· At left, rightful American Idol winner Katherine McPhee selflessly shields a Florida youngster from the blistering summer heat by allowing her to shade herself underneath McPhee's glorious rack.
Project Greenlight fans, semi-rejoice: Feast will get a limited theatrical run of late night shows before being dumped off to DVD. Gulager!
· The Believer's interviewer is so good that he gets Steven Soderbergh to imagine that if he had a "balloon cock dick," he might find a career in porn appealing. That's nice work.
Seriously, you gotta be pretty desperate to mug Screech. Don't they know the dude is selling t-shirts to save his house?
Gawker weighs four glossy fall fashion issues, discovering in the process that they've purchased 9.5 lbs of eating disorder promotion.
· Mental Floss asks: Will celibacy turn Paris Hilton into a genius? If she were actually sincere about it, the field of physics could be looking at its next Nobel winner.
· Mel Gibson: the ringtone.

In a heretofore unexplored aspect of the ramifications of the Mel Gibson story (we thought we might be dangerously close to running out of angles once the AP profiled the PCH, but we were so, so wrong), SFGate.com political blogger Carla Marinucci notes that Gibson recently penned a "unusually gushy, three-page, single-spaced fundraising letter" endorsing Republican state senator Tom McClintock's campaign for lieutenant governor*, a high-profile endorsement that is perhaps not as welcome today as it would have been, say, in the time before Gibson fled to rehab to wait for the smoldering effigies of the Braveheart star being quietly torched in Steven Spielberg's basement to burn themselves out. The blog has some excerpts from the letter issued to GOP supporters, but we've obtained the somewhat more concise, less exuberant note (pictured) Gibson sent to his Hollywood friends on the off chance his largely liberal-leaning industry associates might contribute to the cause.

• Neighbors say that Mel Gibson's seven kids are "holy terrors," running wild and toilet-papering all kosher homes along the Pacific Coast Highway. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, the prosecutor who filed DUI charges against Mel Gibson, Ralph Shapiro, has been removed from the case, presumably because he is a "fucking Jew." [TMZ]
• And finally, you just might be able to listen to Mel's anti-Semitic rant on your cell phone. Best ringtone ever. If you're in Beirut, we mean. [Scoop]
• The online profile belonging to Diana Bianchi, the girl who slept with Christie Brinkley's husband Peter Cook, reveals that she's a bit of a skankypuss. We're just as shocked as you are. [R&M]
• Because of the weight he gained for his role in Chapter 27, Jared Leto developed gout. Next, he'll get scurvy to score a part in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. [Page Six]
• Daily News gossipette Lloyd Grove is back! And writing about Tori Spelling! We missed your banality, darling. [Lowdown]

If there's one lesson that we can all take away from the Mel Gibson incident (besides the obvious one about not chugging a bottle of Cazadores before driving home at 90 mph on a twisting, well-patrolled stretch of beachside highway, and all the stuff about not blaming a failed Breathalyzer on the microscopic Jews hiding inside it), it's one about the importance of forgiveness in a moral and tolerant society. After a week spent personally calling each individual of Jewish extraction in the 310 area code to beg for, and eventually receive, absolution for his sins, it's time for Gibson's fellow Christians to finally embrace their flawed brother. And embrace him they will after reading this press release's eloquent plea for forgiveness, in which the actor is very aptly compared to the protagonist of the iconic feel-good movie of the talkie era, It's a Wonderful Life. Excerpt via The Reeler:

· We thought you might enjoy this video of another voodoo-espousing pointyhead trying to make you believe that booze couldn't make Mel Gibson say things that he didn't believe. Resist the brainwashing, people, lest you be held accountable for the things you say after drinking yourself out of a batthub full of Grey Goose.
More Mel: Gibson calls Jesus and stars in the trailer for Signs: of Anti-Semitism. And B&C handicaps who's going to land the post-rehab sitdown.
At the risk of this blog being eventually flooded by annoying Flash ads plugging the movie, we point you to the new Borat trailer.
Nine out of ten shadow presidents agree: Talladega Nights was this weekend's most uproarious thrill-ride!

Now that Mel Gibson is safely locked away at the luxurious resort-hab facilities of Promises Malibu for a solid week or so of waging a poolside battle against his Tequila-chugging, Jew-slandering demons, it might seem like piling on to mention Sunday's NY Times story claiming that the suspect field of "science" does not necessarily support the idea of the beer-goggle anti-Semitism that Gibson claims to have experienced on the night of his DUI arrest:

· Rest assured that when Mel Gibson finally gets out of rehab, he will spare no expense to discover and eventually fuck the person responsible for defacing his city's signage. (Anyone who's been to Melibu this week can assure you that this isn't Photoshop.)
Note to the Who Killed The Electric Car? people: You might want to reconsider using Mel in your ads.
· The Mel thing really does sound so much better when you sing it.
Hey, unicorns! Rad!
There's just not enough time left today (read: we've already started drinking) to get to the jaw-dropping Joe Francis article in the LAT's West mag that will run this weekend, but we recommend that you all read it and come to class prepared on Monday. There will be a quiz.

