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• In an attempt to save face in light of his estranged wife Denise Richards' claims that he's a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem, Charlie Sheen takes to Entertainment Tonight to make his case. Working against him, however, is the fact that only a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem would think a celebrity fluff show is the proper venue to do such a thing. [ET]
• Did Paris Hilton lose her Bentley in a poker game? Doubtful — we imagine she's quite good, actually. That lazy eye must make her impossible to read. [OCN]
• After getting slammed in the reviews of her Broadway debut, Julia Roberts does what any heartbroken women would do: She runs to Oprah. [Gatecrasher]
• Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder preps for his tour by getting wasted and singing Up Where We Belong. [Page Six]
• Bill Clinton steals the show at Ted Kennedy's book party. Obviously. [R&M]
• Recipe for the most random gossip item ever: Take one $900 Hermes blanket, mix with Lindsay Lohan, Brett Ratner, and a bikini-clad Zeta Graff. Serve with unimaginable stupidity. [Page Six]