• Conan O'Brien's final Tonight Show airs tonight. Then he'll head off to count the enormous pile of cash that NBC just gave him while he waits until September 1, which is when he'll first be permitted to host another talk show as part of the deal he signed with the network. As for NBC, it will air reruns of The Tonight Show until the Olympics start, with Jay Leno officially returning to his (very tarnished) throne on March 1. [TMZ, THR, WSJ]
• It looks like things are going from bad to worse for Mischa Barton. Her landlord has filed a lawsuit against her for failing to pay three months of rent on her $7,000-a-month Tribeca apartment before moving out of the place late last year. [NYDN, P6]
• Lady Gaga looked pretty banged up when she appeared outside her "Monster Ball" show last night to sign autographs. She she had bizarre cuts and bruises all over her arms and legs. And those mustard-colored extensions she's been wearing as of late aren't helping matters. [The Sun, 3am]

Michael Douglas unlocks the nuclear secret of how he keeps up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Kim Kardashian gets punched in the face. Julianne Moore and Annette Bening make out. Everyone tries to cast the Game Change movie. TGIFriday gossip.

Today, New York Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams (of all people) had a very important question to ask about Levi Johnston: "What happened?" We haven't heard from him in months. Where did he go? Is this exile or punishment?

Pictures may only be worth a thousand words, but they can certainly sear an image onto your brain for all eternity. Here are the pictures that defined 2009 on Gawker.

• You know that New York's crime rate is at an all-time low (or it's just a really slow news week) when NYPD commissioner Ray Kelly injects himself into any investigation involving Jon Gosselin that doesn't include the reality TV trainwreck's murder. Kelly says the NYPD has yet to determine whether someone really ransacked Jon Gosselin's Upper West Side apartment last weekend, or if it was just a big publicity stunt carried out by Gosselin and/or girlfriend Hailey Glassman. But the investigation continues, he says, so rest assured a few more of your tax dollars will be spent getting to the bottom of things. [NYDN]
• The call that Charlie Sheen's wife, Brooke Mueller, made to 911 on Christmas Day has been released. According to a one report, the couple's argument—in which Sheen allegedly pulled out a knife and said he'd kill her, thus landing him in the clink—was all over a Christmas present. [People, Us, E!]
• You knew Michael Lohan wasn't the world's best father or ex-husband. But he sounds like a pretty horrific fiancé, too. In newly filed court documents, Michael Lohan's ex, Erin Muller, says Lindsay Lohan's dad repeatedly abused her during their relationship, once beat her up for having a male friend on Facebook, and even kicked her "in the vagina" on one occasion. [TMZ]

On October 30th, Levi Johnston predicted to the Guardian that he and Bristol Palin would be "going to court" over custody of their son, Tripp. Prophetic! Less than a week later, Bristol secretly sued him for full custody of Tripp.

• Lindsay Lohan landed in India yesterday where she's taking part in a BBC documentary on child sex trafficking. And she's already making a difference! Just hours after landing, she hopped on Twitter to proclaim that "over 40 children" have been "saved so far." What she did to save these kids isn't clear (especially when she could use some saving herself), but why quibble over details? [Us]
• In other (and more dubious) LiLo news, the Daily News reports that Lohan has a new man: "Lindsay Lohan is covering all her bases before she ships off to India—and that includes kissing several boys goodbye." Given she's already left the country, you may want to ignore what follows from there, but the guy she's supposedly seeing is Adam Senn, the model and bad boy from first season of The City, who met LiLo during Fashion Week and is someone Senn is hoping to "get to know even better." [NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel broken up? Who knows, but he was supposedly seen flirting with a bunch of women the other night. [P6]
• Today in Tiger: The number of women Woods has been cheating with hit 13 yesterday afternoon, just as racy text messages that Tiger sent Jaimee Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel surfaced. In other Tiger mistress news, a video featuring porn star Holly Sampson bragging about having sex with Tiger Woods also turned up yesterday. And Uchitel is supposedly planning to get tested for STDs now that she's found out how many women Tiger has been hooking up with.

Page Six report, via Popeater, that Playgirl may have made a loss on the not-quite-naked Levi Johnston photoshoot .

The man who lent Levi his hockey gear for the big day is selling off the pads, pants, gloves and — so you can make jokes — the stick and helmet on eBay.

The Canadian edition of the free newspaper printed this picture of college kids frolicking in a hot tub. What they didn't notice is this guy's wang is totally hanging out. Your work will not be safe after the jump.

We're surprised it's taken this long, but gay porn studio Jet Set Productions is filming Getting Levi's Johnson this weekend. The biggest difference between this and Levi's Playgirl shoot? Well, there will actually be wang.

