Also-ran music channel Fuse is looking for some aspiring musicians, for a reality show, but it definitely isn't interested in your squeaky-clean, David Archuleta-from-American Idol types. According to a flyer (left) spotted last night in SoHo by an email tipster, Fuse wants someone who is interested in being the next — WINK WINK — Amy Winehouse. A "wild party girl." Someone who can handle being filmed smoking something mysterious (ahem) and then being questioned by police in connection with said film. Or, alternatively, the channel is open to landing a more serious type who models herself after a certain female rapper who was incarcerated for a year in connection with a shooting involving two associates. Whatever, either way is fine, as long as you are female. But, either way, hurry! Interviews began yesterday. Email and phone contacts are after the jump for those who "live the rock & roll lifestyle:"

It's rare that a reality show performs a true public service, but if this new Miss Rap Supreme show on VH1 can actually uncover a single talented female rapper, it would be doing America a favor. Think about the current status of our most famous female MCs: Lil Kim went to jail, Foxy Brown went to jail, Remy Ma is going to jail, and Lauryn Hill, the best of them all, is behaving like a crackhead. Who are young women supposed to look up to, public intellectuals? Ridiculous. I have high hopes about the idea for the show, which is the logical demographic successor to last year's painful version, The White Rapper Show. MC Serch is back (and still employed)! And he's finally teamed up with Yo-Yo! Miss Rap Supreme premiers tonight at 10. I have no idea whether any of the girls on it are good rappers or not, but they do look reliably crazy, which is half the battle. The full trailer, below.

The pint-sized Lil' Kim is hip-hop's "Queen Bee" and the former boo of the late Notorious B.I.G.

• Lil' Kim ate well in the joint.
• Rocketboom parted ways with the world's most miraculous pair of breasts. And before we got to make our "More like Rocketboob" joke.
• Even in death, Ken Lay gave life to the P.R. industry.
• Some web site made minor changes, mostly bumping up font sizes and such. No big deal.
• There's Something About Larry: He's a big-time farter.
• Benji Madden got in a fight with a MisShapes kid, which is almost as challenging as beating up someone in a wheelchair.
• Hopefully "I just wanted to touch him like a kitten" sounds less molestery in Russian.
• You never know what's going to happen when you ride the train, but it usually doesn't involve getting sliced in half by power tools. Usually.

If you happened to see any of the sensitive local tabloid covers from yesterday, you know that Lil' Kim gained a little weight in the slammer. Unlike Martha Stewart, who emerged from prison looking wonderfully svelte, Lil' Kim's time behind bars was spent perfecting her corpulence (alas, it's been reported that the rapper nevertheless spent her Independence Day dining on barbecued chicken and ribs). Such is what happens when starstruck wardens are begging to give you their food. Kim also told the Post that during her time in prison, her fellow inmates regularly brought her breakfast in bed and tailored her jumpsuit. You didn't think the Queen Bee would go to prison and not be the lead bulldyke on the block, did you?

At least someone's free today: Lil' Kim, the bulbous rapper who has spent the past 10 months in the Phildelphia Federal Detention Center, has finally reasserted her street cred enough to be released back into the wild. Kim was sentenced to one year and one day behind bars for perjury and conspiracy stemming from a 2001 gunfight outside of, naturally, the Hot 97 building, when her posse crossed paths with rival Foxy Brown's posse. Kim got out this morning at 6 AM, appearing in an "all-white, cleavage-baring outfit," thus demonstrating to would-be prisoners how to manipulate the lonely lesbian-driven system into an early release.

