Julia Roberts will produce and possibly star in an adaptation of the Lolly Winston novel Happiness Sold Separately, about a suburban wife whose husband, forgetting that he's married to Julia Roberts (perhaps things will be complicated by the character's mousy hairstyle, clunky glasses, and dowdy wardrobe), starts banging the nutritionist at his gym. [Variety]
· Comedy Central signs away another part of its soul to the blue-collared comedy devil, ordering a half-hour animated pilot about Larry the Cable Guy's wacky misadventures as the co-owner of a cable TV station. [THR]
· Meanwhile, Nickelodeon tries to counteract corporate sibling Comedy Central's development evil by greenlighting a new animated series starring SNL's Amy Poehler, Mighty B, about an adorably psychotic 10-year-old Honeybee scout. [THR]
Producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Jason Blum buy the film rights to an upcoming Vanity Fair article about the CIA, The Shop; no word on if VF editor Graydon Carter will earn a producing fee for once musing to himself while staring out his office window that the story would make a great movie. [Variety]
Dan Mazer, longtime Sacha Baron Cohen partner-in-crime, is officially inducted into Hollywood's Comedy Mafia by making a deal to write and direct a Judd Apatow-produced, "broad, out-there" comedy for Universal. Bonus soundbite: Mazer marvels that Cohen's dangling of "his testicles in another man's face" has not disqualified him from Oscar consideration. [Variety]

The Hollywood Reporter has released its annual list of Hollywood's highest-earning actresses, many of whom have never once allowed themselves to be photographed without panties exiting a Mercedes SLR on their way into Hyde—an admirable stance that can only have contributed to their enigmatic allure and hefty asking prices. The top 10 as listed by a press release are:

· At the Rome Film Festival, Harrison Ford attempted to prove to the media that he's "fit" enough to play Indiana Jones again by bending over slightly and pointing at the floor, currently the most demanding stunt that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have written for their aging star.
· When life gives Emilio Estevez "put my fucking hot Russian girlfriend who speaks no English into this movie or I'm pulling out my millions and going home," he makes the kind of really wordy "-ade" that would complete this hacky joke construction.
Idolator says goodbye to the freewheelin', wantonly copyright infringin' days of the pre-Googlized YouTube with this emotional montage of the site's greatest hits.
Radar blows the f'ing lid off the celebrity dental imperfection retouching game. You will be shocked and amazed. Warning: close-ups of the inside of Julia Roberts' cavernous maw are included.
Which celebrity cares the most about the environment? Let's have a green-off and find out!
Don't go here if you think that seeing a picture of Tom Cruise tweaking his own nipple will give you nightmares.
· Yup, we know that Keith Urban is in rehab. Call us when it's Nicole Kidman and we'll try to care. (And abandon this completely farcical moral high ground about what dirt isn't worthy of our attention.)

Record companies, TV networks and studios still can't decide if they should view YouTube as a copyright-infringing agent of evil or as an ally that could potentially make them boatloads of money. In the meantime, Google has its army of lawyers ready to fight claims against its shiniest new toy. [Variety]
Roger Daltrey will guest star on an episode of CSI, hoping to live up to the proud stunt-casting tradition of the series established by Kevin Federline's bravura, largely improvised performance. [THR]
Nip/Tuck's Ryan Murphy will adapt and direct the memoir Eat, Pray, Love, about a dissatisfied woman who chucked away her comfortable life to "set off on a journey of self-discovery around the world," as a vehicle for Julia Roberts. Later today, Brad Pitt will read this news, remark, "I'd love for us to do something with Julia one day. Can we make that happen?" then be gently reminded by a Plan B staffer that he's producing the film. [Variety]
The public once again proves that its appetite for watching washed-up celebrities get yanked around by professional dancers is still voracious, as Dancing With the Stars pulls in about 22 million viewers at its Tuesday night peak. [THR]
Leslee Dart's PR firm passes up a second chance to take our helpful suggestion to call their flack collective The Fuck Pat Kingsley Group, instead opting to rename itself 42West, a blander, tragically diplomatic choice. We don't know how many more opportunities Dart can squander before another disgruntled Kingsley staffer comes along and snaps up the name for her own venture. [Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often! Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you spotted local tree-squatter Daryl Hannah roasting cosmic marshmallows by a Burning Man campfire.

