OK, the sound quality sucks. And, yeah, it's from yesterday morning. And, granted, it's a "news" segment that little more than a marketing pitch for both a time when you actually watched NBC's scripted shows and a new DVD in which the network presumably has a stake. But, even so, you gotta watch Al Roker singing the Facts of Life theme on the Today show. Watch it once and it's amusing. Then watch it again, playing close attention to the last little bit of the song. You won't be able to look away.

• For you alarmists out there who believe in the myth of forthcoming environmental disasters, enjoy a map of what Manhattan would look like if the sea levels were to rise a healthy 9 meters. Au revoir, Alphabet City. [Flood.firetree.net]
• Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn's engagement enters the completely unfounded and highly unlikely rumor phase. [Patrique Gossip]
• New York's highest court denies Diddy's appeal, ordering him to pay over $19K/month in child support to ex-girlfriend Misa Hylton-Brim. That should just about cover the mental anguish of having to see him naked. [AP]
• And while Diddy may have to shell out more pennies than he'd like, at least he's still allowed to devote an entire Time 100 table to his formidable posse. [FishbowlNY]
• Axl Rose swears that Chinese Democracy will be out by the end of this century. Really, he means it this time. [Billboard]
• Lindsay Lohan appeared on TRL yesterday, but wouldn't talk to Vanessa Minnillo until their mutual flack Leslie Sloane Zelnick hammered out a 2-minute peace treaty. [Jossip]
• Barbara Walters is supposedly angry with Meredith Vieira for leaving The View. If she left us with Rosie O'Donnell, we'd be pissed, too. [TMZ]
• And finally, THE ELLIES ARE TONIGHT! WHEE! Check back here later for our breaking updates, sent lovingly from the scene of Magville's debutante ball.

• Yahoo gets an NYT section cover story for, um, improving its ad program. Thrilling. [NYT]

Tickets for Radiohead's two June shows at the Madison Square Garden theater went on sale Friday morning at 10 AM and, predictably, sold out about 4 minutes later. Naturally this creates all sorts of opportunities for lucky ticketholders to dangle their spares about Craigslist, resulting in the all-too-typical "I'm lonely and and want a hottie" ticket offer. We expect these to grow more and more perverse as the show dates near:

One of our tipsters found a tip sheet for last night's Rolling Stone party, distributed to the press by publicists and left behind by a reporter who'd checked off which of the promised celebrities actually showed. No Keyes, no Death Cab, no Jay-Z, no L.A. Reid, no Lohan, no Tom Wolfe. But, hey, how could anyone complain? David Cassidy was there.

So the big Rolling Stone 1,000th issue party was last night, and we've received several reports. Consensus seems to be that it was fun but not as celebrity-laden as Jann would have wanted; the Strokes were good but they were basically the extent of the music; the gift bags sucked; and Jann had a good time. After the jump, reports from our on-site spies, who set the scene, ID the guests, and, in the case of one unhappy caterer, just vent.

It's been a while since we've checked in with Julia Diaco, the "pot princess" who skated on 25 years in prison for selling marijuana from her NYU dorm room by pleading out and getting probation. As it turns out, she's not just an entrepreneur: She also sings. Much like her fellow Rumson residents Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen, Julia (or, as she's now known, J-Dia) wants to make her mark on the music industry. We've gone to her MySpace page to sample her wares and will just say this: Someone needs to make her pee in a cup but quick. She may not be selling pot anymore, but if these tracks are any indication, she is clearly on the pipe.

Yes, that is a black man in a suit. No, it is not slain rapper Proof, as identified. No, we can't say this is surprising.

As blogger Miss Modernage astutely notices, British actress-cum-photog Amanda de Cadenet, who's "very much married" (though not officially) to Stroke guitarist Nick Valensi, has dropped a disturbing piece of information on her website's message board:

We've now received probably a half-dozen reports of some of the celebrities spotted at the Scissor Sisters show at Bowery Ballroom last night. There was Karl Lagerfeld, looking characteristically Lagerfeldian. There was Kylie Minogue, who, it seems, "looked adorable with her short hair" and was "waving her hands in the air like she just didn't care." There was Richie Rich. There was Amanda Lapore. There may have been Ingrid Sischy. And there was one more celeb many of you have told us about, standing solo near the back of the dancefloor, looking incognito in a grey college sweatshirt — Arizona State, of all places — and baseball cap, and barely head-bopping to the music: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Anderson Cooper.

