Staffless, broke anachronism Newt Gingrich is still running for president, hoping in vain that his campaign can save face and survive until Labor Day. Is there any good news for Gingrich, for whom there hasn't been any in at least 16 miserable years? Yes! Many people follow him on Twitter.

You know why Mitt Romney will win the Republican nomination for president? Because he has the most money, the end.

So this, this is what a web video for a presidential campaign with no money looks like: Get out the video camera, Metro over to the Federal Reserve for a couple of exterior shots, Metro back to some closet you rent out as an office, and babble about a Federal Reserve audit that already has plenty of support in Congress with or without a once-in-a-century intellectual force like Newt Gingrich as the driving force behind it.

We all know that broke, friendless presidential candidate Newt Gingrich loves Tiffany & Co enough to have held a $250,000 - $500,000 credit account at the high-end jeweler. But did you know he loves the place so much he had a second, $500,000 - $1 million line of credit? And also he dyed his hair Tiffany blue?

Newt Gingrich still had some presidential campaign staffers after 16 of his top aides quit en masse a couple of weeks ago. It only takes a few, right? Perhaps. But his top campaign finance advisers just quit too, so he really should end his campaign and take whatever few dollars remain to pay himself a PAC salary for a few months.

Word continues to leak out about why Newt Gingrich's campaign fired him last week, and the answer continues to be: Callista Gingrich.

Today TMZ released something far worse than anything Anthony Weiner accidentally Tweeted: a shirtless photo of Newt Gingrich. The corpulent pastiness is enough to give you nightmares! What's even worse is that corpulent pastiness belongs to Newt Gingrich.

Tonight in New Hampshire, seven Republican candidates for president in 2012—including Michele Bachmann who just announced her candidacy—shared the stage for the primary season's first debate. The showdown was moderated by CNN's John King, who asked tough questions like "American Idol or Dancing with the Stars?"

Newt Gingrich, outsider candidate for president, addressed reporters at his decidedly inside-the-Beltway home in McLean, Virginia this morning, regarding yesterday's hilarious mass quitting of 16 top staffers. No, he's not ending his campaign, you amoral leeches. In fact yesterday's implosion was quite liberating! Now he can run the brilliant, innovative campaign he's always wanted, freed from the calcified constraints of the "traditional consulting community."

Several outlets are reporting that most of Newt Gingrich's senior staffers for his presidential campaign have abruptly quit en masse. This appears to be what Beltway insiders call a "hilarious total implosion."

The flatfoots at Politico have finally discovered the missing bodies of Newt and Cally Gingrich, somewhere off the rocky shores of Greece and Turkey. The two are still alive, which makes sense, since all they're doing is taking a luxury cruise.

A few weeks of casually campaigning for president has already exhausted Newt and Callista Gingrich, who are taking a vacation to an undisclosed location. Wherever it is, they might as well just... stay there.

Perhaps the opposition researchers who dumped that story about Newt Gingrich's $250,000-$500,000 "revolving charge account" at Tiffany & Co. only wanted people to make fun of his gilded lifestyle, but it also raises more concrete, scandalous questions. Namely: Why would Tiffany's give the Gingriches a no-interest credit account?

Newt Gingrich's trashing of Rep. Paul Ryan's Medicare privatization plan on last Sunday's Meet the Press sparked a united Republican revolt against him, one much worse than anything the left is capable of doing to its own. All but four House Republicans had voted for Ryan's plan a matter of weeks ago, after all, and they're not keen on hearing internal dissent voiced in such places as Sunday morning's top political talk show, during the launch of a campaign.

Did you catch yesterday's ridiculous press release by Newt Gingrich's waning presidential campaign? Stephen Colbert wasn't prepared to give the statement a dramatic reading—"I don't think I've got it in me to convey the epic genius of this verbal spanking"—but luckily actor John Lithgow did have it in him, and on tonight's Report, he delivered.

Here's your daily update on the catastrophic Newt Gingrich campaign for president! The Take: He's still faring poorly. Armies of cocktail-swilling literati sheep are still emptying their "clips" on him and everything he's said or done in the past week.

It's been quite a week for Newt Gingrich and his waning presidential campaign. In fact, so much has happened that you may have had trouble just keeping up with it all! Which is why it's a good thing that Jon Stewart opened up tonight's Daily Show with a summary of Gingrich's lightning-fast downfall.

Sure has been a shit week for Newt Gingrich! The presidential candidate, for whom we're coming dangerously close to feeling sympathy, has been attacked from the left for stupid racist murmurs, from the right for hurting Rep. Paul Ryan's fee-fees, and from some guy with a glitterbomb, just because. Also, his Tiffany's expenses are now public information. Tiffany's, shoppe of the silvered class? Well, his personal jewelry charge account isn't really pertinent, but laugh if it makes you other debt-enslaved psychopaths feel good.

Haven't you always dreamed of seeing Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich awash in in the twinkling light of party glitter? Now you can, thanks to gay activist Robert Erickson, who glitter-bombed Gingrich at a Minneapolis book signing on Tuesday night.

According to 2005 and 2006 disclosure forms filed by his then-congressional staffer wife, Newt Gingrich owed $250,000-$500,000 to a Tiffany's "revolving charge account." Is this relevant to his campaign? Yes! He'll have nice earrings on the trail.