When Larry King's eighth divorce became public knowledge, we quickly found out that Larry was in love with his wife's sister and his wife was diddling their kids' baseball coach. Now that coach wants to cash in by baring all.

The guy who hacked Sarah Palin's email is in court and could be in some pretty deep shit. Daughter Bristol took the stand yesterday to talk about Fox News and crazy Alaska boys and losing her cellphone. It's a tear-jerker.

America's most famous teenage mother has a new commercial denouncing pre-marital sex. The message of the spot is basically, "If Sarah Palin is not your mother, don't have a baby as a teen." There's also a Levi Johnston guest spot!

Sources say the star has made up her mind. Lindsay Lohan nonsensically addresses her white powder accident. Mischa Barton barfs. Levi Johnston is back for more. Michael Jackson wasn't dead at the hospital. Tuesday's gossip is alive. It's alive!

The Palin-related reality show we've been waiting for since Sarah announced hers! Radar reports the show will take place in Alaska and feature Johnston "riding on pimped out snow machines with jet fuel in them." Say no more. Please. [Radar]

Sharon fantasizes about a capitalist end for her "waterbed" chest. Lil' Wayne is finally at Rikers, and now we know his real height. Kelly Cutrone saves the world with her vibrator. Tuesday gossip is climactic.

Life on the D-List visited Alaska last night, and Kathy Griffin spent five straight minutes laying into Sarah Palin, whom she says she invited to the show. In town for the Iditarod, Kathy said she ice-fished with Levi, too.

Commenter Little Green Frog alerts us to an airborne controversy: the airline Airtran has put a big picture of a swimsuit-clad woman on a Boeing 737 as a promo for the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. Flight attendants are mad.

As the heat from the Tiger Woods sex scandal cools, the once paparazzi plagued Rachel Uchitel will again settle into the cold grip of obscurity. She is one of scandal's secondary players, and we are done with her.

Because all the slots for MTV's Teen Mom were taken, Levi Johnston's babymama Bristol Palin will act for the first time on ABC Family's pubescents and placentas drama The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Not type casting at all.

Remember when Sarah Palin went on Oprah and scoffed at Levi Johnston for getting paid for "pornography?" Well now she wants a piece of the action. The Palins have subpoenaed Playgirl for Levi's check stub.

The blood of a thousand PR assistants runs through the streets after a frightful error leaves Wintour in the cold. Elin debates attending Tiger's press conference. Gabourey Sibide is so over Vanity Fair's all-white Young Hollywood issue. Thursday gossip ahoy!

Gaga's dress gets messy in the snow, Jersey Shore's Vinny forgoes a surreal appearance at Yale. John Mayer apologizes for using the n-word. Amanda Bynes doesn't see why craving "chocolate" men is wrong. Thursday's gossip is white all over.

• Lots of celebs turned out for the Super Bowl in Miami. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were there (and were spotted "kissing, hugging and laughing," so if you were worried that they'd broken up, you can rest easy). Also on hand was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (who were chased by photographers), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, and John Travolta, who couldn't even be bothered to stay for the entire game. [DM, The Sun, Popeater]

• Is the cast of Jersey Shore getting a little overexposed? Just a little! MTV is now looking to clamp down on their efforts to "pimp themselves" at bars and colleges around the country and has informed them that they're each limited to two appearances a week and need permission from the network before accepting any gigs. [P6, NYDN]

• In other Jersey Shore news, Jenni "JWoww" Farley is planning to "enhance" her ginormous fake boobs "as soon as possible to be ready for the new season," you'll be pleased to hear. [P6]

The moment all of you (with Hunky Alaskan Man-Game Fetishes) have been waiting for is here: Levi Johnston's Playgirl Cover. Remember where you are right now, so you can tell your kids, or something. Here, I've made it pretty.

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie splitting up? That's what Britain's News of the World reported over the weekend, suggesting the (unmarried) couple has been meeting with their lawyers in LA to divide up their assets. Whether any of this is true or it's just another rumor is unclear. According to a source that spoke with People, "everything is fine" between Jolie and Pitt, and the story of them splitting is "totally false." [NYDN, NYP, TMZ, People]
• The cast of MTV's most popular new show may not be back for another season. The kids from Jersey Shore reportedly turned down an offer which would have paid them each $5,000 per episode. MTV has since doubled its offer and informed them they'll replace the cast if they don't accept. In related news, the cast sparked a "near-riot" on Friday night when fans descended on a club in Montclair, New Jersey, to catch them in person. [TMZ, Us, NYDN]
• Diddy held a 1,000-person birthday party for his son, Justin, on Saturday night. The highlight of the evening—which was taped for an episode of MTV's Super Sweet Sixteen—was when Diddy gave his son what every 16-year-old needs: a $360,000 silver Maybach and a driver to go with it. [P6, NYDN]

Andy Dick: Something about his penis getting in trouble. Rihanna's about to break her man's umbrella off. Helen Mirren has a lesson for your children about getting drunk and stupid. Megan Fox's freaky thumbs! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Because Sarah and Bristol Palin are sharing their mass delusion about abstinence on Oprah, Levi couldn't let this opportunity go to waste to get in front of the camera himself. He's on The Insider tonight, and he's talkin' trash.

Bristol and mommy Sarah are right now on Oprah feeding America's women some bullshit line about abstinence. Oprah voices her concern that women making an annoucement about waiting for marriage are "setting themselves up." Wait until you hear Bristol's answer.

Bristol Palin, whose mom has a best-selling book for which she was paid a $5 million advance and who is now a paid contributor to Fox News, is going after her unemployed ex-boyfriend for the cash he made posing naked.