Looks like Rupert Murdoch is playing a big fat April Fool's joke on us all, because right now Dick Cheney is having lunch on the third floor of the Post's offices with editor Col Allen. In the spirit of our sister, we assume the pair are dining on only the finest, freshest babies.

In her 'Deadline Hollywood' column today, Nikki Finke reports that New York Times' Hollywood correspondent Bernard Weinraub is stepping down from his post:

Wanna get in on the hottest new trend? According to Michelle Malkin's latest column:

According to The New York Times, Barry Diller has just laid out $2 billion for Ask Jeeves. Yes, you read that right: two billion bones for a website you probably haven't gone to since 1999.

Drudge Report

Yes. It's shown us that death is not a private matter for family and friends, it's a public spectacle for politically motivated partisan hacks, opportunistic cable news channels, hack late night comedians, and unfunny bloggers to pick over the desiccated body of a sad, sick woman who is unable to speak for herself yet has become the empty vessel into which the aspirations, fears, and soul-crushing lies of snakes, scoundrels, and fools are dumped like so much toxic sludge from the rotting core of this dying planet.

Hey Kids,
Lately you've both been expending a lot of time and energy denouncing each other. As much as we all love a good feud, this one is becoming drawn out and boring.

Is old-school gossip finally being relegated to the nursing home? First Jazzy dies, then Le Cirque shuts its doors (for who knows how long), and now Liz Smith's fate is in question:

· Page Six gets downright catty with the Daily News over matters of their Madonna & Guy As Nun & Pope cover, as the Post ran the photo on Tuesday. And, um, Drudge ran the photo sometime last week. Glass houses, stones... Just sayin'. [Page Six]
· Alan Cumming revives the "Too Much Information" trend
by telling guests at a Svedka party about how he lost his virginity. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
· Governor Pataki's son has pride: in the Yale facebook, Teddy expresses the "Fuck yeah!" sentiment regarding America, then claims he's a marine and a killer. Right on. [R&M] · After Paris Hilton and Kimberly Stewart spend too much time hogging a bathroom stall (wiping each other's asses, we're sure), a woman waiting in line ends up pissing in a sink. Paris' response? "You dirty bitch!" [Page Six]

From deep within the platinum-glazed walls of the Cond Nast cafeteria, a reader sends word of a possible health crisis:

· Linda Stasi thinks Pat O'Brien lost his credibility. That is not a misprint. [NYP]
· Turmoil at Ms. Magazine. Our mom was the same way when she got to middle age: hot flashes, mood swings, dubious hairstyle choices. She's cool now, though. [NYO]
· Even we're not hacky enough to write fake titles for Mary Cheney's book. Okay, fine: The South Butch Diet. Happy, assholes? [Crains]
· Can't a writer just make things up anymore? Hunter S. Thompson is rolling over in his cannon as we speak. [E&P]

The New York Press is not only still in business (kineahora, poo-poo-poo), it just came out with its annual '50 Most Loathsome New Yorkers' list. Think of it as the inverted funhouse mirror version of Vanity Fair's 'Power List': You do not want to be up in this piece.

Say it ain't so: we're hearing that Zoe Alexander, the Diva Who Dines and editor-at-large for Life & Style, has been relieved of her stylish, lifelike duties at the weekly publication. Mais non!

File under, Oh, Those Amazing College Kids:

Andy Borowitz better watch his back! There's a new comedy sheriff in town, and she's packing some impressive firepower.

Good Scripts, Bad Scripts, by Thomas Pope, 1998
The Onion AV Club, March 30, 2005

From the Observer's September article, "The Botox Babies":

From Salon's Since you asked... advice column:

Hey, have you heard about the new trend of knitting? According to a signed New York Times editorial by Carol E. Lee (the same keen public-interest journalist who railed against the horrors of drunk dialing one day after the Iraqi elections):

Newspaper manqué, The New York Post, has seen the light. After chronicling every fluctuation in Terri Schiavo's situation—both medical and political—the paper of non-record has decided they've had ENOUGH: