Who was the little girl holding her ears on the balcony? Where are Kate and Will going on their honeymoon? And why can't Angelina "Trashbags" Pivarnick be as happy as those two? Saturday gossip is wearing lace sleeves.
Many of you got up very early this morning to watch the Royal Wedding, but there were two young men, Dustin and Jayden, who were still up from a wild Thursday night on the town. Here is what Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals had to say about the proceedings.
In case you didn't wake up early in the morning to watch, or can't be bothered to watch the reruns, here's a quick video of the royal ceremony. Look at how happy and enthusiastic everyone seems! Well, they're probably smiling on the inside.
The greatest day in all of British history is here! Prince William, heir to the throne, is marrying his lady friend Kate Middleton. Here is your very own wedding photo album for you to cherish in all the lonely years to come.
Top of the morning to you! Or whatever English people say. Gawker's official monarchy correspondent Richard Lawson is here, before the crack of dawn, bringing you live coverage of Prince William and Kate Middleton's lavish wedding. Come celebrate with us!
Alex Pettyfer's crotch tattoo says thank you, "in case I forget to say it." Blake Lively is a literal trainwreck. A Jersey Shore star is pregnant. Mariska Hargitay sues her talent agency. Thursday gossip is cocky.
It's got to be a difficult time to be named Kate Middleton, what with the constant royal wedding jokes and people talking to you in fake British accents and stuff. Worse still, Facebook keeps deleting accounts of women who share the name of the Most Important Bride of All Time.
JWOWW's ex says she attacked him with a steak knife and a fireplace poker. Beyonce wears stilettos at a Disney theme park. LeAnn Rimes is happy with her homewrecker marriage. Charlie Sheen gives to charity. It's time for TGIFriday gossip.
God save the bizarre coincidence (conflict of interest?)! The Daily reports today that Alice St. Clair, who will play Kate Middleton in the Hallmark Channel's William and Kate: A Royal Love Story (not to be confused with William & Kate: Let Love Rule on Lifetime), is the daughter of Peter Loughborough, who happens to be the head of the Royalty and Diplomatic Protection Group, a department of Scotland Yard that's responsible for securing, among other things, all the royals during the wedding. Awkward! [Photo of St. Clair via Carly Otness/Billy Farrell Agency; photo of Middleton via Getty Images]
Evan Rachel Wood wants you to know that she sometimes dates women. Lindsay Lohan uses Good Friday to get out of court. Lea Michele pulls a bitch move at Coachella. Nic Cage goes back to work. Tuesday gossip is single and ready to mingle.
Matthew Morrison flees his rat-infested home. Nicolas Cage's binge-drinking weekend melee gets weirder. David Hasselhoff is "in like" with a woman half his age. Halle Berry's custody battle forces her to quit a play. Monday gossip is filthy.
Royal Wedding hysteria has already reached a fever pitch, and now this happens: A mango jelly bean was found with Kate Middleton's face on it in Britain! Kate now sits atop the supernatural world with Mary and Jesus, whose likenesses have miraculously appeared on pieces of toast and grilled cheese sandwiches over the years. The lucky man who unknowingly bought the magical jelly bean for his girlfriend spoke to the Telegraph:
Hayden Panettiere invites us to imagine what she looks like during sex. Lady Gaga is against plastic surgery. A boy bander gets a new gig as a Chippendale. Joe Jonas collaborates with Chris Brown. Wednesday gossip can't be unseen.
Kristen Stewart eats birthday cake in the vicinity of Edward and Jacob. Charlie Sheen is a serial pet killer. Tori Spelling is pregnant again. Ashley Tisdale shows her boobs, and so does Christina Hendricks. Tuesday gossip eats cake.