• For their weepy reality show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, ABC casting execs are hunting for families with multiple children born with Down's Syndrome — or, even better, kids suffering from Progeria, aka "little old man's disease." Sad, but we always knew Ty Pennington was bad news. Never trust a dude in a hemp necklace. [TSG]
• Through the power of lemonade, one girl will try to save Lil' Kim from the harsh realities of prison life — now in pre-production for Lifetime. [Philadelphia Will Do]
• How to be a really questionable curator, courtesy of those daffy dilletantes at the Whitney. [Art Fag City]
• We're not sure if the author of the following post is really named Jen, but could she actually be the mythical Evelyn the Food Whore? [Craigslist]
• Wearing Prada loafers for your Condé Nast job interview means nothing if your family isn't sitting on piles of money. [Almost Girl]
• Who uses Meetup these days? Rat people, that's who. [Meetup]
• You're not going to believe this, but: Celebrity publicists use gossip columns as PR tools. We know, we know — is nothing sacred? [OPRN]
• Last but certainly not least, the kings and queens of Manhattan now know how to shit like royalty. [NYM]

We were unable to get to Philadelphia in time, but it seems that there was a "grassroots" press conference held yesterday in support of incarcerated rapper Lil' Kim, who is serving time for lying on the stand regarding a shooting outside of NYC radio station Hot 97. Apparently her fans feel Kim's had a "lack of assistance" in prison, likely regarding her reportedly leaky breast implants.

Thanks to yesterday's record-setting tech woes, we never had the chance to tell you how we really feel:

As if this evening's television schedule weren't compelling enough — The Office versus Bringing Down the House — we've now yet another program for the Thursday night DVR party. BET is airing the premiere of incarcerated rapperista Lil' Kim's Countdown to Lockdown, which follows our heroine during her last two weeks of freedom before embarking on a year in maximum-security prison. (Recap: She's not going just for the sake of street cred; Kim was found guilty of perjury last July and entered the pen in September). During her final days on the street, she has a video to shoot, family to see, and, of course, a new album to promote. But that's not what will make for compelling television:

• Rapper Lil' Kim, who's been serving time since September for perjury, is finding prison to be more tough than she expected: Her gargantuan breast implants are leaking. That's some definite street cred right there. [R&M]
• Times reporter Warren St. John sells the movie rights to his articles uncovering the J.T. Leroy hoax for Harvey Weinstein. Expect New York mag, which explored the hoax before St. John made the ultimate declaration, to spontaneously combust with anger. [Page Six]
• Bonnie Fuller has invited Courtney Cox to shadow the AMI beast around the office for a day; Cox is preparing for her upcoming sitcom roll as a tabloid queen who magically aborts celebrities' babies. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Divorce is hard enough; divorce when you have a thing for trannies is even worse. [Page Six]
• If cracky singer Whitney Houston is indeed pregnant, Child Protective Services should probably start preparing now. [Scoop]

In the spirit of service journalism (and sisterhood, dammit) we're happy to provide you with the official mailing address for rapper Lil' Kim, who was recently incarcerated for perjury. Please ready your care packages and send them to the following address:

On Monday, Rapper Lil' Kim will begin serving her year-long prison stint for lying under oath during a case involving gunfire exchanged between her associates and that of rival hip-hopista Foxy Brown. How, we wonder, will Kim spend her last days as a free woman?

· Liz Smith says we've unfairly locked her in the supply closet: "don't they know that Babs doesn't have a thing to do with me? I'm on her Z list. I'd be the last person she'd ever invite April 24!" [Liz Smith]
· Comedian Bill Maher was shocked and offended to learn that Details chief Dan Peres didn't reserve a VIP table for him and his ten friends at their pool party last week. "When you invite someone like me to a party..." he whined. [Page Six]
· The ultimate in conspicuous consumption: For a recent Nylon photoshoot, Lil' Kim wore a diamond studded AmEx Centurion card (the highly exclusive black ones) around her neck. The name on the card: ID Models mogul Paolo Zampolli. [Page Six]
· Director Roman Polanski on Adrien Brody, after the actor forgot to thank him in his Oscar speech: "He's a punk. I want nothing more to do with him. Never ever will I work with him again." [Cindy Adams]
· The rules for visiting Camp David: "No guns, no explosives, no mobile phones, no pagers, no cigarettes, no "dipping," meaning no snuff tobacco." [Liz Smith]
· Heiress Marylou Whitney learns how to operate a washing machine. [NY Daily News]