An inspired move by New York to play on Lindsay Lohan's obsession with Marilyn Monroe. Adam Moss' magazine scored one of the big web hits of the week, by persuading the Hollywood actress to strip for the same photographer who took the last, erotic photographs of Monroe before she committed suicide. Like I said, inspired. But not very original, it turns out. If Lindsay Lohan was paying homage to the mid-century bombshell, New York should have explained that it was itself paying homage to rival Vanity Fair. In 2006, Lohan channeled her alter ego in a spread for Graydon Carter's magazine. The styling? Borrowed from the first pictures of a 19-year-old Marilyn Monroe, at the beach in a white bathing suit. To think that, only two years ago, Lohan could play the ingenue without ridicule; now she's more credible as a washed-up actress on suicide watch. (Clockwise from top left: the early Marilyn, by photographer Andre De Dienes; Vanity Fair's February 2006 cover; this week's New York; and, the inspiration, the mid-century actress' "last sitting" with Bert Stein. Below: larger photos.)

Magazines are dying and the web is surging, but maybe there is a web ad bust on the way, and also maybe the web is what is killing magazines, or maybe no one reads anymore, and (former Gawker managing editor) Choire Sicha is trying to figure it all out in today's Observer. He's also trying to figure out Rolling Stone's Britney Spears cover and New York's Lindsay Lohan cover, the two most important magazine covers of this century. But, about that Rolling Stone piece—we all saw the good bits, because they were leaked, by RS, to Perez, but maybe we mostly missed the more "important" thinky bits of Vanessa Grigoriadis' story, because RS only put the first 606 words on their website? Regardless, Rolling Stone had their "best week ever in the history of the Web site," even without the story. So maybe all they needed were the photo galleries? "Until the people on the business side are sure they're going to replace that revenue, that's how it's going to be," says an editor. Maybe we don't actually need content anymore, just the idea of content? That will save everyone a bit of time and money!

So Lindsay Lohan posed nude, like Marilyn Monroe soon before her death, for the cover of New York magazine. Wittiest take: "Hard not to see the whole enterprise as a suicide note with unusually intense art direction." [The Gurgling Cod via Alex Balk]

· Because nothing says "I'm a good dad" like psychotically destroying a wooden desk with a sledgehammer! Score another one for Ben Silverman, this guy can't lose. [NBC.com]
· Our pervy (in a good way!) brethren over at Fleshbot got their hands on a clip of Gene Simmons giving a half-hearted rogering to some blonde lass. You have been warned, the clip is both NSFW and NSF-YourStomach. [Fleshbot]
· While we didn't actually take the time to read Esquire's Kate Beckinsale quiz, we spend a lot of time looking at the pictures. Wonder if this means we passed. [Esquire]
· Whoever convinced ScarJo to get that horrible tattoo on her forearm needs to be reprimanded. [ONTD]
· How does one top off a day in which millions and millions of Americans looked at your breasts? If you're Lindsay Lohan, you do it by going to watch Monday Night Raw. With no pants on. [The Sun]

Okay, everyone needs to chill out and relax already about those nudie pics Lindsay shot for NY Mag. There's nothing wrong with a young girl splashing her freckalicious T&A all over billboards and buses, so zip up your pants and act like an adult. Why? Because Dina Lohan says so! As the momager/pimp tells People, "I looked at it as art...I don't look at them like it's Playboy. Trust me. I wouldn't have sent my 14 year-old to the set. And obviously Lindsay wouldn't do anything with her sister there that was risque." Yes, Dina, obviously. More lessons from the House of Lohan, and Lindsay's pre-shoot workout regime, after the jump.

As we pointed out yesterday, Lindsay Lohan's nude body [pic via New York] is only interesting insofar as it generates lofty intellectual analysis. What underlying effect might the photo shoot have on Lindsay, her career, and American culture as a whole? Radar rounded up reaction to these questions from several esteemed media observers (including Ronn Torossian), but we decided to turn to the world's foremost experts in these matters: the Gawker commenters. After the jump, five incisive observations from two commenters that summarize—in verse, no less!— this sordid moment in our history.

New York Magazine's pictures of nekkid Lindsay Lohan are titillating, sure. But more importantly, they are the embodiment of oh-so-many media trends! Like the trend of a glossy magazine grabbing a high-fashion photographer to make shirtlessness upscale (for men and women). Also, the "trend" of serious news outlets exploiting pop culture for massive clicks while still maintaining their "smart" cred. Further, tragic celebrities—living or not— are the best attractions. The Lohan shoot isn't pegged to her funeral, but it's pretty damn grim foreshadowing, considering the Marilyn Monroe theme. Finally, the whole thing provides the same masturbatory value as a hypothetical Lohan Playboy shoot; but with better PR for both sides. Of course, we would never put ourselves above covering the latest sex news. So since NYMag.com is currently crushed under an incoming barrage of clicks from masturbators, we've put the most relevant Lohan pic [by Bert Stern, via New York] after the jump. It's technically NSFW, but hey, it's a holiday!

Despite the recent appearance of Lindsay Lohan's Sober Face (not to mention her Sober Nipples), there are a few disturbing indications that the Ghosts Of Cokepants Past are re-entering her life. The all-knowing, all-seeing eyes of TMZ caught Lohan enjoying the sabbath with some close friends at Villa last night (we're guessing they weren't watching the NBA All-Star Game). But when it came time to call it an evening, Lindsay's posse pulled a page from the Scooby Doo playbook in an attempt to fool the paparazzi into thinking she had already left the club: namely, they created a diversion.

