Kanye West's "Bound 2" Video Is Cold Garbage

[There was a video here]

Question: Why won't Kanye West let himself be great? Answer: Kim Kardashian.

Today, West released the third video from his Yeezus album (which has gone from overrated to underrated in the five months since its release) via an appearance on Ellen (LOL). "Bound 2" features West against cloying footage of landscapes, replete with shooting stars and running horses. He rides a motorcycle as images of his fiancee Kim Kardashian attempting to make love to the camera flash on screen. Then she joins him naked on the motorcycle as they both attempt to fool us into thinking they're making love to each other. It has all the class of one of those karaoke videos you'd pay $10 to make at a Six Flags park or on a boardwalk in the late '80s. It appears to be wholly unknowing regarding its own cheesiness.

Nice trying getting Kim a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, as you seem to care so much about, Kanye. This wouldn't make it to the simulation room of a driver's ed class.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate the person you love, but there is something aggravating at stoking all this attention with the fame-for-fame's-sake celebrity you have settled down with, and then doing these huge publicity stunts while at the same time complaining about the paparazzi's scrutiny. It's more annoying than Kanye's usual doublespeak (which his mother, Donda, explained away at the beginning of his career by invoking Whitman and saying that her son contains multitudes).

Kanye has the ability to be insightful, hilarious, and unmissible despite himself. This atrocity of a music video is even worse than "Black Skinhead," because it is the one thing Kanye West rarely is and never should be: boring. "Bound 2" is, simply, off brand. His rhapsody to Kim that he spun during his interview with Ellen DeGeneres delivers a clearer message and is entirely more convincing than the publicity stoking of "Bound 2":

She's an important person that when I was at my lowest moments I could get on the phone with her and she would make me feel like I was here for a reason and I had something to say, and just support me through that. And also, it's incredible to have a woman like that that you know is not using you for money. I just have to word it like that because when you become a multi-millionaire, there's a certain type of woman out there that they go for that and they'll put on the whole act and everything, but to have someone who has their own shit...and her personality is so calming, and I don't know if that's the way people would describe my personality, so...