Shocking (shocking!) news has surfaced that yet another flat-chested actress was deemed not voluptuous enough for her movie poster. The lusty marketing team behind Fool's Gold are not fools; they realized that Kate Hudson's no Lindsay Lohan in the breast department. To that end, The Daily Mail is reporting that Hudson's natural A-cups were boosted up to Bs in promotional pictures for the film, possibly in an effort to give Matthew McConaughey's pecs a run for their money. But Kate's not the only cleavage-challenged actress that's been digitally bazoomed on a poster. Anyone remember the titular tales behind Keira Knightley, Jessica Alba, Emma Watson and yes, even Lindsay Lohan's digital enhancements? We do!

Is it possible that Lindsay Lohan has not only achieved sobriety but also a knack for irony to rival Jon Stewart? At a party celebrating her Paper Magazine cover yesterday (which features a sour-looking badass version of the Lindsay we once loved to hate), LiLo decided to show up wearing a "skirt" emblazoned with neon traffic signs (is it just us, or does that look less like a "skirt" and more like a tube top?). We hope that Eli Roth was in attendance at the party so he could exact revenge on the ageist nip-flasher by loudly muttering "too Spencer's" as she strutted by.

[Actress Lindsay Lohan being celebrated as Paper magazine's 2008 cover girl in Los Angeles yesterday; image via WENN]

Designer Jill Stuart may have had enough of Lindsay Lohan's slutty shenanigans! Stuart signed the persistently famous Lohan on as the face of her brand for a big ad campaign last year, but now she is reportedly looking at Hilary Swank as a "more professional image" for her next campaign [Mixed Media]. A double standard could be in effect; a lifetime of drug use and crazy behavior by Rolling Stone Keith Richards hasn't prevented him from being picked as the new face of Louis Vuitton. If a luxury brand wants a wild celebrity fronting it, shouldn't they at least pick an attractive one? After the jump, a visual comparison of Lohan's ads with Richards' ad. See if you can tell which has lived harder.

We are deeply saddened to report that momager, pimp and our very own white Oprah, Ms. Dina Lohan, has signed with E! to film her long-lusted after reality show. According to the network's official press release, we shall be forced to view Dina's attempts to jumpstart the other ones' (Ali and Cody) careers in showbiz, and they'll tell you why the torturous Living Lohan is necessary:

Lindsay Lohan doesn't have a rep for being the picky type when it comes to bumping uglies. Considering that her post-hab dating history includes flings with a snowboarder with debatable level of attractiveness and the perpetually frowny faced Sam Ronson, Lindsay has proven time and time again that it takes little more than the promise of a keybump or twelve to get inside her cokepants. Which is why we find ourselves cracking up at the way that leading Hollywood torture-pornographer Eli Roth's recent run-in with La Lohan went down, an encounter he detailed on his MySpace:

Has the Hef finally reached that age where he should start relegating his casting decisions to someone with, ahem, better vision? After understandably courting Lindsay Lohan to pose for Playboy following her NY Mag shoot (Note: we may have typed the phrase "following her NY Mag shoot" approximately 79 times in the last week. That's called a successful spread, people.), the robed golden oldie has now set his sights on none other than the collective 100 pound twosome that are Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Having previously begged the then-plumpish-sized twins on their 18th birthday, Hef is still under the impression that "the twins are every young man's fantasy," according to a source at Ace Showbiz. Call us crazy, but last time we checked, women with the bodies of 12 year-old boys who dress like grannies ready to hop the bus to Atlantic City don't exactly set men's pants ablaze...

Lindsay Lohan has never been one to shy away from press, no matter how bad or embarrassing it may be. And following right on the heels of her controversial nip-baring photo shoot for New York Magazine, Lindsay's apparently become so fond of showing off her T&A that she's decided to arrange various photo shoots displaying each of her five tattoos. And though the tats' placement aren't, as far as we know, placed in the vicinity of body parts the revealing Marilyn Monroe-inspired shoot didn't dare show, we wouldn't be surprised if a nouveau tat representing some lame Chinese saying for sobriety appeared in the exhibit, premiering this Thursday in New York. Images of LiLo's known tattoos after the jump; it's up to you to figure out how highbrow artists are going to manage to turn the oh-so-original stars and John Lennon lyrics into masterpieces:

After watching her big sister Lindsay flame out at the box office, endure several stints in rehab, flee daily from the paparazzi, and get banned from parties, it's only natural that 14-year-old Ali Lohan would point a bony finger and say "Me want." "I grew up watching Lindsay," she says in an upcoming Teen Vogue interview ,"It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you ... it's so cool when people look up to you." Hm. Yes. Like Lindsay, lying in a gutter, asking for help. If you're curious about how this is all going to play out, Ali and family (including, most intriguingly, child eating Rose Hovickian mother Dina) are the stars of a new E! reality series that documents her fledgling acting and singing career. Sniff. [Showbiz Spy] If you're even more curious, a video interview with Ali after the jump.