The Battle of Mel Gibson continues to rage on the advertising pages of the industry's trade publications, as today's Hollywood Reporter features a two-pager by Gavin de Becker (included autobiography: "Author of Bestselling Books about Violence and Words, Bar Mitzvah 1968, Graduated Hebrew School 1969, Never Been Really Drunk, Said Plenty of Regrettable Things When Sober" ) calling out Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel over his well-publicized, proposed boycott of the troubled, mouthy Malibu despot. While less economical than yesterday's open letter by semiprofessional ad copywriter Rob Schneider, De Becker scores more laughs by bringing up that Gibson's threat to fuck an officer on the scene probably didn't indicate a real desire to forcibly fornicate in the back of a squad car [Ed.note—Not so sure about this—he was pretty drunk and riled up by the "sugar tits" nearby. ], and his great line that he's "heard (sober) agents say things so hateful and unkind that even Deputy Mee wouldn't jot them down." He's definitely got a point on the latter observation, but it would be a massive conflict of interest for Emanuel to organize a boycott against his own profession, not to mention the chaos and looting that would instantly result along Wilshire Boulevard should thousands of agents be put out of work simultaneously. But we digress.

This morning's LAT brings the shocking and previously unreported news that daredevil Malibu late-night drag-racer Mel Gibson, when not under the influence of mind-altering distilled spirits, appears "friendly," possesses the ability to communicate without expletive-laden anti-Semitic slurs, and in an astounding revelation that will completely destroy all your preconceptions about people who drunkenly mouth off about about ethnic groups against whom they may harbor quiet, ugly prejudices, has actually befriended some Jewish co-workers. Amazing:

• A gentleman caller comes looking for Star Jones' "husband" Al Reynolds at 4 AM and rings the wrong buzzer (thus the whole world knows). Also not helping Al's case: running around in Spandex. [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson doesn't hate Jews who are female, 23-years-old, and "fetching." [R&M]
• Penelope Cruz, always willing to lend her name and questionable credibility to Tom Cruise, claims to have seen "beautiful" baby Suri. [AP]
• Maria Menounos: the next Cindy Adams? [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt sings about how he wishes he worked in Midtown. The man's intelligence is just stunning. [Us Weekly]

• The people have spoken. [Animal]

• Are Madonna and Guy Ritchie headed towards a divorce? And is floating such rumors part of new Observer owner Jared Kushner's hip-and-cool mandate? [Daily Transom]

• Speaking of J-Kush, homeboy was definitely not a team player last night when he missed the Observer's very first softball game, which they won over the alpha-males at Trader Monthly. Too bad three interns died from dehydration before the fifth inning. [Daily Transom]

• Today's Post, summed up in a single sentence: "Mel, Mel, Mel, do you mind if we call you sugar lips, Mel?" [NYP]

• We suspect former Sun columnist Pranay Gupte lives for little more than a soapbox; here's why he got fired from that other job. At least it doesn't involve signing your co-workers up for a dating service. [Pranay Gupte]

• And back to Madonna again, whose next reinvention will be in the form of Angelina Jolie. [Time]

• OMG CRISIS HEAT CLOSES TRADER JOE'S NO THAI LIME & CHILI PEANUTS FUUUUUCK! [Curbed]

• Mel Gibson provides the perfect opportunity to get wasted on company time as a part of an "investigation." A round of tequila shots in the name of journalism, please! [TVNewser]

• Just another tea party bay-by, two doped-out preppies going cray-zy. [You Tube]

Anyone cynical enough to believe that Mel Gibson's second apology was more of a desperation PR move than a sincere expression of regret to offended members of the Jewish faith should be instantly heartened by the actor's early attempt at reparations made in front of the Chinese Theatre on Tuesday, the most sacred location in Hollywood for all genuine acts of contrition. Gibson's obviously too busy with rehab to man the table himself, but he's made sure that Tickle Me Elmo, Distressingly Skinny Spider-Man, and the handsomer Captain Jack Sparrow are standing sentry over his peace offerings, guaranteeing that no greedy tourist can hog all the everything bagels.

In today's Variety, celebrity penpal Rob Schneider has finally followed up* his infamous open letter promising a post-lunch beating to LAT reporter Patrick Goldstein over some unflattering remarks about manwhore masterwork Deuce Bigalow with a full-page, self-promotional, jokey pledge never to work with embattled anti-Semite Mel Gibson. (Excerpt shown, larger, full version here.) As expected from a follow-up project conceived for the sake of commerce rather than art, the sequel lacks the unhinged inspiration of the original, and ends with a disappointing, obligatory third act resolution plugging Schneider's next project, Big Stan, rather than offering an appropriately escalated act of threatened violence against the disgraced star. We suppose we'll just have to wait for next year's vanity ad to see if Schneider will ever recover the open-letter-writing magic of last February, but we fear his best days working in the form are long behind him.

