· The inevitable Mel Gibson t-shirts arrive, in both "Mel Gibstein" and "What do you think you're looking at, Sugar Tits?" styles. Get one before CafePress is flooded with inferior "Save Mel" and "Free Mel" tees. [via Tabloid Baby]
· In case you haven't seen these yet, here are those pics of Gibson and his newfound drinking buddies at Moonshadows.
· Even Craigslist escorts are trying to get their piece of the Gibson action. (Warning: link NSFW)
· This is so wrong, and yet...so wrong: The Passion of the Christ mashed up with "Sometimes When We Touch."
· Arianna likes Mel's second apology a lot better than the first draft.
· How can you tell the difference between real and fake tits in Hollywood? Hint: There are no such thing as real tits in Hollywood, silly!
· Losanjelous takes their Mr. T doll to the George Michael Bathroom, but Little T emerges unblown and unfondled. Better luck next time, tiny fool.

A reader spotted this low-grade El Camino-pimping in the parking lot of the 7-11 on the corner of Highland and Wilshire, which he referred to as "a highly visible salvo of support from the Koreatown pro-Mel camp." We hope that Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel responds to this display by immediately spray-painting the words "Fuck Mel" on the back of his Prius and showing that the Gibson-boycotting faction is just as firm in its convictions as the wrongheaded K-town crew. A blog post isn't going to get the job done this time.

It's been hard to concentrate today, what with the tension surrounding rehabbing actor Mel Gibson's DUI and subsequent anti-Semitic remarks. We just don't understand. Why did Mel say such mean things? How could he? Aren't movie stars supposed to be nice? We're heartbroken and confused. Thankfully, there's always a ridiculous flack waiting around the corner to help us all make sense of the situation:

· The Evil Beet blog points us to the above CNN.com poll, which seems to reveal that either not everyone shares Hollywood's outrage over Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic comments, or that Disney has hired internet poll voters to let America know it's OK to go to Apocalypto. [CNN.com]
· It's a good thing that Gibson didn't hire David Mamet's obviously incompetent Acme Public Relations firm, and wisely retained the services of a guy who was smart enough to check off the "alcoholism" box, then write in one for "eventually remember to beg for Jewish forgiveness." [HuffPo]
· Mel Gibson wasn't really arrested on terrorism charges, but given the way the last few days have gone for him, you'd believe that for a second, wouldn't you? [BBC News]
·The DVD Dossier reveals Gibson's Netflix queue.
· Need a Gibson hate-fuck? This Craigslister "Mel Gibson look alike, cute, clean shaven-face, moderately hairy body" posted his ad on Thursday, back when that particular physical resemblance might have been more of a selling point. [Craigslist]

Alan Nierob, current holder of the title of Hardest Working Man in Show Business (and whom we hope is getting paid by the official statement), has released the latest version of client Mel Gibson's apology, signalling the PR team's desperation shift into "Holy shit, he's in rehab and this thing still isn't blowing over, so maybe we should mention the Jewish stuff this time" mode:

• Anti-Semite Mel Gibson had been deeply depressed before he was arrested for his DUI; the incident was "a death wish." Alas, Gibson may still be alive, but no doubt he really killed his career. 50% ain't bad for an alchy. [Deadline Hollywood]
• But seriously, he's NOT an anti-Semite. He's just really, really pro-Jesus. [AP]
• Hard Rock heir Harry Morton lost his sister to a drug overdose, and he'll be damned if he loses his girlfriend Lindsay Lohan to the same fate. Hope Harry's been working out, because it's going to take some muscle to pry that twenty out of her nose. [R&M]
• When Diana Bianchi slept with Christie Brinkley's husband Peter Cook, nobody won — except for Fawn Gettling, a video studies major at the Art Institute of New York City who made a quick bundle with a documentary she'd made about a then-unknown Bianchi and her struggle with anorexia and bulimia. [Page Six]
• A waitress claims that restaurateur Brian McNally hit her after she threw a glass at him. Of course, they were fighting about Israel and Hezbollah, so this is all perfectly understandable. This war really does serve as the universal excuse. [Page Six]

