The “millennial” generation loves nothing more than advertising, except for allegedly humorous “Vines” that they force you to watch on their iPhones, at parties, which is inappropriate. The point is: advertisers are over millennials and their bullshit.

Hey readers, did you hear the news that fancy grocery chain Whole Foods is going to open a new chain of stores targeting millennials?

Vice is a company that would like you to think it is cool all of the time. In fact, Vice is only cool when it does stories about Ebola and stuff. It is not so cool when it tries to be the cool face of Bank of America, which would like to rip you off.

The angst-ridden "fixie" messengers of the "millennial" generation are now the most important consumer demographic out there. So what's their financial plan? Oh, millennials will tell you their financial plan, dad.

You know who just bought a house? A new house? Ayden, and Kylie, and tens of thousands of their "millennial" generation friends. Did you also buy a house? Or no?

Cameron Dallas is a 20-year-old set of abdominal muscles and one of the 10 most popular people on Vine. (He is also a close friend of Nash Grier, an even more famous Viner.) Dallas was reportedly arrested for vandalism Wednesday after allegedly throwing paint all over his Hollywood apartment and the adjacent hallway.

The dreaded "millennial" generation, composed of millions of identical young people who are on drugs, are now old enough to get "real" jobs and have their own bank accounts. They're still getting the hang of it, god bless em.

If you ever reach the soothing point of equilibrium at which it is possible to stop feeling that the advertising industry is constantly manipulating you, I encourage you to stop and consider this new ad campaign for skin care for 20somethings—who are, let's face it, looking a little decrepit.

Retail monster Target has more than 360,000 employees. Some of them are oldies; some of them are Gen Xers; and some of them are the dreaded millennials. Fortunately, the company has a neatly stereotyped training guide for managers to navigate this generational minefield.

I'm not prepared to paper over the faults in my perceptions of politics. I'm not ready to confront whatever comes after post-race. I'm not ready to eulogize whatever vestiges of Black Camelot remain. And I don't know if I'm equipped for the world After Obama.

The Atlantic wonders why millennials aren't saving money. The answer, as it turns out, is pretty simple. Millennials are extremely mistrustful of banks, don't know shit about investing, and are just really fucking bad at saving money. Like, really, really bad. Oh, right, and student loan debt. Welcome to adulthood!

Here is something that Democrats and Republicans agree on, besides the fact that Ebola is coming and we are all going to die: According to a new poll of political polarization and media habits of regular folk by the Pew Research Center, BuzzFeed is the least trusted news source in media, behind the Rush Limbaugh Show.

The "millennials," a demographically desirable generation that is defined by its blind fealty to the advertising agencies most capable of portraying corporate brands as non-corporate, has declared that—above all—it wants to be seen as unique.

For food-like dining chain McDonald's, young people—who have not yet had time to develop a discriminating palate—have always been their "bread and butter." No longer. What's wrong, millennials? Have you lost your bad taste?

In the New York Times this weekend, Sam Tanenhaus, a scholar of the conservative movement, tried to make sense of the millennial generation. From reading his article one can only conclude that Tanenhaus wants all millennials to die.

Food product conglomerate Campbell's is having a shaky year selling food products, which the company blames on a "seismic shift" in how people eat. Campbell's solution: to grab onto every last trendy food trend and ride those babies till the wheels fall off.

North Carolina State Police are on the hunt for two twentysomethings with an apparent affinity for fake, expensive dinosaurs. The couple can be seen in security footage from the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences in Raleigh jumping a barrier, snatching the $10,000 Edmontosaurus hatchling replica, and running off with it in a bag.

"We Are The Next Lost Generation"—a Thought Catalog exercise in putting life in perspective.

Mike Turner, the millennial bro whose mother bankrolled his campaign with $802,721—twice as much as his closest competitor spent—finished fourth in his GOP primary for Congress last night. Turner, who still lives at home, got 7,757 votes. His parents spent about 104 bucks a vote.

Mike Turner is 27, and his parents really must want him to move the hell out. So much so that they've dedicated more than $600,000 to his candidacy to the U.S. House of Representatives.