• Ellen DeGeneres is in a car crash (not caused by paparazzi, for once), making for excellent online advertising opportunities. [TMZ]
• Lloyd Grove survives Labor Day, reports that Jessica Simpson is even more of a whore than previously believed. The melanin princess collected assloads of swag and a $50K Chrysler convertible — though the latter will be donated to charity, as homegirl doesn't drive domestic. [Lowdown]
• The New York Public Library and fashion don't mix. Specifically, literacy clashes with Anna Wintour's McQueen tartans. [Page Six]
• Showgirls scribe Joe Eszterhas goes out on a limb and calls Val Kilmer an "imbecile" and Michael Douglas "not brilliant." [R&M]
• Julia Roberts' BO would be a standout contribution to the world of celebrity perfumes. [Page Six]

• The National Enquirer finds itself getting sued, yet again — but this time it's not Tom Cruise unleashing the lawyers. It's little Lisa Turtle (aka Lark Voorhies), who is suing for unspecified damages after the rag quoted a source as saying she was bipolar and addicted to cocaine. Honestly, she did look a little tweaked when she and Screech did "the sprain" dance. [TMZ]
• Britney Spears suspects hubby K-Fed may be the source of leaks to the tabloids. He may not be the best husband for her, but Federline sure is loyal to America. [Scoop]
• Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's grandfather, Jon Voight, launches a public campaign to see the new baby. Considering his contact with the press was a major reason behind his estrangement with Angelina Jolie, this strikes one as a not-so-good plan. [Lowdown]
• Three Days of Rain may not have been stellar, but was it really so bad as to kick Julia Roberts down to the new face of Avon? [Page Six]
• Nobody's quite sure whether or not Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant, particularly because she's yet to figure out how to pee on a stick. [R&M]
• Details gives a rundown of the city's most hump-friendly public restrooms; the Plumm, Bungalow 8, and Bar 89 make the list. And yet there's no mention of the bathrooms at the Christopher Street Pier. C'mon, Details. We know you know. [Page Six]

Nominations for The Tony Awards, a.k.a. The Extremely Gay Oscars, were announced today, and the big winner appears to be The Drowsy Chaperone, a show that no one with taste really loves. Which explains why it snagged 13 nods. The Color Purple and The Pajama Game followed with 11 and 9, respectively, while Jersey Boys got 8, making it the most successful jukebox musical of the season (sorry, Johnny Cash piece of crap, nothing for you.) Among the acting nominations, names include Ralph Fiennes, Oliver Platt, Cynthia Nixon, Harry Connick, Jr., and Mark Ruffalo. Notable by her absence is Julia Roberts, which has got to hurt - even Christina Applegate got a nod last year. Guess she'll have to be content with her millions of dollars and that whole being the female cinema icon of her generation thing.

Julia Roberts is reportedly down in the dumps, after her mostly panned Broadway debut (the NY Times likened her to a "lamppost") failed to provide her with an instant legit pedigree. To the rescue comes legendary support-giver-to-the-very-famous Oprah Winfrey, who showed up on the actress' doorstep with Oprah's Best Friend™ Gayle King for an "Up With Julia!" party:

• In an attempt to save face in light of his estranged wife Denise Richards' claims that he's a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem, Charlie Sheen takes to Entertainment Tonight to make his case. Working against him, however, is the fact that only a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem would think a celebrity fluff show is the proper venue to do such a thing. [ET]
• Did Paris Hilton lose her Bentley in a poker game? Doubtful — we imagine she's quite good, actually. That lazy eye must make her impossible to read. [OCN]
• After getting slammed in the reviews of her Broadway debut, Julia Roberts does what any heartbroken women would do: She runs to Oprah. [Gatecrasher]
• Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder preps for his tour by getting wasted and singing Up Where We Belong. [Page Six]
• Bill Clinton steals the show at Ted Kennedy's book party. Obviously. [R&M]
• Recipe for the most random gossip item ever: Take one $900 Hermes blanket, mix with Lindsay Lohan, Brett Ratner, and a bikini-clad Zeta Graff. Serve with unimaginable stupidity. [Page Six]

• The Daily traipses about Plum Sykes' fantabulous book party — all pink! Candles! Plum-tinis! But there's a dark side, we learn: Plum's preggers. [The Daily]
• Detroit catches on to the payola hotness: Former Secretary of LaborRobert Reich claims that a GM PR firm offered him cash to speak well of an employee buyout. [Jalopnik]
• Sucks to be Julia Roberts. For once, anyhow. [The Feed]
• The rumored "lost chapter" to Neil Strauss' pickup bible, The Game. No doubt Nick Sylvester is devouring it right now. [Neil Strauss]
• Name the socialite! [Opinionistas]
• Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein's MySpace is like an orchid in a sea of carnations. [MySpace]
• Big props to Ronn [sic] Torossian — not only has he managed to get himself involved with the 2nd stripper involved in the Duke lacrosse rape case, but he's got her email on display for everyone. She must be thrilled to have someone so brilliant on her team. [Ronn Torossian]
• Blackface Jesus and testicles. That's all you need to know. [I Keep a Diary (NSFW?)]
• And last but by no means ever the least, Tara Reid lets her nipples come out to play. [Egotastic]

Hollywood thought it had a good thing going with Julia Roberts: They gave her more money than any other actress on the planet, she gave them a wall of teeth and a decent opening weekend. But somewhere along the way, we lost her to her to a series of nagging instincts: first, maternal, and now, the "serious artist" that convinced her to star in a Broadway play, which premiered last night. The reviews were not kind. Come back, Julia. There's always a place at the table for you in Oceans Umpteen. A bad review round-up:

Rocco DiSpirito went to the opening of a Broadway show last night — Richard Greenberg's Three Days of Rain, starring Julia Roberts — and showed off his sequined t-shirt. You know, to demonstrate how not gay he is.

