Kate Middleton either farted loudly in her seat at Wimbledon, or just saw an image of herself talking to her dead mother-in-law on the cover of Newsweek. Outside the frame of this picture, Prince William is using the magazine like a fan. [Images via Pacific Coast News]

Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig tie the knot. Crystal Harris tries to sell her ring. Jennifer Aniston gets a tattoo. Sunday gossip is wearing a slip to a party.

Natalie Portman had a son last night, officially making her the world's hottest mother. Also today: A scary plot to murder the singer Joss Stone, Nicolas Cage owes us a house, and lots of royal couple news.

Bret Lockett's story gets weirder and weirder. Kim Kardashian's wedding photos are worth $1 million. Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel are getting close. Sunday gossip is checking in to sexting rehab.

Did Mary-Kate hook up with Kanye on his birthday? Does Jennifer Lopez bathe in the black magic blood of Santeria chickens? Does Kim Kardashian need a decoy engagement ring? Did LeAnn Rimes make a sex tape? Friday gossip has questions.

After making a big stink about not hiring any servants, Prince William and Kate Cambridge (is that her name now?) have posted an ad looking for a housekeeper and a dresser. No, that means someone to dress them, not a piece of furniture. Looks like Kate is going to enjoy the leisurely palace life after all.

The dead horse beaters of the British Royal Family decided to put the dress Kate Middleton wore for her wedding to Prince William on display. It will be on view to the public at Buckingham Palace this summer starting July 23. You, too, can see the Alexander McQueen gown, tiara, shows, and jewelry the newly-minted Duchess of Cambridge wore for the $29 entrance fee. It's a good thing they put up this exhibit, because no one has seen the dress and there are so few pictures taken of it.

Prince William wears comically large hats. Arnold Schwarzenegger disappoints even more people. Angelina Jolie has some ideas about schooling. Sunday gossip is off to the races.

Suri Cruise suffers for fashion. Lindsay Lohan shills electronic cigarettes. Angelina Jolie gets horny while talking about Brad Pitt. Tuesday gossip creates heel-shaped holes in the sand.

The Obamas hung out with the Windsors today. Buckingham Palace's wind dynamics raised an important question: If the First Lady of the United States of America had a Marilyn Monroe moment, would journalists photograph it? Or would they turn their lenses away out of respect and/or shame? Or would the Secret Service swoop in and destroy their cameras one by one, like so many Hollywood bodyguards?

It seems that America's sweetheart might not be recording an album after all. Also today: Zach Galifianakis starts shit with January Jones, Wills and Kate swim with sharks, and Leo DiCaprio and Justin Timberlake know all the best ladies.

Arnold's son discovers the truth. Maria looks for a bachelorette pad. William and Kate get home okay. And Pink gets on a high horse about horses. Saturday gossip is rapture-ready.

Lars von Trier is "doing [his] best" to satiate his leading lady's appetite for porn. Woody Allen says he wants to fuck all of his leading ladies. Zsa Zsa Gabor falls into a coma. Janice Dickinson loses her teeth. Thursday gossip takes a Nazi pervert at his word.

Remember when the Prince of England married that party supply heiress and the whole world was watching? Well after that Wills and Kate disappeared to go honeymooning in the Seychelles, and now there are some glamorous deets about the trip.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge left for their honeymoon today, according to a statement from Clarence House, which added, "The couple have asked that their privacy be respected during their honeymoon."

Our slutty sister site Fleshbot published some shirtless (and pantless!) photos of Kate Middleton's sexy younger brother, James, earlier this week. Then they got some emails from a lawyer demanding Fleshbot take the images down. But it wasn't a real lawyer, it turns out. It seems it was James pretending to be a lawyer.

Kate Middleton's sister usurps Prince Harry as "royal sibling most likely to dance on a banquette." Jesse James hints that Sandra Bullock wasn't that great in bed. Marie Osmond remarries her ex-husband. Thursday gossip knows how to party.

Jennifer Aniston's key grip ex-boyfriend confesses he was too vanilla for her. Katy Perry's Jesus freak parents banned deviled eggs. Charlie Sheen interviews now cost $1 million. Wednesday gossip is out of touch.

Are you ready for round two of Royal Wedding Pandemonium: The Honeymoon? The Daily Mail breathlessly reports (read: likely fabricated) that it knows where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will spend their honeymoon, while even Kate herself doesn't know. Hint: It's an island in the Seychelles!

Prince Harry censors his "risque anecdotes." Emma Roberts is pursued by two men at the same party. Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are, metaphorically, sittin' in a tree. Gossipmongers of the world, unite: It's May Day gossip.