[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

OK, OK, Hollywood Reporter — we get it. The trade paper today took 1,600 words, three pie charts, two line graphs, and a half-dozen adorable floating-head info boxes to confirm the long-suspected word on the street that — are you ready? — the star system is dying. Jim Carrey can't open! Brad Pitt's last film did $4 million! Julia Roberts hasn't broken $70 million since 2001! Shriek!

Other the standard rom-com plot problems with Notting Hill, like two strangers falling in love, the biggest hole in this movie is Hugh Grant's job as the owner of a travel book store. I suppose it's endearing, but really it just makes no sense. His inventory would need to be restocked constantly. And who would even frequent this shop? In travel books, you want information, not obscurity. And the best can be just as easily acquired at any independently owned shop as from Hugh Grant's character's specialty store. Yes, I realize this movie came out in 1999. I'm just saying.

America's former sweetheart Julia Roberts talked to any one would listen about "the good old days" when she was at the top of the gossip heap. Roberts complained that the stars of today no longer have to go through multiple marriages like they used to in order to get on the cover of People. She went on to explain that she practically pioneered the strategy of dating someone way, way, WAY way out of their league (like she did with Lyle Lovett) in an effort to grab the headlines. Roberts then muttered something under her breath about reality television when the paparazzi quickly exited the scene after getting a hot tip about someone from The Hills shopping at a nearby Sephora.

Entertainment Weekly gets in on the fiery death of Eliot Spitzer's every last hope and dream with a list! Predictably, the mag's "25 Hollywood Hookers" reserves its top spot for the Julia Roberts fantasy Pretty Woman. But it does give a nod to Jon Voight's awesome Joe Buck from Midnight Cowboy. Better yet, there's a full-body shot of a teen Jody Foster in the pedo-bait outfit that helped make Taxi Driver such an iconic must-see. [EW]

In case you hadn't heard, recently resigned NY governor Eliot Spitzer likes call girls. A lot. And while we're still busy casting the inevitable movie of the week, our slideshow-obsessed friends over at Us dove into their archives to reminisce on the hooker-laced pasts of Hugh Grant, Eddie Murphy and escort king Charlie Sheen, who've all been caught with their pants (and dignities) down. But call girls don't always come in the form of silicone sketchballs straight out of the Bada Bing. Sometimes they have hearts of gold and charisma as thick as the air on the 101! If they're played by stars, that is. We dove into our own archives and selected our top five films that revolve around the World's Oldest Profession, flicks that will surely be making their way onto Eliot Spitzer's Netflix queue in no time.

It's been nearly two months since we first heard about The Chosen Two's impending arrival, but judging from the size of Angelina Jolie's widening waistline, we suspect Brad's super sperm went into baby-making action a bit earlier than that. Seen yesterday shopping for books in Austin, Texas, Angelina's belly seems to be expanding at an exponential rate not yet seen in celebrity pregnancies. Which got us thinking, what if we saddled Jolie up next to J. Lo and Julia Roberts just before they burst? That way, we can begin to suss out just what size muumuu to FedEx to Casa Brangelina come spring.

While AOL has put together a rosy list of the "hottest on-set hookups," complete with lusty make-out pictures and lovey-dovey tales from between the sheets, we feel obligated to point out that not every "hot" and heavy on-set romance leads to a fairy tale ending. In fact, a few of these couples' choices to get busy in between scenes wreaked havoc on both their personal and professional lives, leading some to lose their spouses, their reps and, in Angelina Jolie's case, a tattoo or two. We put together our own list of the top five most ill-fated on-set hookups, mainly to remind these bed-hopping stars that sometimes it's best to just say no to illicit trailer sex.

[Julia Roberts and Clive Owen headed to a business meeting today in New York; image via Splash]

For every swan dress there is a fire engine red body-hugger worn by the likes of Catherine Zeta-Jones, or one of those golden sparkle-y things that just melts all over Halle Berry's body. To prove we're not just big meanies when it comes to discussing Oscar outfits of yesterday, we've put together our Top Ten picks for the most exclamatory, drop-dead dresses ever worn on an Oscar red carpet, and even redeemed one member of the Worst Club by placing her at the shiny top of our Best-Dressed cake.

Apparently, network partner ABC is succumbing to the same "Which show are we going to put on?" panic as the Academy, as this promo teasing a "Oscar's Best 'Fuck You' Moments" montage that would run during a clip-heavy, strike-crippled telecast has surfaced on the YouTubes. We hope it's testing well; even if the WGA contract dispute is resolved in time to save the program, the normal awards ceremony could definitely be livened up by revisiting the infamous "It's about fucking time, it's been ten goddamn years since Pretty Woman, you ignorant shit-for-brains voters!" tirade Julia Roberts unleashed following her 2001 Best Actress win for Erin Brockovich.

