Why doesn't anyone write us back?

This week, The New York Observer's Off The Record shrugs off its usual New York media navel-gazing by running a hard-hitting exposé on labor issues at... Cargo.

Sometimes, we wonder what the difference is between working for Viking ship Gawker and Murdoch ship The New York Post. Obviously, both companies allow one to work in their pajamas. Otherwise, upon reading Post-y Tom Sykes' "service journalism" piece today (and remember, you automatically love Tom because he's the brother of Bergdorf Blondes author Plum Sykes), in which he gets drunk on sake with a cute Asian woman (no, not Murdoch's wife), we're realizing that the differences are, well, very little.
Sake Hop [NYP]

Aging fans of 80s and 90s alt.culture may get a little jolt from the surprisingly hip—if slightly dated—trifecta hit by Books of the Times today.

NYT Hollywood reporter Sharon Waxman's technique for getting insiders to dish for her new book, Rebels on the Backlot, has finally been revealed: the good ol' fashioned threat of sodomy.

Let's clear something up, shall we? CBS anchor Dan Rather is not retiring because of MemoGate. No, Dan Rather is stepping down because he's because he's crazier than a bobcat in a barrel full of bandsaws:

Pity the indentured servant who tries to entertain radio host Don Imus' five-year-old son. Brooklynite Nichole Mallette, 24, was terminated from her job as the Imus family nanny after being found with a tiny pocket knife and cap gun during a vacation on Imus' New Mexico ranch. Despite insisting the cap gun was for Imus' son to "play cowboy" with during their stay, Mallette was questioned, fired, and escorted off the property in the middle of the night. Mallette is now suing for wrongful termination after "Imus later announced on his program that he had been forced to 'disarm' his nanny, whom he labeled as dangerous and a 'terrorist.'" We, however, are thanking God we have Don Imus to protect us and take down the terrorists, one nanny at a time.
Nanny Sues Imus Over Ranch Wrangle [TSG]

· Oh, silly William Safire, always using obscure journalistic terms and acting like we should know what the hell he's talking about. [Slate]
· It's not just Long Island dailies that have been fluffing their circulation figures; newspaper circulation has been on the decline since 1987 and everyone's trying to cover. [WaPo]
· Business Week's retiring EIC Stephen Shepard is appointed as the first dean of City University's Graduate School of Journalism; BW managing editor Mark Morrison leads the pack of Shepard's possible successors. [NYDN]

An intimate conversation with Matt Drudge's IM name:

We were so very near tears over the dilemma of replacing retiring Times columnist William Safire, we could barely lift our heads from our crusty pillows. We now know, however, that we needn't worry about the conservative side of the Times bed getting too cold in Safire's absence, as CNN resident robot Wolf Blitzer is taking the situation to task. Yes, Blitzer is rallying his viewer troops and soliciting their nominations for Safire's replacement. Which is kind of like having Ashlee Simpson judge American Idol.
Wolf Blitzer Reports [CNN]

In this week's review of the New York Times Book Review, Intern Alexis has some itching questions for Jacob Weisberg on Tom Wolfe, burning confusion over Kinky Freidman's treatment of Jimmy Buffet, and overall discomfort with James Atlas' coverage of V.S. Naipaul. After the jump, her weekly guide to sounding like you know what a bookstore is.

· American Media bigwig David Pecker is going through employees' computers to find out who keeps sending anti-Bonnie Fuller missives to the gossip columns. C'mon, David, we LOVE getting the emails. Lighten up. [Page Six]
· We don't think mandatory therapy should be limited to just war reporters. [CSM]
· People's unfortunately-monickered gossip columnist Zorianna Kit has left the mag because she never "gelled." [Page Six]
· Conde Nasties get an Audi discount; toiling slaves cry at the uselessness of it all.
· Retiring NBC anchor Tom Brokaw doesn't want his retirement to be a big event; maybe he should've thought of that before he hosted his own 2-hour farewell special on Friday night. [Time]

We've been making hymen restoration jokes since we lost our v-card in the backseat of a Subaru, but we still felt somewhat horrified when we read the Times' piece on vaginal plastic surgery. For those of you looking to take your ladyflower to the next level, plastic surgeons are offering liposuction and snips on labia length (because, like, violently ripping the hair from your tender flesh simply isn't enough). Columnist Amy Alkon writes:

With veteran Times columnist William Safire's imminent retirement looming over the conservative community, right-wing voices are clamoring at the chance to replace old man Saffy. Up for consideration are David Frum, Charles Krauthammer, Christopher Caldwell, Richard Brookhiser, Fred Barnes, and Robert Kagan; but openly conservative Times Washington man John Tierney is leading the pack as the most-mentioned name. While we're sure Tierney is just red enough to handle the job, can he stand the required nightly spooning with Times conservative cohort David Brooks?
The Right Man (Or Woman) Is Hard To Find [NYM]

While the rest of us were scrutinizing our reflections for signs of early holiday weight gain, Henry the Intern braved yet another episode of Topic A (we're actually concerned: has Henry even seen Desperate Housewives yet? Should we feel badly about that?). T-Bro, however, was still hungover from her birthday and pulling the Thanksgiving excuse, resulting in another semi-recycled hour. Henry (who, at this point, must be Tina's sole viewer) reports.

He's just that good, and don't you dare forget it.
Drudge Report

· Brokaw retires, Rather retires, and ABC's Peter Jennings is still standing. But for how long? [NYT]
· Meanwhile, will White House correspondent John Roberts be tapped as Rather's replacement? Some CBS execs are saying yes. [ChiTrib (reg. req'd)]
· Scott Pelley, a war reporter and 60 Minutes correspondent, is also being considered as Rather's replacement. [LAT]
· Apropos of nothing, is it possible to raise interesting questions about, um, journalists' hockey coverage? [Observer]

Thanksgiving is upon us and a cozy weekend in front of the hearth (or burning garbage can), full of thankful reflection, is imminent. So it seems only natural that Times public editor Daniel Okrent will use his weekend column to express his gratitudes. And really, there's so much to be thankful for:

While we think it's probably the right time for old man Rather to step down as anchor of the CBS Nightly News, we still feel kinda bad for him. Especially when he's taking digs from the Times:

· New CNN/U.S. prez Jonathan Klein is looking for the network's anchors to bring more personality to their broadcasts. We can't wait to see what this means for Anderson Cooper. [LAT]
· Jann Wenner will split top duties at Rolling Stone between three deputy editors: James Kaminsky, Will Dana, and Joe Levy. The three blind mice will answer only to Jann and there will be no replacement for the recently-vacated EIC position. [NYP]
· American Media is filing suit to prevent Dishalicious, a roman clef written by former Star researcher Stephanie Green (wait, Star has researchers? Impressive!) that portrays a certain, completely fictitious Canadian-born tabloid editor in an unfavorable manner. [WWD]