Poor Newt Gingrich, things just aren't going as perfectly as he'd imagined in this early presidential campaign of strange nonsense. Consider this fellow Gingrich met in Iowa yesterday. He doesn't want to be Gingrich's friend; he just wants to chastise him for throwing Rep. Paul Ryan under the bus. "Why don't you get out before you make a bigger fool of yourself?" he tells Gingrich, while still shaking his hand for like ten seconds.

Elderly bombthrower Newt Gingrich, our generation's less talented Richard Nixon, has only been an official presidential candidate for less than a week, but he's already going out of his way to annoy and confuse everyone all the time.

For reasons unknown to anyone outside of his own team of advisers, Newt Gingrich announced his 2012 presidential candidacy yesterday in a tweet that linked to a YouTube video. So why is Gingrich, who first entered Congress more than 30 years ago, suddenly trying to appear young and hip? Nobody knows, really! But that didn't stop Jon Stewart from hypothesizing—and pointing out just how uncool Gingrich really is—on tonight's Daily Show.

Newt Gingrich is in it, and he's in it to win it! He is running for president of America, in 2012. He announced this on Twitter around 4:30 this afternoon, just as he promised two days ago that he'd announce it on Twitter. Kind of kills the spontaneity of it all, no? And the tweet linked to his announcement video at Newt.org, which hasn't been loading ever since. We used our master sleuth skills to find it on YouTube, but still: Improve your traffic capacity, candidate.

Well, we have two days for him to back out of it again, but former House Speaker and cuddly animal lover Newt Gingrich is launching a presidential campaign.

The first debate of the 2012 Republican presidential primary season is on May 5. That's but one se'en-day away! Fox News is sponsoring, live from South Carolina. The setting has all the trappings of a lively Republican political discussion about our nation's future. But as of now, only a handful of potential candidates plan on showing. What's up with all the other losers?

Citizens United, the conservative production company behind ACLU: At War With America, the Tea Party Trilogy, and the permanent destruction of the last trace of democracy in America, has put together its latest DVD dealy starring Newt and Callista Gingrich! A City Upon The Hill: The Spirit of American Exceptionalism also features cameos from Andrew Breitbart, Michele Bachmann, and incoming president for life, Donald Trump. It's about how lovely this country is and why liberals don't get that and want to make it more like the evil socialist countries in Yurp. Newt doesn't do full frontal, but there's definitely some nip action. [via Ben Smith]

Pity Newt Gingrich, the unpopular politician from the 1990s who now wants to be president. He raised only $53,000 in the first quarter of 2011. Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney, for perspective, raised $2.2 and $1.9 million respectively.

Newt Gingrich, one of the serious Republican candidates for president, is back on the subject of Muslims this week. He's not just concerned that Muslims proper will co-opt his grandchildren when they come of age. He's worried about a new ultra-breed of Muslims, Atheist Muslims, performing the dirty work. Have you heard of these people? They probably live in cities.

Possible presidential candidate Newt Gingrich does have at least one confirmed non-sociopathic trait: He's a big wildlife conservationist! Watch him talk about endangered tigers and such in this clip from a recent trip to the Palm Beach Zoo, and note how sober and agreeable he sounds when he's not just spouting off on Fox News or Twitter or whatever.

"Flip-flopping" can be a pretty weak charge, because sometimes politicians change their minds as more information comes through. Still: C'mon, Newt Gingrich.

Tonight, Stephen Colbert discussed probable Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. Colbert noted that Gingrich must "explain his past positions; specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife." That was just the beginning.

Presidential half-contender Newt Gingrich sat down with the Christian Broadcasting Network to discuss such past indiscretions as cheating on his two previous wives with their eventual successors. And Gingrich, at least "partially," blamed his conduct during these episodes on his love for America. Wait, what?

The Republicans' slow limp towards the 2012 election will attempt another lunge forward today in Iowa, as some of the declared, half-declared, and likely future declarers meet for their first candidates' forum. While it's exciting that they'll be in the same physical location in an actual early battleground state, though, it's unclear how much interaction they'll have.

Do you know who Herman Cain is? It's okay, because no one else really does either. But he might be running for president! And he has some serious qualifications: Cain used to run the Godfather's Pizza chain. Mmm. And if that doesn't tempt your taste buds, the AP has some more info on this mysterious pizza man:

It's all happening, people. Newt Gingrich, a politician from the 1990s, is officially running for president! No wait, he's just forming an official presidential exploratory committee! No wait, he's just officially "exploring" a presidential bid! Yes, that last one. That's what Newt Gingrich announced he is doing today.

Fox News' Bret Baier told viewers late this morning that the network has suspended its "contributor arrangements" with Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum for 60 days while they decide on their possible presidential bids. It's just "Fox policy," and the "suspensions will be lifted on May 1 if they notify the network by then that they are not planning to run."

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich will announce the formation of an exploratory committee—the first stage in presidential candidacy—on Thursday, according to a longtime aide. Or, that's not what he's doing at all, according to another longtime aide. Oh, boy, this will be fun!

Newt Gingrich, the 1990s' top Tyrannosaurus rex fanboy, is going to make a decision about running for president this week. If he does, which appears "likely," then he'd be the second candidate to form a presidential exploratory committee.

Newt Gingrich tweeted something marvelous the other day, in response to a typical, prodding liberal questioning his belief in dinosaurs: "not only do I believe in dinosaurs I had a t rex skull in speakers office to remind us they used to think they were important too." Bullshit. You had the skull of a Tyrannosaurus Rex in your House Speaker's office, to teach life lessons? That belonged in a museum! No but really, it was the Smithsonian's property.