessed with your life? Always tryin' to stay over your house and learn your family members' names, then speaking to and about them in a familial tone? Saying, of you and your partner, "Oh my God, I love you guys together. You're seriously like my favorite couple. I wish I were part of the couple. Haha, is that weird? Just kidding, obviously, I like you guys together. Do you ever feel like I am part of the couple?"

Used to be Angelina Jolie showed everyone she was a wild angel by allowing the actor Billy Bob Thornton to perform acts of coitus with her and having a godawful dragon tattoo. Now that she's more mature, she has to dream up new ways to subvert our perceptions—of what a bride should wear on her wedding day; of what is and is not appropriate to do with the actor Billy Bob Thornton.

Back before Bryan Cranston was winning Emmys and making out with Julia Louis Dreyfus, he was hawking hemorrhoid cream. Brad Pitt once tried his hardest to make eating Pringles look like a sexy, fun thing to do. Now you can watch those auspicious debuts and more in this "Before They Were Famous" supercut.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got late-in-life married last Saturday and no judgement!!! Only happy and excited for them to finally have the wonderful lives they deserve. Here is everything we know about the event of an aeon (thanks to a Jolie-Pitt spokesperson and our friends at Newsday).

Brad Pitt is speaking out after a "prankster" attacked him at the Maleficent premiere last week, saying the creepy celebrity stalker did more than just grab his face.

Ukrainian "prankster" and red-carpet reporter Vitalii Sediuk has struck again, literally — he jumped over a barrier and punched Brad Pitt in the face last night at the Los Angeles premiere of Maleficent. Angelina was elsewhere, signing autographs and looking intense. Police say that Pitt wasn't seriously injured and that Sediuk was charged with battery.

Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey may have been separated by a busy street, but they still found a way to share the party.

Michael Hastings' book on the Afghanistan war, The Operators, is set to be made into a movie, and Brad Pitt is reportedly being tapped to play Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the Bud Light Lime-swilling war architect who lost his job thanks to Hastings' unflattering profile.

Monday morning, the internet was abuzz with word that Brad Pitt, celebrity father, has joined Chinese Twitter, Sina Weibo. Even more exciting was his first message to Chinese fans: "It is the truth. Yup, I'm coming…"

Every year on December 25th, Jesus throws himself a huge birthday party and everyone is invited and everyone brings a present for someone else (unique gifting idea coined by Jesus) and it is just, like, known that this day is Jesus' birthday so you shouldn't make any other plans.

Killing Them Softly is so heavy-handed, it features the Velvet Underground's "Heroin" during a scene in which a character shoots up heroin. But it's so cool that the instrumental section plays — you have to know the song to get it.

Jennifer Aniston's fiancé allegedly invited Brad and Ang to her wedding. Jolie's wedding gift: burning down the church.

Which of the Jolie-Pitt kids do you think will be the first to crack and write a book about growing up as one of the world's most glamorous itinerants? That's a rhetorical question. It's Pax.

Chanel No. 5 debuted its much-heralded new commercial starring Brad Pitt on Monday, though it's only a Chanel No. 5 commercial inasmuch as Brad Pitt throws out "Chanel No. 5" toward the end of the spot—a hail Mary pass hurled forth from a bog of nonsensical fortune cookie half-wisdoms.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are expected to become married against their will this weekend, thanks to the Power of Positive Thinking.

Pickled celery stalk Jon Voight has rushed to Jane Pitt's defense after the charming love letter she wrote to Missouri's Springfield News-Leader surfaced last week. "Good for her," for expressing her homophobic views, Voight told Fox News.

On Tuesday Brad Pitt's hometown paper published a hyper conservative letter-to-the-editor from his mom that stopped just short of identifying Barack Hussein Obama as a Muslim terrorist. Now his close personal friends (everyone on the Internet) cannot stop gossiping about it.