We'd like to pause to thank the front page of the LAT's website for providing us a glimmer of perspective in this Mel Gibson debacle, which threatens to destroy the good name of Alcohol by depicting it as nothing more than the fermented nectar squeezed from the heaving, infernal bosoms of a thousand hissing succubi, and which drives powerful men to destroy their careers while under its evil influence. Sure, it may be expedient for Gibson to blame the devil juice for his current situation, but his LDL cholesterol has never been lower.

Philosophers have long recognized the duality of man, the idea that inside each of us are two opposing forces, one predisposed to doing good and one bent on evil. The ramifications of this conflict play out daily in every human being, but we just want to say that, having seen his mug shot, maybe we understand Mel Gibson a little better this morning.

· In Touch scores an interview with some people who were drinking with Mel Gibson at Malibu restaurant Moonshadows before his DUI bust, as well as some photos of Gibson draped over his new best friends.
· The LAT publishes Gibson's mugshot, but doesn't he look a little too happy for a guy being thrown in the drunk tank by this sugar-titted, possibly Semitic oppressors?
· More! Mel! As it turns out, Gibson's Jew detector was better calibrated than previously revealed, as his arresting officer turns out to be Jewish.
· How did Mel get so nutty?
· Arianna Huffington picks up where her HuffPo blogger Ari Emanuel left off, suggesting that Gibson's agent should dump him as a client. Guess he's also not getting an invite to join the Huffington blogging family.
· The LA Weekly's Nikki Finke interviews the founder of the Simon Wiesenthal Center, who is not exactly ready to set up a Mel Gibson wing in the Museum of Tolerance.
· Junkiness pauses to recognizes Mel Gibson's fine body of work.
· Barbara Walters says she's through with Mel Gibson movies, though we imagine she'll secretly still watch Thunderdome once in a while.
· The Daily Gut offers the Gibson Guide on How to Address a Female Police Officer, which yields such scrumptious delights as "Toffee Snatch" and "Marzipan Twat."

While our Solomon-like Google Adsense bots offered embattled Mel Gibson several options for getting his life together, it seemed inevitable that he would ultimately choose the time-honored method of waiting out a public relations crisis in the comfort of rehab. A few weeks hence, Gibson will reemerge from his celebrity time-out a refreshed and more outwardly tolerant star, and this unpleasant driving-while-under-the-influence-of-anti-Semitic-devil-water business will seem like nothing more than a bad memory implanted in his brain by the Jews who run Hollywood.

Remember when Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel called for a industry boycott of Mel Gibson by saying, "There are times in history when standing up against bigotry and racism is more important than money." Good times, as they say. Over at Slate, Kim Masters has found at least one person in this town willing to opt for forgiveness over a symbolic stand against the drunk-drivingest, Jew-blamingest star in Hollywood:

Say what you will about Nikki Finke, the woman's got great journalistic instincts. In the wake of the Mel Gibson furor she contacts Rabbi Marvin Hier, dean and founder of the Los Angeles-based Simon Wiesenthal Center. Toward the end of the interview, Finke asks the rabbi if he would assist Gibson in changing his anti-Semitic attitudes. Hier responds:

If you don't have a subscription to Salon Premium (and, really, why would you?), you've probably had the experience of being forced to sit through a boring ad before finally read a piece that, when you think about it, wasn't worth the time you lost in the first place. Well, the editors of Salon are about to suffer the same torture that the readers do on a regular basis: They're calling for video Mel Gibson parodies, through which they will presumably have to sit and sort until they find something mediocre enough to put up. The best part? The winner gets $500, which is more than someone who pitches and writes a successful article for the webzine earns. Kind of makes you wonder how highly they prize their journalism. Something to think about the next time you're sitting through one of those Visa ads.