• Are Jude Law and Sienna Miller back together? That's what it looked like when the duo were seen cavorting at The Box last Thursday, but reps for the two are denying it. [NYDN]
• Either Jay-Z is a really thoughtful husband or Beyoncé is a bit of a control freak, but Jay refused to take photos with the models at the Victoria's Secret fashion show last week supposedly "out of respect" for his wife. [P6]
• Heidi Klum has officially taken Seal's last name and is now Heidi Samuel. Please update your address books, thanks. [People]
• The American Music Awards took place last night. Some highlights: Taylor Swift won three awards; Michael Jackson won four posthumous prizes; Lady Gaga set a piano on fire; Adam Lambert's S&M-themed closing act involved getting a mock blowjob and kissing a male band member; and Jennifer Lopez fell down on her most famous asset, but she managed to pick herself up and carry on as if nothing had happened. [People, MSNBC, TMZ]

Here's your first peek at the Levi Johnston photo spread that just went up on Playgirl.com [NSFW]. There's 20 photos in all and, as we said none show the whole package, so to speak. One more picture inside.

Mitch Winehouse offers charming new details about his daughter's breasts; Adam Lambert fires back at Out magazine's editor; Miley Cyrus literally dresses like a whore. Friday's gossip is losing its sense of irony, but makes up for it with cleavage.

• Down-and-out former pageant queen Carrie Prejean must be getting really desperate: She's turning to Donald Trump for career advice. Trump suggested she "become a major porn star," make tons of cash and then "give it to worthy causes." Clearly, it's this type of forward thinking that has made Trump the business titan he is. [P6]
• Nic Cage's lawyer now says the countersuit by the actor's former business manager—Samuel Levin claims he warned Cage about his "compulsive, self-destructive spending" years ago—is "ridiculous." As for Cage himself, he's in Somalia right now facing down evil pirates since he's under the impression that his life is one big action movie, but says he'll sort everything out once he gets back to the States. [P6]
• Lou Dobbs is taking a vacation now that he's no longer with CNN. Mexico is not on his travel itinerary, in case you were wondering. [NYP]
• Larry King's 10-year-old son is the luckiest boy in all of Los Angeles today: He's been signed to host his own cable TV show. Ain't nepotism grand? [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's dad says his daughter's new breast implants are leaking, which is why she's been in the hospital recently. But presumably that's to be expected if you poke yourself with needles all day, no? [Sun]

Levi Johnston and his 'handler' Tank Jones personally snubbed Page Six boss Richard Johnson at the Fleshbot awards. The next day an unflattering item ran in the column. Today, it gets worse for the young Alaskan.

• Nic Cage has been having some money troubles as of late and he recently sued his business manager for allegedly mishandling his finances. Now the manager is striking back. He's filed a countersuit against Cage and claims the actor is an out-of-control spender who, in just the last few years, has picked 15 different homes around the world, 22 cars (including 9 Rolls-Royces), four yachts, a jet, and a Caribbean island. Oh, and Cage also blew a fortune by constantly hosting "Gatsby-style parties at his residences." [WSJ]
• Paris Hilton's plan to remake her image and position herself as more "mature" isn't off to a very good start. The cops had to be called to her house in LA last night after she and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt had a nasty fight. [TMZ]
• Wannabe reality TV star Tinsley Mortimer and "wannabe socialite" Devorah Rose got into "a fight" the other night. Fortunately, two cameras were rolling the entire time, so you'll get to see it yourself in about 6 months. [P6]
• The co-owner of Table 8 at the Cooper Square Hotel is under suspicion for secretly giving his girlfriend a drug to force her to have an abortion and may soon be charged with killing the couple's unborn child. Grim. [NYDN]
• Charlie Gibson claims he has "tremendous respect" for his ABC colleague Diane Sawyer, but he supposedly "badmouths her openly and often" behind the scenes. An ABC spokeswoman called the claims "bullsh*t," while a less excitable Gibson said it was all "just silly." [P6]

We can't see much, but this teaser that just went up on Playgirl.com [NSFW], shows that he's in the shower. Since he's not getting naked, does that mean he's wearing wet undies? Also, black and white doesn't always equal arty.

• The feud between Al Roker and America's most despicable couple continues. After the Today show canceled an interview with Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Spencer took to Twitter to air his rage: "I thought you were out of town getting your stomache [sic] staped [sic] again... Do you always look like your [sic] about to die?" One thing that's clear here: Spencer should have paid more attention in English class. [Us]
• Brat Packer Anthony Michael Hall—who is about to kick off a guest stint on NBC's Community—has been ordered to stay away from his ex, Diana Falzone, a "relationship expert" who writes for the Huffington Post and hosts a show on Sirius. Falzone was granted a restraining order after Hall allegedly broke down her door last week and "bashed her head against a wall." [P6]
• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden secured a restraining order against two paparazzi who Richie says have been harassing her. Is it just us, or are restraining orders becoming all the rage? [TMZ]
• MTV has premiered Beyoncé's new video for "Video Phone" featuring a special guest appearance by Lady Gaga. In a surprising twist, it's Lady Gaga who looks fairly normal and Beyoncé who looks a little freaky. [MTV, NYP]

Beyonce and Lady Gaga leak a clip from their forthcoming music video; Levi Johnston disguises himself as the Unabomber; at least one member of Congress thinks Carrie Prejean should run for office. Welcome to Tuesday's gossip.