Khloé Kardashian is reportedly filing for divorce from Lamar Odom today (four years, not bad!), but who cares about that: Her stepdad is getting his Adam's Apple surgically shaved off.

Question: Why won't Kanye West let himself be great? Answer: Kim Kardashian.

The Kardashian Klan was no doubt hoping to keep all the footage from Kanye and Kim's "Proposal in the AT&T Park" under wraps until such time as they could profit from it, but thanks to the co-founder of YouTube of all people, the crux of the ceremony is now online.

Excitable man Kanye West is engaged to wed popular divorcée Kim Kardashian, after presenting her with a 15-carat diamond ring at AT&T Park in San Francisco via Jumbotron in front of family, friends, and a private 50-person orchestra playing Kim's favorite Lana Del Rey song ("Young and Beautiful") as is the style of the day.

It turns out Kanye West and Kim Kardashian don't actually mind living their private lives in public, so long as they're the ones invading our personal space.

Last month, Kanye West reamed out Jimmy Kimmel on Twitter, bellowing, among other things, "YOU DON'T HAVE SCUM BAGS [sic] HOPPING OVER FENCES TRYING TO TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR DAUGHTER." Today, one of those snap-happy scumbags has been identified: West's lovely girlfriend, Kim Kardashian.

As shown on Kanye's ridiculous, sedated, everyone's-throwing-their-heads-back-and-laughing appearance on Kris Kardashian's talk show, Kris.

Kim Kardashian, who emerged from the womb of seclusion this for the first time after renting her own womb out to a demigod and future rich kid of Instagram, is mad at Katie Couric. She just Instagrammed this shot of Couric's baby gift to Kardashian and everyone's favorite god:

If you thought Kris Jenner wouldn't stoop to using baby North West as a prop to promote her new talk show, you must have just been born. Happy Birthday! It's all downhill from here.

On Tuesday, Kim Kardashian, Mother of the Great Unknowable North, got a handful of random babies wasted off the exotic elixir of fame when she allegedly sent their pictures out to a half-dozen friends, and said they were photos of her kid.

Oh, not you. Your baby's name is great! But you know who I'm talking about. (You.) (Just kidding.) (Wow, that person picked a stupid baby name.)

Bad news for all the Kaidence Donda West fake Twitter accounts: According to TMZ, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their daughter...North West. Really.

MediaTakeOut claims that a nurse at Cedars Sinai Hospital has revealed the name of the Khrist Child: Kaidence Donda West. She already has tons of fake Twitter pages. Welcome to the world, Kaidence.

It's time! It's time! The world will never be the same, because Kim Kardashian just had a baby.

The Daily Mail is reporting that Kim Kardashian checked into a birthing suite at Cedars-Sinai this morning in preparation for baby girl Kimye's big debut. Kris Jenner is expected to have endorsement contracts drawn up as soon as a name is chosen.

A French-Canadian model has come forward to claim that Kanye West cheated on girlfriend Kim Kardashian with her on at least two occasions — once while Kim K was already pregnant.

Contemporary sculptor Daniel Edwards, whom you may recall from such works of art as nude Britney Speaks giving birth on a bearskin rug and nude Paris Hilton being prepped for an autopsy, is back to manufacturing controversy with his latest masterpiece — nude Kim Kardashian showing off her pregnant belly and "lactiferous breasts."

For months, people have been speculating about just what kind of tiny beast was growing inside of Kim Kardashian's stomach. A boy? A girl? An accordion? Negative space? Turns out it's a girl.

Kanye West walked into a pole in Beverly Hills this afternoon and TMZ captured the moment on video, sort of (their cameraman had already rounded a corner by the time forehead-on-pole contact occurred, though he did rush over to film Kanye and girlfriend Kim Kardashian nursing the wound). This moment represents a low point for all of us: the cameraman for failing to capture the moment of collision, then running back excitedly after it had passed; Kim Kardashian for waking up this morning and dressing herself like a pregnant Morticia Addams; all of us, who came here because we thought it might be funny to see Kanye West run into a pole (final verdict: not as funny as I thought it would be, though it's hard to say how funny it might have been in the hands of a skilled videographer); Kanye West for running into a pole.

Judging by Internet jokes alone, Kim Kardashian's floral evening gown definitely stole the show at Monday night's Met Gala.