Jenna Jameson, who already looks startlingly, almost grotesquely different than when she started out in the porn biz 15 years ago, is about to look even stranger. That’s because she’s pregnant with twins thanks to the handy work of UFC and Celebrity Apprentice star Tito Ortiz. Jenna announced the happy news on her MySpace blog yesterday. “Yes everyone,” she writes. “I can officially confirm that Tito and I are expecting twins! I had my second ultrasound today and was greeted by two big healthy babies with pounding hearts. I can't even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an extremely long time, and I truly feel like finally the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive.” We’re talking about a woman who’s had a lot inside her already, so these twins must really be something special. Congrats from all your friends here at Defamer! [Starpulse]

♦ Samantha Ronson refused to DJ an event at Rubyfruit, allegedly because she doesn't spin at gay or lesbian bars. Her rep, of course, denies this. [P6]
♦ David Spade didn't turn up at Eric Trump's charity golf tournament in New Jersey last week because he thought it was taking place at Trump's LA course. [P6]
♦ An Atlantic City monsignor wants his name added to the list of Raffaello Follieri's victims. He says he gave the Italian playboy $110,000 because Raffaello said he needed the funds to pay some nuns. [NYDN]
♦ MTV has finally confirmed Whitney Port's Hills spinoff. It will begin airing in early 2009. [E!]
♦ How exciting! Mike Bloomberg will become an honorary citizen of Tbilisi, Georgia tomorrow night. [P6]

• Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo were supposed to have two weddings coming up—one in Mustique and one at The Plaza—but now they're having none because the whole wedding has been called off. The Post's suggestion: "Maybe he should rethink his hairpiece." [Page Six]

It’s always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you’re just trying out for another straight-to-DVD horror remake, only to find out afterwards that you just emoted all your talents in front of a titan of the porn industry. In yet another display of complete parental ignorance, Dina Lohan’s decision to send Lindsay-wannabe Ali on a journey to score a part in Troll in this weekend’s season finale of Living Lohan was kind of equivalent to sending your 14-year old daughter on a read-through of Bun Busters 13 or Breast Wishes 15. Yes, Ali’s eager efforts to make it big in showbiz has officially included a smiley “nerve-wracking” experience reciting classic lines like “Ratburgers!” in front of the multi-colored hair piece-topped Peter Davy, responsible for discovering gangbang queen Houston, among many other hardcore accomplishments. The clip, including Ali's stomach-tightening attempt to impress the porn industry professionals, after the jump.We, just like most of you, watched the Sunday finale of Dina’s pet project somewhat naïvely, unsuspecting of any cameos by canonized porn producers or guest spots made by directors intending on using Ali’s potential role into a “private instruction” on how to turn an otherwise innocuous ‘80s film remake into a “delicious” and sexy flick made magical by “people in China.” While the Troll director’s instructions guide Ali through much of the embarrassing audition, we have a sneaking suspicion that Davy’s presence is to blame for the wee Lohan’s need to imitate the “acrobatic” lead’s performance as Eunice, the “guardian against dark magic,” by imagining the casting room’s crew of greasy-haired Skinematic and Blowtime veterans are “really big movie people.” Typically, we await tomorrow, when Dina releases a statement denying Ali was ever in such a room whatsoever, and that any footage documenting the fact that she was were created by vicious haters is pure “bull doodie.”

• Natalie Portman was with her hippie boyfriend in a park when she got peed on by a dog. There's a picture and everything! Happy Tuesday! [Post]

Zombie Strippers star Jenna Jameson struggled with the menu at New York eatery, Pastis. Jameson struggled with selecting with her meal; as she told the server, she isn't used to ordering off menus without pictures on them. When it came time to order, she ust placed her finger on a random item and said that she'll have that. Much to Jameson's dismay, the server brought out a plate of calamari and clams, but she sucked them down nonetheless.

Jenna Jameson's mainstream star turn in this week's Zombie Strippers seemed bemusing enough to us a while back — right around the time, probably, that dirty-minded Premiere critic Glenn Kenny undertook his massive new survey of porn-star crossover attempts. We knew a little about the wide trajectories of most performers cited here, including Marilyn Chambers, Traci Lords and obviously Jameson herself. We didn't know, however, the degree to which more worldly veterans like Ron Jeremy were slumming when they first broke into smut:

The impossible dream imagined last year as word of the scintillating, straight-to-DVD Zombie Strippers — an actual movie starring Jenna Jameson and Nightmare on Elm Street veteran Robert Englund — circulated around the Web inched closer to reality last week, with Sony Pictures so certain of the magic at hand that it announced theatrical releases in more than a dozen cities April 18. A note slipped over the Defamer transom this morning (with the accompanying poster) alluded to "worldwide media sensation" Jameson's role in a strip club that gets hit with a secret government virus: "As one of the strippers gets the virus, she turns into a supernatural, flesh-eating zombie stripper, making her the hit of the club. Do the rest of the girls fight the temptation to be like the star stripper, even if there is no turning back?" We can hardly wait to find out, though we're guessing that like all canonical zombie films with ripe moral metaphors on hand, only a forceful 20-spot to the G-string can save the afflicted dancers from an eternity of brain-chomping damnation. [Sony Pictures]

Click to viewboomp3.com

After turning their swarthy disdain for Jaffa Cake Knees into a full-out journalistic attack, the Brit tabloids are at it again, only now they've sunk their unmanicured claws into an affliction rampant in Hollywood they've dubbed "trout pouts." Known victims of said affliction, like Jenna Jameson and Heidi Fleiss, have long been injecting so much poison into their lips that kissing them might feel a bit like sucking on an well-inflated balloon. Angelina Jolie Pillow Lips, these are not. After singling out once-quite-pretty actress Saffron Burrows as the poster girl for T.P., they've unleashed their venomous pens on several other poufy-lipped ladies—and no group of newsies writes a meaner caption than the snarky Brits. NSFYH (that's Not Safe For Your Health) pics, along with their brush-offs, after the jump.

From today's Page Six, Ex-pornstar "Jenna Jameson and Heatherette designer Richie Rich are opening a bar together in Chinatown—and they couldn't have picked a better spot, although they won't say exactly where. 'It used to be a whorehouse," Richie told Page Six. The bar [is] to be called The General Store.'" [NYP]

Apparently, merely yearning for the sight of Scarlett Johansson lovingly devouring pounds of sweaty ladyflesh does not make it so. Johansson's reps are swiftly, stiffly nipping in the bud all rumors that she will step into porn star Jenna Jameson's edible panties:

Fans of Scarlett Johansson — or of her cleavage — must be donkey-punching themselves with glee over rumors that the Oscar-nominated actress may bring that necessary dose of gravitas, youth, and authentic breasts to an upcoming Jenna Jameson biopic. According to the Daily Express, the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper" and bastion of the rigidly fact-based journalism we've come to cherish from the British tabs, naturally curvy Johansson has assumed the missionary position and will cleave to the role of the surgically enhanced porn star in a Universal project:.

• It's true: Larry Birkhead does look pretty psycho in the baby cheesecake shots he sold to OK. [NYP]
  

Speaking of bizarre branding exercises, Pony (the shoe company) has recruited porn superstar Jenna Jameson to hawk sneakers. Sex sells, and explicit sex really sells. "It's the rebelliousness factor, a nonconformist attitude," Come Chantrel of the Firm (Pony's artist-management agency) said. "By being involved with porn stars, it brings an edge."
Pony adds to its maverick image [NYT]