Poor Lindsay Lohan! Prince, that lady who sings "The Color Purple", had a huge post-Oscar bash on Sunday. Absolutely everyone in the whole world went. Except Lindsay. Prince explicitly did not invite the cocaine-sprinkled young actress, so she had to miss out on all the revelry, which apparently involved strippers of various varieties. How sad. Prince is a Mean Girl! [The Superficial]

Lindsay Lohan went to rehab and then got to be naked Marilyn Monroe in New York magazine, but maybe it's all just too much because now she's having trouble standing upright, even when surrounded by handlers and cameras. In the following video, Lohan is next to her waiting car in front of a Hollywood nightclub and takes an awful spill. Lohan is said to have fallen while trying to get into the car. But the tumble looks much more vertical than that — she's standing straight up one second, crumpled on the sidewalk the next. It's hard to imagine, but maybe she was a little, well, drunk. The video is difficult to make out, since it was shot through a raindrop-stained car window, so we've repeated the relevant portion three or four times:

While not nearly as prestigious as winning an Oscar, being bestowed with a Razzie has its perks. Take our freckled friend Lindsay Lohan, for example. After her breathtaking turn in Just My Luck was snubbed at the 2007 Razzies, LiLo finally ditched the dreaded "Susan Lucci of the Razzies" tag that had been holding her career back when she took home three Razzies at this year's ceremony. She took home not one but TWO Worst Actress prizes for her devastatingly powerful turns as both Aubrey and Dakota I Know Who Killed Me (take that, Jeremy Irons in Dead Ringers!), and she also managed to grab the esteemed Worst Couple Award. For those of you glass-half-full types out there, that's three more awards than Paul Thomas Anderson won this weekend. So we guess she's got that going for her! [Daily Mail]

It's an acronym, actually, and it means Not Safe For Work. This week was filled with great NSFW stuff: Lindsay Lohan's boobs, Gene Simmons's sex tape and even part of the Paris Hilton's nipple. But the only thing more depressing than seeing a former rock legend with a flexible blonde is not being able to see it at work. (NSFW)

Lindsay Lohan's recent decision to strip down to nothing for an egregiously under-airbrushed New York magazine pictorial recreating a sitting from the last days of a similarly troubled™ screen icon was enough to raise more than a few Hollywood eyebrows; shock-starlet watchers questioned whether dabbling a freckled toe into softcore waters could lead to a headlong tumble into the dark, cokepant-strewn abyss. Most of those concerns were put to rest, however, the moment noted momabler Dina Lohan assured the world that the photos were in fact not-at-all desperate, completely non-exploitative art. Now, via an E! Online exclusive that doesn't at all give off the pungent whiff of publicist-planted damage control, we learn that Lohan's career is right back where she wants it to be, including a starring turn on the big screen alongside the extremely bankable and A-listy Jack Black:

In a move that may send the space-time fabric of the Manhattan gossip media folding in on itself with apocalyptic results, Leven Rambin, the Julia Allison-connected 17 year-old All My Children actress, love object of Hud Morgan, and proto-starlet of the celebrity-industrial complex, has announced that she will be playing a "Lindsay Lohan-esque character" in an upcoming episode of "Lipstick Jungle." So, "does that mean she's a messy party girl with a coke problem?" wonders Ben Widdicombe. "'Oh yes,' Rambin nodded enthusiastically, and then added: 'The character that is, not me.'" The implications are staggering. A recap, a link to a handy visual aid, and a guide to the key questions we now face, below.

Michael Lohan is back and he's looking for trouble. Not only has he allegedly revealed all the prescription medications Lindsay has ever taken to In Touch, he also claims he's chosen not to view the NY Mag photo shoot because he's such a good dad. So, dare we ask, what advice does he have for his darling daughter and all the other lost souls out there? "Most of these young people shouldn't be on some of these medications, they should be getting spiritual guidance, counseling and exercise." Not only does Michael know just what's good for you, he's qualified to give out medical advice! The only difference between Michael and a real doctor? That pesky doctor-patient confidentiality thing.

UK tabloids are enjoying huge web traffic thanks to American celebrity scandals. Unfortunately for our trade deficit, we see none of that money. Even when the Daily Mail runs New York's NUDE LINDSAY LOHAN shots, without permission. (The photos, owned by Bert Stern, are under embargo—the Daily Mail just made up a little "nymag.com" watermark, slapped it on, and ran with them.) [FishbowlNY]

Our fondness for Attack Of The Show's impossibly shiny haired Olivia Munn has been well-documented on these here pages. Aside from our fanboyish appreciation of her considerable physical charms, the thing that we feel separates Munn from the other pretty faces that grace the telly is her fearlessly honest assessments of some of the, shall we say, floozier members of the Young Hollywood set. Take her comments on Lindsay Lohan's boob-baring photoshoot, for example. What other female television color commentator would dare label LiLo as looking "haggard" and then follow that crack by putting her low-hanging boobs on blast? We can answer that for you: none. Olivia Munn, we salute you and your impossibly shiny hair. Stay gold.

New York got 20 million page views on Monday and Tuesday. Non-Lohan content "received between 2 million and 3 million page views." Further: maybe we are wrong about everything, or some things, at least? "A spokeswoman says New York has sold 500 more subscriptions this week than in an average week." Sure to be 500 very disappointed people. Unless they really need to know the best doctors in New York or why everyone hates Park Slope. [Portfolio]

[Actress Lindsay Lohan arriving at a Los Angeles restaurant with her new boyfriend yesterday; image via X17]