So this is what People's $6m bid has bought. The Time Inc. magazine is finally publishing those pricey photos of Jennifer Lopez and her new twins. But no Marc Anthony: the performer's husband, unlike Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, for instance, isn't famous enough to add value to the image-which makes the price paid by People all the more extraordinary. Not only is Marc Anthony a net negative; Jennifer Lopez herself is past the peak of fame that she reached when dating Ben Affleck. But competition between celebrity weeklies has sharpened since the weeklies paid $4m for Brangelina's baby; that has caused general inflation in the price of photos; and nothing trumps the visual appeal of twins except, maybe, triplets. Awww.

It's been nearly two months since we first heard about The Chosen Two's impending arrival, but judging from the size of Angelina Jolie's widening waistline, we suspect Brad's super sperm went into baby-making action a bit earlier than that. Seen yesterday shopping for books in Austin, Texas, Angelina's belly seems to be expanding at an exponential rate not yet seen in celebrity pregnancies. Which got us thinking, what if we saddled Jolie up next to J. Lo and Julia Roberts just before they burst? That way, we can begin to suss out just what size muumuu to FedEx to Casa Brangelina come spring.

Another day, another star lost to the more-popular-than-ever VIP club that is the Church of Scientology. But unlike Tom and Katie's previous predatory attacks on Jennifer Lopez and the Beckhams, this one really hurts. On Wednesday night, the Knights of Hubbard went on a double date with Oscar winner Forrest Whitaker and his wife Keisha, right on the heels of last Wednesday's double date with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith (long-term victims of TomKat's proselytizing ways). Savvy observers will recall that this isn't Whitaker's first brush with the wily ways of Scientologists; back in 1999, he spent months on end on the set of Battlefield Earth with John Travolta. So, the question is this — does he have enough willpower left to resist yet another call from Xenu's sworn enemies?

• Apple's miraculous iPhone has exponentially increased the productivity of scuzzballs like sometime Britney Spears boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. Though paparazzo Ghalib has his hands full shopping for pregnancy tests with singer Spears, getting uppity with his former coworkers and maybe cutting exploitive photo deals, the iPhone allowed him to also have internet sexytime chats with other women. Britney found the messages and threw Ghalib's iPhone in a pool, then threw the pap out of her house. He wrote a stupid note offering her "milky soup."

There's no two ways about it, Americans love obsessing over celebrity nip slips, vadge flashes and sex tapes (even if it is Gene Simmons...shudder). But the British tabs, being as posh as they are, have taken a more conservative approach to body part fascination: knees. While photos of the bony joints attached to Kate Moss, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez and Courteney Cox may not tighten your trousers, the names they've come up with for each gal's wheely kneelies give the NY Post a run for its money in the hed-writing department. Photos of The Sun's picks for Worst Knees, along with their snappy yet barely decipherable titles ("Eva Longoria's Tunnock's Teacakes Kneecaps"!), after the jump.

The English are so smart. Not only do they have those great accents, but they ask the pressing questions, like, "Does J-Lo REALLY need to sell pictures of her twins for $6 million?" Why, Goddamn, I was just going to make a joke about the cannibalistic nature of celebrity culture. But now that I think that about it, maybe J. Lo doesn't actually REALLY need those six million dollars.

The cancellation of this year's Vanity Fair party, the social highlight of Oscars night, is a tragedy. Not so much because it deprives gatecrashers of their most significant challenge of the year; but because Graydon Carter's annual party invites represent a definitive list of celebrity. The next best thing: social scientist Elizabeth Currid and her colleague analyzed photographs of guests since last year's gathering, to calculate the most socially connected and socially promiscuous of celebrities. A taster: highly connected Kimora Lee Simmons is a perfect celebrity disease vector, or else simply skilled at working her way into the frame. But one of the flightiest social butterflies, a cute Spanish actress, seemingly devoted to her craft, will surprise you.

Exciting news for actress/singer/fragrance magnate Jennifer Lopez and singer/actor/Caesar-supporter Marc Anthony, for the two are the proud parents of bouncing baby twins—one J and one Lo—born shortly after midnight in a New York-area hospital. Having dropped a rumored $6 million for the privilege, we now acquiesce with a bow and a flourish to People's J-Lo! Twins! Birth! Exclusive!:

Twelve minutes past midnight, Jennifer Lopez gave birth to a 5 lbs. 7 oz. baby girl, followed at 12:23 AM by 6 lbs. baby boy. The birth took place in a secure room of a Long Island hospital, hermetically sealed prior to J. Lo's arrival, guarded by security forces trained intensively in "pink drills" in recent weeks. The lockdown helps protect the $4 million to $6 million People magazine is paying for exclusive pictures of the kids, an exclusive that would be ruined by anyone lawfully and safely snapping a photo and sending it a competing media outlet, like say tips@gawker.com, which FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY pays you $7.50 per 1000 views! Besides, J. Lo hardly needs the money, especially if she plans to practice the "tough love" she got from her own mom, as described in October to David Letterman:

Jennifer Lopez has reportedly sold the US rights to exclusive pictures of her twinset to People for a rumored $6 million, beating the record formerly held by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Plus, Lopez will also receive an undisclosed sum from OK! for international rights. But why so much moolah for J. Lo? How can her spawn possibly be worth more than The Chosen One (whose baby pics were purchased by People for $4.1 million)? As Flavor Flav and those guys from the Coors Light commercials would say: TWINS!

