Supernatural-obsessed youngsters are delicate creatures to cater to. Just ask the producers of Harry Potter and Twilight. The juggernauts often square off in ideological combat, but when it comes to their movies, they mostly stay far away from each other.

Billy Mays is dead, but his ghost will return to haunt your television until you order roll after roll of Mighty Tape, to quiet the bearded demon. It's what he would have wanted.

Burger King is constantly getting tons of free publicity for its outrageous offensive (and wacky!) ads, which it sometimes apologizes for afterward. Could this be a purposeful strategy? Of course! But now they're fucking with the goddess Lakshmi. Bad move.

While you were all just hanging out last weekend swimming in a pool and smoking weed, Michael Phelps was being quietly reintroduced as a pitchman for Subway.

The Washington Post sent a flier to DC corporate lobbyists and other scum offering them an exclusive, schmoozy dinner with political officials and Post reporters for only $25,000. Now they're disavowing it! Come now. They were just too honest.

Hey, kids: We've noticed you all aren't hanging out at Denny's all night as much as you used to. Denny's wants you back, teenage vagrants! Come meet your "cool" bands, at Denny's! Like Rascal Flatts. You kids like that, eh??

What to call the Nigerian joint venture with Russia's Gazprom, hmmm? Hmm. "Nigaz." That's an even worse faux pas than Gazprom's Ukrainian joint venture, "VladimirPutinIsAnEvilFucker." [Post your own joint ventures in the comments!]

Planned Parenthood is mailing condoms to college kids in their welcome packets, which would be totally passé in developed regions of the country. But this was in Missouri!

Burger King is selling sandwiches with blowjobs. Various female sex symbols orgasmically consume burgers in TV ads. What next? Hardee's asks you to "Name our Holes." Hardee's executives love to fuck biscuit dough.

It's no secret that the situation at the Plaza has been pretty grim what with all the apartments for sale that haven't been selling, retail space that hasn't been renting, bitter lawsuits, and reports of shoddy construction work. And it definitely wasn't a great sign when the condo/hotel started offering free architecture tours to lure people into the building a couple of months ago. We're going to guess, though, that the Plaza's new marketing approach—offering Eloise-themed party packages—won't do much to improve matters: "The Live Like Eloise Slumber Party Package accommodates six guests and includes a suite, a copy of The Eloise Guide to Life, Eloise DVDs, Eloise postcards, Eloise snacks, rollaway beds, and a trophy party for elementary schoolers, or, the hotel hopes, a 'girls night' for adult women. It starts at $3,595." It's really too bad those Russian billionaires who bought condos in the building are moving out. They would have totally loved this. [NYO]

Last night the Brooklyn Cyclones, a minor league affiliate of the New York Mets, transformed into the "Baracklyn Cyclones" to honor Barack Obama in "a night of patriotic partying at the ballpark." Some Cyclone fans were not pleased.

Sometimes a worthless "consumer" will see some very strategic high-concept ad that involves, say, a subservient chicken, and innocently ask, "How does that sell burgers?" And then the creative ad execs will chuckle at this un-strategic dunce, their target audience.

Maxim recently folded its UK print version, and it's facing the horrific specter of a world with no cigarette ads. Times are tough. So they're coming out with yet another brand spinoff! It's a full-blown trend now:

Last week, the federal government passed a bill that lets the FDA essentially control everything about how cigarettes are advertised and marketed. New restrictions could save thousands of lives. But wait, this could hurt magazines! Stop everything!

Bloomberg's been bragging it suddenly tripled its number of scoops in the first quarter. How did the financial wire do it? A company mole forwarded along one particularly egregious example.

If you're going to spend $255 on crib for your spawn, you might as well do it ironically, right?

Maybe the iconic imagery of the '60s meant something in its own time, but today it's solely used as a nostalgia trigger to lure aging Baby Boomers into purchasing crap from massive corporations. Shut up and buy, you old hippies.

This sexuadvertisingly-transmitted viral has been going around quietly for a while but we haven't seen it since we're not beer-guzzling porn freaks (professionally). We're sad to admit that this vibrator-featuring Bud Light ad is amusing on its own merits:

Politiconumerical nerd-guru Nate Silver is totally in the tank for Peet's Coffee, and uses his statistical wizardry to imply it's better than Starbucks. But is it better than McCafé? This marketing crap is your future, Nate Silver. Drink up.