• In an attempt to save face in light of his estranged wife Denise Richards' claims that he's a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem, Charlie Sheen takes to Entertainment Tonight to make his case. Working against him, however, is the fact that only a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem would think a celebrity fluff show is the proper venue to do such a thing. [ET]
• Did Paris Hilton lose her Bentley in a poker game? Doubtful — we imagine she's quite good, actually. That lazy eye must make her impossible to read. [OCN]
• After getting slammed in the reviews of her Broadway debut, Julia Roberts does what any heartbroken women would do: She runs to Oprah. [Gatecrasher]
• Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder preps for his tour by getting wasted and singing Up Where We Belong. [Page Six]
• Bill Clinton steals the show at Ted Kennedy's book party. Obviously. [R&M]
• Recipe for the most random gossip item ever: Take one $900 Hermes blanket, mix with Lindsay Lohan, Brett Ratner, and a bikini-clad Zeta Graff. Serve with unimaginable stupidity. [Page Six]

This just arrived:

• Congrats to playboy rocker Lenny Kravitz, who has been sued for the third year in a row over the leaky toilet in his old Soho penthouse. The lawsuit is now at about $800K — for that kind of money, we sure hope that toilet held the vomit of some really hot supermodels. [TSG]
• If, unlike Tom Cruise, you chose not to eat your baby's placenta, consider it as a hair product. [Malcontent]
• A photographer tries to burrow his way into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's Namibian birthing compound, only to receive a solid beating from their security guards. [TMZ]
• The indie snobs at Pitchfork aren't that superior to a bunch of 10-year-olds. In fact, we prefer the little kids' reviews. [Stereogum]
• A note to LA: Judith Regan's all yours. Enjoy her fury, relish her bitchitude, and listen closely for tales from her well-abused PAs. [LAT]
• Will we ever fully understand the sad death of ElleGirl? [FishbowlNY]
• Paris Hilton has switched from her beloved Sidekick to a BlackBerry. Get hacking. [Valleywag]

First thing's first: Word we're hearing is that Chuck Eddy's replacement as the Voice music editor will be Rob Harvilla, currently of the VVM-owned East Bay Express.

As we predicted earlier this afternoon, we've now received multiple tips that Chucky Eddy is gone from the Village Voice. And we've learned that Robert Christgau apparently ended a recent podcast — yes, we know someone who listens to them, ashamed though we are about it — certain that he, too, was about to fired. That's it, folks. Two more Voice legends down. At the rate they're going, that leaves, what, only Musto and Hentoff to go? Hope Mike Lacey has enough napkins.

With the caveat that we have absolutely no idea that this is really true, a source claiming to be familiar with the goings-on at Village Voice Media HQ in Phoenix passes along this prognostication:

• Colin Farrell and former Playmate Nicole Narain reach an "amicable settlement" regarding their sex tape, which Narain had been trying to sell. We kind of hate him for locking away the footage after we'd already seen the heat he was packing. Cocktease. [R&M]
• Stephen Baldwin is selling his Rockland County manse reportedly because he owes "a crapload" to the IRS. Stars — they really are just like us! [Page Six]
• How DARE the American Figure Skating Association sideline our beloved Johnny Weir simply because he's a flaming little bonfire of fun. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• Looks like Tom Cruise has taken to rigging public opinion polls, which would be more effective if said polls weren't on Parade.com. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Cruise won't be tolerating any dyslexia talk from Swedish journalists. [Scoop]
• Jamie Foxx would like to think he's R&B's "savior." Please keep your snickering to a dull roar. [Guardian UK]

A reader sends in a purported e-mail exchange between Tony Brummel, head of indie label Victory Records, and Steve Jobs, God of iTunes. In these mails from last week, Tony (who a month back ripped iTunes apart) wants Steve to give Victory special treatment.

Finally, a band that geeky tech reporters have heard of. The remnants of the Beatles will take their music digital, and tech journalists are finally able to put on an air of cultural relevance — or cheap headline gags.