The guidelines for outdoor advertising on Hollywood's legendary Sunset Strip are becoming clearer now: If you're a megalomaniac actor/director who'd like to erect a billboard over the boulevard depicting yourself getting a pretty sweet hummer, fine, let's see that check. But if you'd like to put one up protesting the anti-Semitic comments of a megalomaniac actor/director with whom studios might like to work with once the whole "fucking Jews start all the wars" business blows over: Perhaps we can show you something in some blurry, Xeroxed handbills to pass out in front of the Chinese Theatre? The Scoop reports on one group's difficulty in securing some billboard space to symbolically declare Hollywood a "No Mel" zone:

· Well, at least no one's going to accuse Maggie Gyllenhaal of faking her pregnancy. Is that mean? Maybe we've still got unresolved betrayal issues about her carrying another man's seed.
· Compared to the chick who got too friendly with the serial killer, the one who thinks she's the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe seems like the definition of sanity itself.
· Lost's Naveen Andrew takes the crucial, early steps toward fathering another bastard.
Get ready, because here comes the end-of-day Mel Gibson link dump: The Mel Gibson sheriff video; the Mel Gibson disturbing face morph; Mel Gibson: another t-shirt; Mel Gibson: the bumper sticker; Mel Gibson: the homophobic comments of 1993; Mel Gibson's upcoming contrition tour; Mel Gibson: the naughty dog who ate Elvis' teddy bear. Wait, what?

Bored and exhausted from days of repeatedly violating every orifice of the Mel Gibson story with its throbbing member of round-the-clock coverage, the news media now pauses for a moment on a well-traveled stretch of road in Malibu, contemplates a particularly inviting crack in its asphalt surface, hurls itself upon the ground, and begins anew its vigorous pounding of this Gibson-related opening. Enjoy this excerpt of the AP's brief profile of the Pacific Coast Highway, the serpentine street that has devoured whole some of Hollywood's most accomplished celebrity substance abusers:

• Meredith Vieira preps for her forthcoming role as Today show co-host by visiting the newsroom and, um, taping Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?. The contrast of morning show queen to cheesy game-show host may be funny now, but just wait until she's doing a tough AM interview with a heavy hitter and asks them, "Is that your final answer?" [NYDN]
• Be mesmerized as you watch the downfall of Mel Gibson. [Us Weekly]
• And then do a little fist-pump, as he's been charged with a DUI. [TMZ]
• 9/11: The answer to Nic Cage's prayers. [Defamer]
• It may be hot as fried balls out there, but at least it's not Europe. [Logged Hours]
• Rather than slappping a vile breastfeeding image on a magazine cover, why not stick to the traditional, Christian methods of breast coverage? [Zulkey]
• Apparently, we're the reason you're not investing in your 401(K). [TAP]
• Misty water-colored memories of the Ford Administration. [Yahoo ]
• City Councilman John Liu talks about loser pedophile radio stooges. And it has nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein. [Daily Politics]
• The Chinese goverment has ordered that 50,000 dogs be killed, if only so that you may better enjoy your delicious Lo Mein Special. [AP]
• Christopher Hitchens' obit: would that it were so. [The State That I Am In]
• Best headline of the day: Naked, Combative Man Leads Police to Marijuana Farm. [AP]

The Life Regurgitated blog may have inadvertently stumbled upon a huge clue regarding the L.A. County Sheriff's Department's investigation of why Malibu cops initially tried to bury the report of Mel Gibson's drunken, anti-Semitic outburst following his DUI arrest. We're not sure what unconventional theories the Sheriff's Department is currently exploring in its Gibson probe, but Life Regurgitated's referrer logs reveal that they apparently involve trying to obtain pictures of Ashlee Simpson's nose-job from blogs. The investigators had better think twice before allowing themselves to be drawn any deeper into the dangerous, morally ambiguous world of celebrity rhinoplasty, because this shit could go all the way to the top.

In today's story about the second draft of Mel Gibson's public apology, in which the forcibly contrite star finally remembered to apologize to the Jewish people for suspecting that they'd shrewdly infiltrated the Malibu police department in order to fuck his life, the NY Times coaxes longtime Gibson agent Ed Limato into breaking his silence on the matter. And after an obligatory statement about the inexcusability etc etc of his client's tequila-liberated remarks, he makes sure to fire a warning shot across the bow of the hypocritical "people in [his] business" who cast a stone at Gibson with one hand while trying to poach him with the other:

Yesterday, Comedy Central took out this ad in Variety to congratulate South Park on its Emmy nomination for their "Trapped in the Closet" episode, a good-natured, lightly self-satirizing attempt to chuckle at themselves for so readily allowing themselves to become Tom Cruise's bitch by yanking a repeat of that show because of its unflattering portrayal of the cherished corporate asset about to open a movie for parent company Viacom. But because of the copy's inclusion of the word "Jews," a term now copyrighted by Mel Gibson's Icon Productions, some people assumed the ad was some kind of reference to Gibson's recent war-mongering-Hebrews-related troubles. Today, a Comedy Central spokesperson assures the LAT that the ad is merely a quaintly retro dig at Cruise and riff on the time-honored "Jews run Hollywood" joke, not a perfectly timed assault on the currently rehabbing serial apologizer. We think the giant cartoon rendering of the Celebrity Centre should've been a pretty obvious tip-off as to the ad's target, but whatever. The publicists have spoken.