· La Vie en Rose Oscar nominee Marion Cotillard tries to parlay some of her awards-season heat into a role alongside Christian Bale and Johnny Depp in Michael Mann's Public Enemies, playing gangster John Dillinger's "torch singer girlfriend." [Variety]
· Meanwhile, (rightly) Academy-ignored Charlie Wilson's War star Julia Roberts hunts for her next chance at awards glory, attaching herself to star in and produce an adaptation of soon-to-be published novel Hothouse Flowers, about a recently divorced NY ad exec who throws it all away to embark on a fabulous post-break-up adventure. [THR]
[After the jump: NBC sues Dick Wolf!; Oscar nominations translate to bigger weekend grosses; the fate of Mary-Kate and Ben Kingsley's Sundance film.]

· George Clooney is sincerely sorry that he couldn't appear in person for the American Cinematheque's tribute to Ocean's 12 co-star Julia Roberts; additionally, he's sorry to be stuck in a bathroom doing stale Larry Craig jokes, even if his toe-tapping, prospective stall-sex partner is partner-in-crime Brad Pitt.
· Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Tweety Bird are ordered to testify in a counterfeiting case by an Italian court, a summons Disney's local bureau denied on the grounds that the characters are not real.
· Mr. Tumnus denies that he's been tapped to play Kurt Cobain.
· CostCo's casket-and-urn aisle has always been our favorite, though we find the card tables where employees offer free cremains samples to be a little off-putting. [via Boing Boing]

Today, all the world will bow before the awesome earning power of 2007's Most Expensive Female Movie Star: pointy-chinned romantic comedy juggernaut Reese Witherspoon, whose ability to command in excess of $15 million per picture can't even be compromised by ill-advised on-screen dalliances with her lower-grossing, dreamy-eyed, alleged in-flight soulmate. The Reporter has just released the list of Hollywood's best-compensated actresses, its annual reshuffling of the names of the only 10 ladies who get offered roles more satisfying than "allegedly homely best friend" or "youngish mother of a sassy teenager":

· A mere nine years after the first X-Files film surfaced in theaters, Fox announces that the second of Mulder and Scully's big-screen adventures (a reteaming, if you will) will arrive on July 25, 2008, a project that will begin shooting in December in Vancouver, far away from the picket lines of Los Angeles. [Variety]
· Joss Whedon reteams (we love it when people reteam) with former Buffy cast member Eliza Dushku for Fox's Dollhouse, getting a seven-episode commitment from the network for an idea that struck Whedon in between bites of a Caesar salad while lunching with the actress. [THR]

It's named Henry Daniel, which is admirably restrained of the Moders! Just thought you might like to know.

On the occasion of the birth of her third child, we at Defamer would like to offer an apology to Julia Roberts, for we've been so consumed with one-time dabbler in biological reproduction Angelina Jolie's every orphan-collecting whim that we've allowed ourselves to fall tragically out of touch with the Most Powerful Womb in Hollywood, forgetting that Roberts was even pregnant. This oversight on our part is especially embarrassing, as Roberts, unlike Jolie, has never publicly commented on the overprivileged blobbiness of her "real" children or used the press to work through any complicated feelings about the difficult decision to choose her empty uterus over crowded Third World orphanages, a noble commitment to privacy that deserves far more media attention than it currently receives. We promise to do better with the next pregnancy, assiduously tracking it with our finest gigantic red arrows from the earliest Us Weekly baby-bump to eventual exclusive People announcement of its healthy birth weight.

· Cannes update: Films receiving early praise at Cannes include the Coen brothers' No Country For Old Men, the abortion drama 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, and Zodiac, which feels like it was released in America three years ago. You may now return to not caring about what's going on in France (unless it involves Jerry Seinfeld in a bee suit. That was so awesome!) [Variety]
· Because we know that you can't sleep if you don't know what Julia Roberts is up to: She's set to star in a movie based on the the life of African wildlife conservationist Joan Root. Or have more babies and take another five years off from the demands of being Hollywood's Biggest Female Star, depending on her mood. [THR]
· The Emmys are "one step closer" to moving from the Shrine to the shiny new Nokia Theater being built downtown, a change of venue that the TV Academy promises won't have any impact on the show's reliably low entertainment value. [Variety]
· The season finales of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters overcome token competition from the other networks, giving ABC an underwhelming Sunday night ratings victory. [THR]
· Var provides possibly unreliable evidence that Goldie Hawn is still alive. [Variety]

No need to panic, Hanks/Roberts fans and Universal executives! The above-the-title talent wasn't even on set when that anonymous special effects assistant was critically injured, greatly reducing the chance of the bodily harm seemingly threatened in the above headline supplied by the website of Toledo's News Leader. To their credit, they seem to have run the rest of the AP wire report unaltered, refraining from trying to create an additional hook for the story of the tragically injured assistant by combining it with the recent news that Hanks is currently the second most popular movie star in America and Roberts one of its richest famous ladies.

• Julia Roberts, according to Page Six's ever-infallible sources, is once more enceinte. [Page Six]