[Frump Jonas, Hunk Jonas, and Hip Jonas film something surf-themed. Image via Pacific Coast News]

[Disney Channel stars Demi Lovato and Nicole Anderson with their dates, Nick Jonas and Joe Jonas (who is very into this situation, you know, sex-wise) after a romantic date in Los Feliz. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Kim Kardashian's gigantic ass and chewtoy/boyfriend—New Orleans Saints player Reggie Bush—descend on Miami. Let Diddy be Diddy. Madonna's vagina is funny. Kristen Stewart got someone fired. Tiger Woods: excited to jack off? Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Nick Jonas wanted to go solo for a change, and his new band—Nick Jonas & The Administration—is the result. Tonight, Jonas performed the title track of his upcoming album, Who I Am, on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Even though you had the week between Christmas and New Year's off doesn't mean celebs stopped living their lives and the world stopped reporting on it. Here is a catch-up for all you missed while away from the Internet.

As the Sheen-Mueller cycle of violence rounds another bend, we have no choice but to end the year depressingly. Tracy Morgan buys lube, Kate Hudson goes "psycho," Jonases contemplate break-up. Should auld gossip be forgot: Thursday gossip lang syne.

"I feel bad" for boyfriends whose girlfriends don't send them XXX self-portraits, says Rihanna; Tiger Woods' sexy texts messages are out; LiLo and SamRo make nice. Wednesday's gossip is one nip slip short of a tabloid triathlon.

• Rosie O'Donnell told Howard Stern yesterday that she "had a chance to romance" Angelina Jolie back when they were both single and they talked on the phone a few times, but they never ended going out for dinner as planned, alas. She also says Petra Nemcova once sent her "love signals" when the model was a guest on Rosie's talk show, but she didn't capitalize on that opportunity either. Rosie has a new satellite radio show launching next week, so don't be surprised if more of these missed love connections surface in the coming days. [NYDN, CM]
• In other creepy celebrity sex news, a new book by controversial biographer Andrew Morton claims that Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's live-in boyfriend when she was 16 years old. And a second Jolie tell-all, to be published on December 1, claims Angie once contemplated suicide, has a history of heroin use, and, when it comes to her relationship with Brad Pitt, has "successfully manipulated the public into believing a glamorous fairytale that bears little resemblance to the reality of the pair's life together." [DM, Us]
• Ashley Dupre popped by Scores last Saturday night. She didn't strip, but she did make out with her new boyfriend PJ all night, so patrons of the strip club didn't go home totally empty-handed. [P6]

Jennifer Aniston: now eliciting tabloid sympathy. Scott Rudin: still a dick, but a funny one who hates his mother. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart: prisoners of the vampire kingdom, which needs to go. Winehouse: mess-y. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger are so doing it, Kevin Jonas is engaged, Hayden Panetierre is totally naked in her new movie, Tinsley Mortimer is dating a German aristocrat and Mischa Barton gets kicked out of a London nightclub's bathroom.

• ABC and NBC will face off on Thursday night with competing tributes to Farrah Fawcett, who died today. But you probably expected that, no? [NYT]
• David Letterman beat out Conan in the ratings last week, the first time the Late Show has dominated the weekly ratings since 2005. [THR]
• Rosie O'Donnell will debut a new show on Sirius XM this fall. [NYDN]
• Rumor has it Ben Silverman's tenure at NBC may be ending soon. [DHD]
• Fox News now averages the same number of viewers as CNN, MSNBC, and HLN combined. Cue an evil grin across Roger Ailes's face. [THR]
• Wired editor-in-chief Chris Anderson's new book contains material he ripped from Wikipedia. But he's really, really sorry about it, okay? [NYP]

Nick Jonas (not the ugly one) (but not the cute one?) testified on Capitol Hill today, and guess who acted like a bunch of tween girls: the mothers of tween girls, and the DC press corps. And a Senator!

[Nick Jonas flanked by his two brothers, Joe and Kevin, outside the Letterman show yesterday; image via INF]

Britney is planning the "filthiest aftershow party" to ever hit the UK, Lady Gaga wants to bang all the Jonas Brothers at the same time, Lindsay Lohan is seeking to enter fashion as a "creative consultant," and the Susan Boyle crazy breakdown story gets even sadder.

Teenagers! They're out there, genuflecting at the altar of the Jonas Brothers and finger-banging in the backs of buses on the way to field trips and doing whatever else teenagers do these days. But did you know that text messaging is completely destroying all hope for their future?

• Paris Fashion Week came to a conclusion today with a memorable show by John Galliano and Marc Jacobs' collection for Louis Vuitton, which, shockingly, only started seven minutes late. [NYT, Telegraph, WWD, WSJ]
• Want to see Project Runway return to the air? Heidi Klum suggests demonstrating outside Harvey Weinstein's house. Good idea![MSNBC]
• Retailers are pushing designers to reduce costs in the hopes consumers can be convinced to pay full-price again. [WSJ]
• Heard on the Runway, the Journal's fashion blog, may be over. [NYM]
• The Jonas Brothers are launching a clothing line. Sweet! [Racked]
• Zooey Deschanel has debuted her sunglasses line for Oliver Peoples. [NYDN]
• Shepard Fairey is crafting Saks' new ad campaign. [FWD]
• Need some couture for your dog? Here are some places to start. [Pipeline]

Good morning and happy, miserable Monday everyone. (Snow on the East, rain on the West). While you cower inside, away from the elements, ponder over the weekend box office report and wonder... why?

While you were busy ogling pretty ladies in pretty dresses, ABC was airing Barbara Walters' investigative report on the really important issues. Such as: Is Joe Jonas a jerk? And is Hugh Jackman gay?

The mob gathered outside the Trump International Hotel is not comprised of outraged Trump Entertainment shareholders who watched the company file for bankruptcy protection for the third time today. Apparently they're crazy tweens hoping to catch a glimpse of the Jonas Brothers. But at least if Donald Trump is feeling particularly down in the dumps about today's news, he can always walk in and out of his hotel and guarantee himself a few rounds of applause.

If the incoming Oscar producers are serious about their pledge to detonate the awards show and rebuild from scratch, may they take two imperative lessons from Sunday night's Grammy telecast: