The authorities tried to help kids drink responsibly by putting the exact alcohol content right there on the bottle, but—to their dismay—kids just use this valuable information to get more fucked up:

In typical bureaucratic fashion, The New School has convened a committee to issue a formal report on the student takeover last month. Not addressed: Is this cop a huge dick, or what? [City Room]

Nobody could blame Oprah for one sex scandal at that save-the-youth school she opened in South Africa, but now that there's another sex scandal there, we must ask, "Does Oprah love sex, and scandals???"

Have Internet snarksters found the recipe that will save Tribune Co. from bankruptcy —photos of high-school volleyball players wrestling each other in chocolate syrup? (Photo by Joe Cavaretta/South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

High school kids' top "Dream schools": Stanford, Harvard, and Columbia. Frat Party Aspirations Fail.

In protest of "the ways in which conversations about institutional racism and white privilege have been mishandled and silenced within the [University of Minnesota Dance] department," anonymous activists have be-papered the department headquarters, provocatively:

America faces many problems today, but none is as pressing as the epidemic of our children smokin' Smarties. Yes, the media are scaremongering. But are they scaremongering enough?

"Dear Mr. Charney," begins the most misguided letter ever from a third grader to someone she looks up to. What are they teaching in the schools now, porno sex for the kids?

As long as college kids remain edgy, there will be college sex magazines. And as long as there are a few olds with no sense of mockery, they will be scandalized by them. Still!

Back in the sixties, college kids read books—books about revolution and sex and drugs. Today, college kids read Harry Potter books and whine about cops touching their Macbooks. Who's responsible? Tucker Max.

The Republican National Committee is hiring—via YouTube! Scores of patriotic young Republicans have uploaded video job applications. Below, marvel at five of the most promising future American leaders. Al Quaeda suxxx!

Today, there's another video of a college kid wailing while being arrested. We never thought it would come to this, but we're officially sympathizing with cops. Let's review the concept of "Police brutality," kids:

It's Thursday—the day when the New York Times Style section constructs tenuous trend stories designed to infuriate us about largely illusory issues! Woo hoo! Today's trend: crazy parents turn their kids into health food zombies!

The final, farcical moments of the failed Revolutionary NYU Food Court Occupation were caught on film by one of the protesters. And then shown to the world, despite being—by any standard—incredibly embarrassing.

"For me to have an iPhone in one hand and a pipe in the other is not unusual," says a 20-something at the vanguard of the crazy new trend, (reaching in grab bag)...kids with pipes!

The Bravo network is planning a real live realistic reality show about private school kids in Manhattan. It's Gossip Girl for those who prefer reality television! Because people love despising rich kids.

This Canadian tween totally calls out 50 Cent for "whoring" himself with all his endorsement deals, and not keeping it real. His action figures and 'stache say: listen up, Fif.

One way to become the opposite of a respected White House correspondent is to hit up the president for an autograph, then get yanked away by the Secret Service. But uh...a kid made him do it!

Hey, remember that college journalist who got in trouble last year for his bold, two-word editorial, "Fuck Bush?" Well that kid just got an honest-to-god scoop about a heinously corrupt (college) cop. Cussing indicates greatness!

"For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment." So begins another god damn op-ed about wet, wild youngster sex.