Disappointingly, it seems it wasn't thrown at her.

· Variety does its best to sift through the continuing fallout from Paramount's DreamWorks acquisition. Paramount insiders deny that Brad Grey #2 Gail Berman's job is already at stake (despite the loud whisper of the moment that she might be axed and replaced by DW producer Walter Parkes, but shhhh, that's just a nasty rumor). And as for the problem of redundancy in jobs across DreamWorks and Paramount, "department heads from both studios were required to turn over names of employees in their division. The lists are being combed over to see which employee is a stronger candidate, the current Paramount employee or the DreamWorks staffer." After five minutes of dramatic head-scratching and thoughtful harumphing, the Paramount list will be run through a shredder and offices will be cleared to make way for the DW staffers. It's nonstop fun and excitement on the Melrose lot! [Variety]
· NBC will air a record 416 hours of Winter Olympics coverage across its many networks, meaning that you, the incredibly bored viewer, might not miss a single minute of people in spandex sliding down ice chutes in a dizzying variety of positions. [THR]
· Reclusive move star Julia Roberts considers returning to her long abandoned career to star opposite Tom Hanks in Charlie Wilson's War, possibly for her Closer director Mike Nichols. If she's going to hand the twins over to a nanny to go back to work, she's not gonna fuck around. [Variety]
· With just weeks until shooting, the producers of the new, Daniel Craig-starring Bond remake Casino Royale are sleeping with actresses as fast as they can to find a new Bond Girl. [Variety]
· FX has already purchased the cable rights to 2006 summer blockbuster-to-be Superman Returns for a reported $17-25 million. guaranteeing the network first crack at cramming the Bulge of Steel onto the small screen. [Variety]

The Hollywood Reporter has finally unleashed its annual list of the highest-paid actresses in the business, providing us with a handy metric that helps take the guesswork out of evaluating the true worth of the big screen's fairer sex. And in an utterly unsurprising non-development, Julia Roberts once again triumphs in the only contest that truly matters:

· Now that her babies are two-and-a-half months old, it's finally safe for Julia Roberts to begin selling tiny pieces of their souls to the celebrity glosses.
· Headline of the week, by a mile: Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drug Test with Fake Penis
· Paris Hilton "resents" that Playboy put her on their cover when she doesn't appear naked inside. Oh, the moral outrage!
· Suddenly, our lives make sense: "In a study titled "Monkeys Pay Per View," neuroscientists at Duke University discovered that rhesus monkeys will give up a portion of hard-earned perks for a peek at pictures of the dominant leaders and nubile females in their troop. But they won't pony up to look at faces of subordinate simians." [via Wonkette]

· Tea Leoni beats the crap out of Adam Sandler during a sex scene in Spanglish. Just like the famous Heath and Jake lovebrawl, but without the chaps and spurs!
· The sage and magical Julia Roberts cures the bloated John Travolta of a troubling night-urination problem. [via goldenfiddle]
· Oh, those crazy Brits and their celebrity worship! [via Towleroad]
· For a company that's always laying people off, Miramax sure does a lot of hiring.
· Yesterday, we noted an amusing discussion of Colin Farrell's penis. Today, creepily knothole-obsessed sister site Fleshbot minds the stepchildren.

—By now everyone knows that insufferable all-time Jeopardy smartypants Ken Jennings goes down in flames tonight after a mere $2.5 million in earnings, but that didn't stop Sony from strong-arming blogger Jason Kottke into taking down his spoilers from the show.
—Maybe CBS didn't like the weird sexual objectification subtly encoded in their MILF-invoking Julia-Roberts-gives-birth headline, because they changed it.
—Someone should tell E! that a bad back and a couple of twins being born does not a curse make. Call us if Brad Pitt gets murdered by a mummy, OK?
—Tara Reid begs for tabloid mercy while crowing about picking up Anna Kournikova's sloppy seconds.
—Bad idea jeans: Licking Britney Spears' feet.

The Curious Case of Julia Roberts' Premature Twins has been cracked wide open by that paragon of investigative journalism, the anonymous Craigslist poster: