Arizona has been having some troubles again, this time with massive wildfires torching the already barren hellscape. You know why? Because it's a desert. All you need is, say, a golf club nicking a rock, or some other painfully simple action, and boom: death flames everywhere. Or you can just blame the illegal immigrants in their pyromanic fly-by-night encampments, as Sen. John McCain has.

Sen. John McCain took to the Senate floor Thursday to condemn waterboarding and other torture techniques, saying that the debate over these techniques is ultimately "about morality. What is at stake here it the very idea of America."

War monster John McCain, fresh off of his triumphant jaunt to Libya, made a shocking confession on this morning's Today show: He is not ready to drop more American freedom bombs, forever and without any actual plan, in another Middle Eastern country where some citizens have been protesting. Is the old nutter on his meds or something? What ever happened to the angry warrior we'd all come to know and not love? This is a classic gaffe.

Crazy old coot John McCain landed in the rebel-held eastern Libyan city of Benghazi today. What's the old warmonger doing there? We imagine he's there to size 'em up because, you know, McCain's understanding of Libya's complex system of tribal loyalties probably goes all the way back to Reagan's bombing campaign there in the '80s, and maybe even Back to the Future. He also knows a thing or two about prosecuting a successful war.

American idiot Meghan McCain has writed another column for the Daily Beast, which routinely passes along her Blackberried thoughts unedited, this time featuring a nontraditional spelling for the name of her father's campaign manager. Would you edit John Ashbery?

Meghan McCain would like you to know that she did not blow off a speaking engagement to party in Las Vegas. She blew off a speaking engagement because she got dumped, she announces today in The Daily Beast:

John McCain, who had never been a Maverick until he returned to being a Maverick just a few weeks ago, has won Washington's juiciest prize: America's Most Conservative Senator. At least according to whatever algorithm National Journal uses to crap out such scores.

Basketball games are among the best places for spotting celebrities in the wild. Since the famous folk frequent court side seats, the view is often unobstructed; the lighting is good; cameras are welcome; and, due to the magic of assigned seating, they often end up interacting with unexpected members of their flock. Case in point: At last night's NBA All-Stars game, Justin Bieber sat next to Rihanna.

John McCain, who loves switching personalities, is trying to reclaim his bipartisan Maverick hero image in the media again, now that he's secured another Senate term. And he'll get it. He always does! It's just too easy for him.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a segment about the 108th Congress. Specifically, Stewart lambasted curmudgeonly bigot John McCain for his increasingly angry, insane rhetoric. Then, Stewart fought with a puppet version of McCain. The entertaining bit, inside.

The second day of Senate hearings regarding a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" repeal went better for shameless filibuster-leader John McCain. But that's only because he fully embarrassed himself yesterday. But are the individual service chiefs really against repeal?

Jon Stewart tread on familiar ground tonight, lambasting Senator John McCain for continuing his backpedaling and doublespeak on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Curiously, though, it was Joe Lieberman who got a tip of the hat. Watch inside.

Today we looked at crusty ol' Gramps McCain's unending support of Don't Ask Don't Tell, frustrating everyone who read it. One commenter decided to do a little psychological digging to get to the real heart of the three-time centenarian.

A proposed repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" enjoys the support of a national majority. The Pentagon has thoroughly studied and endorsed it. It wouldn't bother soldiers. DADT has been ruled unconstitutional, anyway. But John McCain needs more.

Tonight, Jon Stewart spent a few minutes discussing, in detail, just how ridiculous and archaic—not to mention ever-evolving—John McCain's stance on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is, marking Stewart's harshest critique yet of McCain's increasingly indefensible views. Watch inside.

Cindy McCain caused a stir by denouncing Don't Ask Don't Tell in a spot for a pro-gay marriage organization even as her husband blocks any attempt to repeal the law. But wait! She actually supports John's position?

George W. Bush is unsurprisingly denying the report that he'd "have endorsed Obama if they'd asked." A spokesman calls the story "ridiculous and untrue," adding that Bush "proudly" supported McCain. Welcome back to the 24-hour news cycle, George W. Bush.

During the 2008 campaign, President George W. Bush told a group of visiting Brits that he "probably" wouldn't vote for McCain, according to Financial Times writer Alex Barker. That's not all: He also said he would've endorsed Obama if asked.

Remember how Democrats would simply wait until after the election to pass all of their bills, during a pressure-free lame duck session? Did you buy that? Because they're already dropping most agenda items, including a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" repeal.