Jennifer Lopez's last two movies, El Cantante and An Unfinished Life, did only $16m between them at the domestic box office. The singer-actress has ceded the celebrity weeklies, in which her relationship with actor Ben Affleck featured heavily, to younger stars. Her current husband, Marc Anthony, is a relative unknown. So why would pictures of Lopez's forthcoming offspring be worth up to $6m to People magazine? Because box-office appeal, buzz, and spousal synergy are all outweighed by one factor: the soppy readers of celebrity magazines adore pictures of twins. They're worth not merely twice as much; the multiplier is more like two to the power of two. Which means that Angelina Jolie's twins, which benefit from much more famous parents, will smash all records; her last, solo, child brought in $4m.

• Britney Spears is finally on the right path. Model Heidi Klum made her look a bit more sane by offering to fix all of Spears' problems for her, an offer that of course succeeded only in making Klum look as crazy as Dr. Phil and Courtney Love. Then Spears took another step down the path toward appropriateness and normalcy by going clubbing with her father. Everything was going so well that Spears decided the time was perfect to try on wedding dresses and steal a blouse. She ended up very glad about not wearing a bra.

Lopez is a pop singer, dancer, and actress known as much for her generous backside, tabloid romances, and contract riders as for her music and acting careers.

· Earlier today, Oprah emerged from her Oprahphagus long enough to welcome the world's fastest clapper onto her show. While we haven't scientifically verified this, we're also betting he's the world's fastest masturbator.
· If you're wondering how one goes about getting kicked off the My Little Pony fan forum, here's a handy primer.
· Since when does Indiana Jones have a bazooka? This probably means that The Beouf will be wielding a flamethrower.
· Paris Hilton spent last night frenching Elisha Cuthbert in NYC. We can think of worse ways to spend a Tuesday night.
· And lastly, looks like we just might have a baby J. Lo by this time tomorrow. Happy happy joy joy (or something).

· Or does the new sketch of the man suspected of snatching young Madeline McCann look a lot like Killer Bob? Through the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see, one chants out between two worlds ...fire, walk with me!
· A previously unknown complication of pregnancy has kept J. Lo from being J. Lo of late. At least according to those louts in the British press, who have been taking her to task for her "bulging, crinkled knees."
· Kate Moss started her 35th year off with a bang. A 4-way bang, that is.
· For all of you out there who think that Dakota Fanning is over the hill, enjoy this not-at-all-creepy post by Just Jared featuring twenty of the most popular Elle Fanning pictures available anywhere online! We're fawning over Fanning, too! Then again, not so much.
· And, with that, we're out of here. We leave you to spend the next 18 hours or so reviewing The Thighmaster's wildly entertaining list of his 2007 "Thighs Wide Movies." So best, indeed.

• Because she is the same kind of girl we are, Jennifer Lopez found two (2) ex-boyfriends in attendance at Harvey Weinstein's wedding. That always makes it really hard to hook up behind your new husband's back, we have found! [P6]

Little interests us less than the contents of Jennifer "Jen-Pez" Lopez's uterus, but when the items on her super-double-top-secret baby gift registry are shockingly! revealed ("We don't talk about any of our clients," says the publicity-shy owner of celebrity-infant-spoiling concern La Petit Tresor with a conspiratorial wink), we take notice. $350 cashmere outfits! $3,500 carriages! The proposed building of standalone nursery-mansions on the grounds of the star's many sprawling estates, each lavishly decorated by the boutique's design consultants! We can hardly wait for Lopez to pop out her twins directly onto the cover of People, allowing us all a first look at all the fun things Jen's besties bought for the tykes. [Rush & Molloy]

The date: October 9, 2007
The place: 43rd and Broadway
Sighted: "Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony came out of the elevators as I was walking through my lobby this morning. She looked gorgeous and was dressed in quite a baggy shirt... hmmm. And Skeletor was... well... skeletal."

Truth be told, the contents of Jennifer Lopez's uterus don't particularly interest us, though we do harbor a suspicion that she's been parading around with a false, early-term baby-bump in which she stores a self-authored script for prospective comeback vehicle Enough II: Never Enough and the ostentatious engagement ring she received at the height of the Bennifer craze, hoping that the conspicuous bulge might revive some interest in her career.

• At last, Us Weekly confirms that Jennifer Lopez has finally succeeded at her lifelong goal of conceiving a child. Her only regret is that that witch Halle Berry beat her to it. [Us Weekly]