Britney is planning the "filthiest aftershow party" to ever hit the UK, Lady Gaga wants to bang all the Jonas Brothers at the same time, Lindsay Lohan is seeking to enter fashion as a "creative consultant," and the Susan Boyle crazy breakdown story gets even sadder.

  • Britney Spears is taking her bondage-themed tour to Europe soon and is rumored to be planning afterparties in clubs featuring "naked acrobats, topless burlesque babes and dancing dwarves." [Sun]

  • Lady Gaga doesn't care about the Jonas Brothers' dumb fake chastity vows, she wants to round those boys up, get them all in a room, and have a foursome with them! [Daily News]

  • Human trainwreck Lindsay Lohan is trying desperately to land a gig as a "creative consultant" at a European fashion line, which has caused an uproar among the line's current employees, some of whom are threatening to quit if they hire her. [Page Six]

  • Susan Boyle passed out in her bedroom after crying all day and yelling at Britain's Got Talent producers before she was admitted to a mental hospital. She was also heard screaming for her cat Pebbles as she was being admitted. This story gets sadder every day. [Sun]

  • Winona Ryder said in an interview that she and Christian Slater have signed on to do a sequel of the Hollywood cult classic "Heathers." [Perez]

  • Paris Hilton was kept away from the stars of The Hills on the red carpet of the MTV Movie Awards out of fear that there'd be some sort of catfight break out over Paris recently trashing the show. [3AM]

  • Shia LaBeouf is set to star in the latest film adaptation of a John Grisham legal thriller. [Daily News]

  • Did you see Cameron Diaz at the MTV Movie Awards? Everyone wants to know what the heck happened to her face! [WWTDD]

  • Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, following the lead of Brangelina, are set to adopt a Vietnamese child very soon. [Sun]

  • Stephen Dorff has apparently had enough of banging silicone-enhanced Hollywood bimbos and is settling down with his publicist. [Page Six]