Congratulations to former New Jersey Governor Christie Whitman and former Rep. Jim Courter, who cemented political ties this weekend when their son and daughter were married. Apparently there was a bit of a scare during the cocktail hour, when it appeared that the salmon puffs contained bad fish, but Christie assured everyone that things were fine and later said it was all the responsibility of the catering company anyway.
With the Atlantic City casinos closed down to celebrate the New Jersey budget crisis, would-be gamblers are treated instead to a horrible "deafening quiet" — no ringing of slot machines, cheering of craps players, or shrieking of adenoidal prostitutes. Nevertheless, if you were planning a summer weekend's AC excursion, you still have options. Donald Trump's loss is the Mashantucket Pequots' gain; the tribe's Foxwoods Casino is still open for business, and they've even added extra buses! If you'd already shed enough dignity to overnight in Jersey, how much worse can it be in Connecticut?
From our perch on the proper side of the Hudson River, we gaze across the waters at the Garden State, where things seem to be all sorts of fucked up. In case you haven't heard, Jersey shut down this weekend, ushering in a whole new set of jokes about exits and essential personnel. We're sure you're as interested in the causes of the crisis as we are (read: not terribly), but here's a quick summary for those of you who might be going to a cocktail party in Manalapan and need to sound up-to-date: Governor Jon Corzine has proposed a sales tax increase to cover the state's massive deficit; his legislative counterparts, who were badly burned by the state's previous tax hike (nearly fifteen years ago) have balked at the rise. The ins and outs are particularly Jerseyan (and could, quite frankly, all be resolved if Corzine were simply willing to open his checkbook and take care of the whole thing himself), so it's easy to lose sight of the real tragedy here: not only can't you buy lottery tickets, the casinos are closing. It's bad enough to have to be in Jersey; once you strip away the dream of making enough money to get out, what hope is there?
• The cameras of TMZ.com never rest: last week they caught Brandon Davis waxing philosophical on the nature of Lindsay Lohan's crotch, this week they document the LA nightlife backlash as a woman screams at him to take a shower and derides him for getting his money "from daddy." As if that's an insult? [TMZ]
• Former New Jersey governor and proud 'mo Jim McGreevy reads excerpts from his new book, an erotic tale of his anonymous rest stop hookups. [Star-Ledger]
• Quote of the day, courtesy of Ghostface Killa: "New York be bullshitting. Right now, I say fuck New York. Yeah, I'm from New York, but fuck New York. Because niggas is pussy." [Prefix]
• In live theater, distracting the actors just might get you backstage, where you can confuse David Schwimmer and piss off Zeljko Ivanek. [BroadwayWorld]
• Life imitates art, at least if you're a Sopranos fan: the body of a man who'd been beaten to death was found behind the Cafe Bada Bing. [NYT]
• As Memorial Day weekend draws near, the four horsemen of the Hamptons apocalypse prepare to open their doors to thousands of devoted Wet Seal fans. [NYM]
• A bird flu awareness night in Newark is marked by a chicken wing eating contest. In Jersey, the jokes just write themselves. [Newark Bears]
• "His ability to remain totally upright when sprinting, as if carrying an invisible egg and spoon—what are these, if not the techniques of an alien life force who has just graduated summa cum laude in advanced human behavior?" Tom Cruise, watch out — the New Yorker is onto you, and Sy Hersh might be looking for a new beat. [NYer]
• Apple v. Apple, resolved: the Beatles' record label loses to Apple computers, meaning that we can all download the boys on iTunes with reckless, 99-cent abandon. [Variety]
• Glamour EIC Cindi Leive has been named the new prez of the American Society of Magazine Editors. Just another damn responsibility for her assistant. [FishbowlNY]
• 60 Minutes may get Anderson Cooper, but they only get him 5 times per year. He'll be filling Christine Amanpour's part-time position — what we lose in classy accents, we make up for in piercing pools of blue. [AP]
• Kaavya Viswanathan may have fucked up, but she's no James Frey. Give the girl a crackpipe, though, and anything's possible. [USA Today]
• New Jersey's new tourism slogan, "Come See For Yourself," is wisely abandoned. As it turns out, West Virginia is already using the catchphrase, along with the Dakotas and any other states no one would willingly see for themselves. [Adfreak]
• Behold the unimpressive aesthetics of the Art Rock show at Rockefeller Center. Glance now and save yourself the effort of going to the real thing. [Animal]
• Elle creative director Gilles Bensimon loses a 14-year-old beauty to a 17-year-old amateur. So, who's the young waif in question? And why is Gilles such a dirty old man? [Breakfast]
It's been a while since we've checked in with Julia Diaco, the "pot princess" who skated on 25 years in prison for selling marijuana from her NYU dorm room by pleading out and getting probation. As it turns out, she's not just an entrepreneur: She also sings. Much like her fellow Rumson residents Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen, Julia (or, as she's now known, J-Dia) wants to make her mark on the music industry. We've gone to her MySpace page to sample her wares and will just say this: Someone needs to make her pee in a cup but quick. She may not be selling pot anymore, but if these tracks are any indication, she is clearly on the pipe.
And finally the Democrats are in a stronger position than the Republicans — Ted Kennedy, after all, simply cannot be killed.
We know it is not particularly cool for those of us in New York to care about what goes on across the Hudson River, unless perhaps it's happening within the city limits of Montclair. But if you'll forgive a Jersey native for a moment: Sharpe James dropped out of the Newark mayoral race less than an hour ago, and that's sort of amazing. Especially after his high-drama entry a week and a half ago, when he put on a tank top, a straw hat, and rode a police bike across Newark City Hall to deliver his petitions. It ends an era in Jersey's biggest city.
We certainly hope you haven't forgotten young Julia Diaco, the New Jersey rich girl who was busted in April of 2004 for dealing drugs to her classmates from her freshman dorm room at NYU (a smart businesswoman knows there's less overhead if you do it from home). The young entrepreneur and savior of many a self-medicating student was facing up to 25 years in jail after originally pleading guilty, but after completing 18 months of rehab she has been permitted to cop to lesser charges, which got her 5 years on probation.
In case you've lost track of time, we'd like to remind you that it's mid-February, and if you've not already started, you're officially behind on organizing your super-sweet, totally bitchin' Hamptons share. Realistically, however, unless you're tossing around some serious dough, whatever you and your brahs secure for summer will likely blow. If you're so lucky as to bring a nice set of tits home from the Star Room one night, she's certainly not going to stay long after she sees your outdoor plumbing.
You know how it didn't really make sense that Ryan Seacrest would be doing a live, in-studio radio interview in New Jersey? And how it didn't really make sense why, after the first time he walked out of the studio because the DJ asked about his sexuality, he would have agreed to continue the interview? Yeah, well, it now makes sense that it didn't make sense. Because it turns out it didn't actually happen.
Interesting news in — of all places — The Trentonian today:
• Former Jackass Steve-O claims to have given Paris Hilton and Starvos Niarchos some "mind-altering substances" shortly before Niarchos crashed Hilton's Bentley. Steve-O is clearly our generation's Deep Throat. [Scoop]
• Director Steven Spielberg has demanded an apology from Kathy Griffin after she made a rehab joke in regards to toddling actress Dakota Fanning. Griffin faces blacklisting from Spielberg's projects, but that might be the best thing to ever happen to her career. [Page Six]
• In his autobiographical novel Junior, former child-star Macauley Culkin confesses to thoughts of suicide. If we were constantly fighting off bungling burgulars, we'd be suicidal, too. [R&M]
• Jessica Simpson drops a grand on cartoon art that reads like something you'd buy in Times Square. [Page Six]
• Universal Music might have reached the end of its rope with devilish exec Tommy Mottola. If so, does this mean he might disappear forever? Please? [Gatecrasher]
• We can't decide if Newark's would-be mayor Cory Booker is hot or not. [Lowdown]
• We're glad the strike is over for myriad reasons, not the least of which is sparing us from thoughtless, insipid articles about how poorly we dressed just to stay warm. We're sure it was easy to pen crap like that from the comfort of your town car — did Daddy get you that job at the Styles desk? [NYT]
• Nothing a little anal bleaching can't fix. [CNN]
• The only difference we can think of between chick-flick staples Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott is that we see one of them on the street all the time. The, uh, Irish one with the dark hair. [Fametracker]
• Of the five finalists for Jersey's new state slogan, "Love at First Sight" strikes us as the most misleading. [WCBS]
• Brangelina are rumored to have purchased Yves St. Laurent's $25 million Normandy coast summer home, where they will have wild, French animal sex. [The Daily]
• We're sorry, but a sorority just isn't a sorority if it calls itself "feminist." And sisterhood just isn't sisterhood unless you go down on a SigEp first. [Salon]
An interview with Bungalow 8 and Bette proprietress Amy Sacco reminds you that the suburbs are a matter of life and death:
• Now Diane Sawyer wants the World News Tonight job. [B&C]
• But Geraldo says Elizabeth Vargas should get it. [B&C]
• New Time Inc. chief John Huey isn't as bad as he's rumored to be, says Huey. [NYP]
• Selma Blair went to an old psychiatric hospital and put a live rat in her mouth. For a photo shoot. For the Times, of course. [WWD]
• Announcing the cast for Miss Run Amok: The Movie. [Media Mob/NYO]
• After two days of conferring in Puerto Rico, magazine bigshots have breakout insight: Things must change. Wow. [Mediaweek]
• David Carr's kids believe only suckers pay for content. Content companies sort of believe it, too. [NYT]
• City of Newark, N.J., pays $100K for good news coverage. Which has clearly been very successful. [NJ.com]
A Jersey correspondent reports:
We know it's the job of the 11 o'clock news to scare us, but this one, which Chuck and Sue told us about last night, seems worse than usual:
