Lindsay's 17-year-old sister has seen her "boobs, ass, and vag." Kim Kardashian's reality show literally tried to cast her husband. Jason Sudeikis is dating an Olsen, but which one? Thursday gossip is sisterly.

Tareq blames everything on Journey, then nuzzles a whoremonger and poses sexily in bed. Naomi Campbell blames her bad personality on abandonment issues. Kate Middleton spends four hours doing her hair. A male TV actor comes out of the closet. Tuesday gossip stopped believin' years ago.

J.Lo parties until 3:30AM, and looks like she might be straining herself. LuAnn de Lesseps dances on a table. Who stole David Copperfield's precious magician award? Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger need three larger-than-life bronze statues of himself? Monday gossip goes too far.

Kate Middleton, now the Duchess of Cambridge since she up and married Prince William, is pretty and poised and seems to the manor born. Well, to us commoners at least. To the royal family she still needs work, so she's taking royalty lessons.

All three Kardashians blow off Kris Humphries' plus-size model sister. Mila Kunis gets hacked. A naked man with a Fudgesicle broke into Nicolas Cage's house. Padma Lakshmi bombs at an open mic night. Thursday gossip turns up its nose.

Simon Cowell fondly recalls a successful date with "wacko" Denise Richards. Did Lady Gaga hook up with a tween idol? Madonna defends her right to hate hydrangeas. What did Ali Lohan do to her face? Thursday gossip has questions.

Ralph Lauren's son and George W. Bush's niece get married. Jane Fonda regrets not sleeping with Che Guevara. Beyonce and Charlie Sheen celebrate their birthdays. Monday gossip found a $20,000 watch—maybe it'll get to meet Chris Brown?

An inebriated Ashlee begs Pete to take her back. Mariah Carey's kids have diamond-encrusted diaper pins. Minka and Jeter break up. Emma Watson moves in with a lover, and so does Pippa Middleton, and so does Alec Baldwin. Friday gossip splits the rent.

George Clooney's rumored rebound fling could fling him across the room. Carey Mulligan gets engaged. Kim Kardashian emulates Kate Middleton. Hugh Hefner planks. Demi Lovato credits her success to Barney the dinosaur. Thursday gossip dominates.

Prince William and Kate Middleton rub shoulders with normals. Katie Holmes barks like a dog. Samantha Ronson's mugshot is everything you hoped for. Paris Hilton and Brittny Gastineau have a party-off. Wednesday gossip keeps its toiletries in 3-oz. containers.

Ronson fails a breathalyzer before breakfast. Lindsay parties all night with Paris. Vanessa Minnillo calls Jessica Simpson an "elephant." J.Lo's gives her first post-divorce interview, then gets naked. Tuesday gossip starts early or ends late, depending.

Lindsay Lohan pleads poverty in Louboutin heels. Arnold and Maria fight over child support. Jason Bateman gets upstaged by a puppy. Charlie Sheen likes sex twice a day, but his ex-girlfriend insisted on 19 lays per day. TGIFriday gossip.

J. Lo shoves Mary-Louise Parker to grab the attention of royals. Jon Hamm gets "absolutely blind drunk." Kristen Stewart gets in a car accident. Elin Nordegren lands a billionaire. TGIFriday gossip.

Halle Berry was trapped in her house by a stalker. William and Kate have left the country. Anthony Weiner flew to Miami to reconcile with his wife. Gwyneth Paltrow went on vacation to rub her bikini body in your face. Monday's gossip doesn't know if it's coming or going.

Rihanna's concert in Dallas burst into flames! David Letterman's set was broken in to by a vandal! Some women didn't recognize Kellan Lutz! The Royals met Jack Black! Sunday gossip is filled with stories of doom and disaster!

Will and Kate are exploring Los Angeles. Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart are adding another person to their threesome. Octomom gets in a fight with Wilma Flintstone. Saturday gossip is bringing all of its kids on the plane!

Here's an 800-word story about how the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge offended all of Canada:

Prince William and Princess Kate touched down in Calgary, Canada to attend a rodeo on Thursday. That's when royal watchers waiting to greet the couple at the airport were treated to an unexpected surprise as a gust of wind lifted up the back of Middleton's dress, exposing her underwear. Is this the most sordid scandal to rock Wills and Kate since the couple tied the knot two months ago? It just might be! [Images via Bauer-Griffin, click photo to expand]

Wills and Kate visit Canada, only to be shouted at. Paris Hilton and the director of The Hangover remind us why we never, ever want to go to an L.A. nightclub. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber play patty-cake. This is what the Founding Fathers fought for: Monday gossip.

Lindsay Lohan is free at last, and returning to old habits. Prince Harry woos a lingerie model. Denise Richards adopts a baby girl. Justin and Selena say "I love you." Thursday gossip is ba-a-ack.