Considering that she once celebrated her birthday by hosting parties in five different cities, Paris Hilton has set the bar pretty high when it comes to self-indulgent birthday parties. So when it came time to celebrate her 27th birthday, she did what every slutty heiress would do — take the stage with The Pussycat Dolls in hooker clothes, of course! But while Hilton played quick change artist (alternating between a "sexy" cop and a a "sexy" lingerie model), there was one newly sober and newly naked star who wasn't allowed to attend the festivities.

[Actress Lindsay Lohan at the 3rd Annual Los Angeles Italia - Film, Fashion and Art Festival yesterday; image via WENN]

Click to viewAh, President's Day. We cannot think of a greater way to celebrate the memory of Millard Fillmore and James Garfield than to spend the next ten or fifteen minutes (hours?) rifling through New York's nude photoshoot with Lindsay Lohan. Just last week, we were celebrating Lindsay's new Sober Face, but even we must admit that it pales in comparison to her new Sober Nipples. Which, we might add, are on full display (!) in two of the spread's ten slides. As far as career rejuvenation stunts are concerned, we are predicting that this tastefully titillating homage to Marilyn Monroe's "Last Sitting" is poised to sit alongside Drew Barrymore's role in Poison Ivy in the pantheon of greatest breast-baring comebacks of all-time. A few of the tamer (but still NSFW!) selections follow after the jump; the rest can be found in this week's edition of New York. You have been warned.

After seeing photos of Lindsay Lohan at last night's Fendi party, we couldn't help but feel proud of our girl. For the first time in years, that freckled face showed no signs of alcohol poisoning, septum damage, hangover bloat or conspicuous white dust at all. Lindsay's new Sober Face makes all her previous public appearances look like a dismal collage of (fun-filled!) disaster-laced evenings. Speaking of said evenings, we put together a little sampling of some of our favorite past instances of LiLo sporting her Tipsy Face. We think you'll all agree that she looks much better when she avoids the booze. All the dizzying "before" shots after the jump!

A source tells us that Hollywood Insider host and booze hound Pat O'Brien (formerly of Access Hollywood) has chosen Los Angeles' Wonderland Center to be his latest rehab destination. The posh, Laurel Canyon house of detox is well known for hosting one Lindsay "Exhaustion" Lohan about a year ago. Though offering a fairly comprehensive treatment program, the Center also offers pampered celebrity must-haves like spa service and gourmet food. Lohan has since been to two other rehab centers, so it leads one to wonder if the drunken, mustachioed gossip monger, who has been to rehab once before himself, will be back to "sucking your tits" in no time. What these people really need is a good old state-run detox facility where you sit in a bare white room with a shivering methadone addict for three days while watching the spiders crawl by. Or, you know, functioning support systems waiting for them on the outside. Whichever. Bonus Pat O'Brien sex call/Alec Baldwin scaring children call mash-up after the jump.

Troubled actress Lindsay Lohan reportedly has a dangerous enabler friend/hanger-on named Patrick Aufdenkamp (which is actually the sound Heidi Klum makes when she sneezes) and it is not good! Sources close to the actress say Aufdenkamp (bless you!) has put her in close proximity to alcohol on numerous occasions, including the star's New Year's trip to Italy, during which she had a relapse. Also breaking news: TMZ makes their one millionth "No, no, no" rehab joke, for which Harvey Levin will receive a free meal at the Ground Round. [TMZ]

Hey, we know what everyone could use right about now! A probably fake Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan catfight story, set at Timbaland's Grammys party, and ripped from the pages of a sundry British tabloid. Are we right? Of course we're right! Take it away, Mirror UK:

Oh no they didn't. Evidently droopy-eyed heiress Paris Hilton and droopy-lifed actress Lindsay Lohan got into some kind of blowout at a Grammys after party last night. Seems that the freckle and cocaine dappled Lohan, upon seeing Hilton at the same party, shrieked: "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." Hilton deftly parried, hissing "Fuck off you bitch." Reportedly they both want to work with producer Timbaland (who was hosting the party) to reboot their failing music careers. Sooo, it's eventually just going to get to the point where they stab each other in the eyes upon first greeting, huh? [Mirror]

Calvin Klein has always been a fan of drugged-up stars, but this morning's announcement that the designer picked Eva Mendes to star in his Spring `09 fragrance campaign makes him look less like a "fan," and more like a druggie Obsessive (uh, get it?). Klein, of course, is not only the man behind those heroin chic denim ads featuring (ahem!) Kate Moss in the 90s, but he's also been in and out of the revolving rehab door once or twice himself. While TMZ reports that the designer's decision to feature Eva in ads for the spring spreads came hours before her announcement, we're starting to wonder if Klein isn't just some pill-popping, powder-snorting design wiz like the rest of 'em.

We read the celebrity news so you don't have to. In case this morning's one-paragraph gossip roundup was too much unbroken text, here's a handy guide to our ailing stars. They're dropping like flies!

A celebrity-heavy crowd at Graydon Carter's West Village supper club, this evening, reports one diner at the Waverly Inn:

Is it officially time to retire the suffix "to-the-stars"? All signs point to yes, now that New York's self-proclaimed "Drug Dealer to the Stars" is hunting down members of the press willing to pay for his stories of celebs snorting his stuff. Especially when homeboy's marketing skills include teasing the NY gossips with the least shocking client listing ever: Lindsay Lohan. No. Effing. WAY. At this point, hasn't every single drug dealer from Los Angeles to Laos helped aid LiLo's (alleged) addiction? If this guy wants a payday, at least give us an Olsen, a Baldwin or a Wilson to write about.