Taking to heart the Hollywood maxim that "All that is required for the triumph of drunken, anti-Semitic movie star evil is that good superagents do nothing," Endeavor icon Ari Emanuel is using his platform over at the Huffington Post to rally the entertainment industry to take a principled stand against Mel Gibson:

The first round of media analysis of How Mel Gibson's Anti-Semitic Tirade Will Affect His Career has arrived, with nearly everyone agreeing that Gibson's capping of his DUI arrest by accusing the "fucking Jews" of being "responsible for all the wars in the world" could possibly have some sort of undetermined negative impact on his future ability to make movies, or on the box office prospects of Apocalypto, his upcoming, Mayan-language adventure flick whose dialogue must now be scoured for hate speech cleverly masked by the Yucatec dialect. (Zero Wolf: "The tribal elders have selected you for human sacrifice. Please report to the altar atop the sacred pyramid in one hour to accept your fate." Jaguar Paw: "You go tell those fucking Jews to kiss my ass. I own this fucking jungle, sugar tits.") A round-up of early analyses and reactions:

In case you're wondering about the average Us Weekly reader — and really, who isn't? We're always asking ourselves, Who the fuck reads this? — let's look at the comments section from the Us blog post about Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic tirade. The readers respond:

• As you've no doubt heard, Mel Gibson was arrested Friday for drunk driving down the PCH in Malibu, at which point he announced that "fucking Jews" were "responsible for all the wars in the world." He also made it clear that he owned Malibu, called a female officer "sugar tits" and threatened to fuck everyone within earshot. The police department may have tried to hide the inflammatory report, seeing as they're such big fans of Braveheart. [TMZ]
• 26-year-old Band-Aid heiress Casey Johnson plans to adopt a baby from Kazakhstan and dress her in "the cutest leopard baby bikini." Babies sure are neat toys! [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton lookalikes are trashy, mildly psychotic — just like the real thing. [R&M]
• Tori Spelling and her husband love nothing more than a night in with some microwave popcorn and a copy of Black Cock Invasion II. [Page Six]
• On August 14, Boy George will perform his community service (for reporting a false break-in) by cleaning the streets. As extra punishment, they'll likely send him to Chinatown. [NYDN]

We're willing to bet that when news of Mel Gibson's DUI bust in Malibu early Friday became public later that day, the still-hungover actor probably had no idea that he would soon remember that initial report of his arrest as one of the happier, more carefree moments of his recent life. Since then, the simple story of "celebrity ingests too much alcohol, drives automobile too fast, and gets semi-embarrassing slap on the wrist from law enforcement officials of rich beach community" has become one of "celebrity ingests too much alcohol, drives automobile too fast, tries to run away from law enforcement officials attempting to give him semi-embarrassing slap on the wrist, is easily recaptured by law enforcement officials, threatens to commit act of sexual aggression against law enforcement officials, claims to own the rich beach community which employs law enforcement officials, promises to use vast financial resources to gain revenge upon law enforcement officials [Ed.note—Deep breath, here come the good parts], expresses belief that people of the Jewish faith are responsible for entirety of armed global conflict, tries to ascertain if law enforcement officials are members of the Jewish faith, notices presence of female law enforcement official, refers to female law enforcement official by epithet suggesting that her mammaries are made of sugar, pantomimes intention to urinate on floor of holding cell, and attempts to destroy malfunctioning phone when it fails to provide a dial tone for his legally mandated post-arrest call."

With intoxicated, faded stars like Daniel Baldwin and Haley Joel Osment recently hogging all the celebrity DUI news, we'd begun to lose hope that we'd ever see a $20-million-per-picture-quality name on the police blotter again. But like any good savior, Mel Gibson ignored our lack of faith and came through for us during a crisis of belief by throwing down a few too many last night and tearing around Malibu at "excessively fast speed," a boozy joy ride that earned him a misdemeanor charge and a $5,000 bond. Thank you, Mel. It's just nice to know that we still have someone we can believe in when we are beset on all sides by lesser Baldwins and former child actors.