Lohan's day of surrender is nigh, and she has no lawyer and is tweeting sad little "eeeks." Oksana Grigorieva walked away from $15 million. Enrique Iglesias photographs his junks. Tuesday gossip is full of foreboding.

Are we ready to declare this rumor real, yet? Bristol and Levi's reality show was but a glimmer in the rumor mill's eye when we wrote about it. Now Page Six has confirmation—from TV executives rejecting the show.

Paris Hilton gets busted for pot in Corisca. US Weekly paid a lot of money for their Bristol/Levi exclusive. Lindsay Lohan: Going to jail. Wesley Snipes: Also going to jail. Saturday's Gossip Roundup is filled with crime and punishment.

Pamela Anderson fights for her right to be objectified. Bristol Palin refuses to look at Levi's Playgirl spread. Which iPhone app did Oksana Grigorieva use to record Mel Gibson's terrifying rants? Lady Gaga house-hunts in the Hamptons. TGIFriday gossip.

When he marries Bristol Palin next month, Levi Johnston will enter the most awkward family dynamic ever. Let us count the reasons Sarah Palin has to hate her son-in-law, with an exhaustive collection of Levi Johnston's cruelest quotes about Sarah.

Levi Johnston's sister Mercede has taken to her Facebook wall and family-feuding blog to rail against Levi and Bristol's engagement—which Levi still hasn't talked to his family about. Today on The Wasilla Hillbillies: the gloves come off.

When I heard about the Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston engagement, I wondered, "What will Kathy Griffin do?!" You know, because Griffin and Johnston were an "It" couple (see the chemistry?). Well, Griffin just released an emotional reaction video. Watch inside.

Newly re-engaged couple Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have already registered with Wal-Mart for hunting gear, Laz-E-Boys, and hockey jerseys for their impending nuptials! Okay, it's fake, but it sure is funny. [via, photo via AP]

Around the time he proposed to Bristol, Levi Johnston threatened to ostracize sister Mercede if she didn't take down her blog. Turns out Mercede's blog is controlled by a pair of liberal bloggers Sarah Palin considers her worst enemies.

Last week, a rumor made the rounds in the Alaskan blogosphere: Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston were getting back together. They would announce their engagement, then they would wait a couple weeks—and then announce a reality show.

To celebrate, the starcrossed lovers of Wasilla are dressed like Jehovah's Witness proselytizers on the cover of Us. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem got married in secret. Are Rihanna and Chris reuniting? Wednesday gossip has wedding fever.

Levi Johnston's campaign to get back into the Palins' good graces has taken a surprising turn: Following little sister Mercede's claim that Bristol Palin's pregnancy "was NOT an accident!" Levi apparently threatened to disown Mercede if she didn't shut up.

Our favorite non-pecker-showing Alaskan babydaddy Levi Johnston tells People that some of his claims about the Palin family last year were lies. "I publicly said things about the Palins that were not completely true," he says. What are those things?

Today at Gawker.TV, Levi Johnston and Kathy Griffin go on an ice-fishing date, Whoopi Goldberg thinks King Tut's penis was small, other ships react to Captain Phil Harris' death, and the premiere of Louis CK's Louie seems quite promising.

Talk about strange love. As if Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston's friendship hasn't gotten bizarre enough for you yet, here they are having a romantic time ice fishing in Alaska.

The Alaskan town of Wasilla is home to some pretty amazing people, like Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston. And now the town's Alaska Distillery is rolling out a new Smoked Salmon Flavored Vodka. The first batches were described as "greasy."

Levi Johnston has successfully marketed his "brand" after impregnating Bristol Palin. But what of his sister, Mercede, who impregnated no one? When will somebody pay her for being tangentially news-related? Soon, probably, now that she has a funny blog.

We were skeptical at first, but now Bristol Palin told Good Morning America "Levi and I are turning a new page here as co-parents...and putting aside the past." That's not an admission they're shacking up again, but it sounds close!

Our favorite almost-nude-posing babydaddy Levi Johnston and our least favorite teenage mom turned abstinence advocate Bristol Palin are supposedly a couple again. We're a little dubious, mostly because we want so much more for our beloved Levi. [Us, photo]

Wintour goes nuclear on the dancefloor. Halle Berry calls her soon-to-be ex a "loser." Charlie Sheen hands over custody. Ke$ha ruins a bat mitzvah. Tiger Woods' butt sweats. Wednesday's gossip roundup likes to party.