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Apparently, merely yearning for the sight of Scarlett Johansson lovingly devouring pounds of sweaty ladyflesh does not make it so. Johansson's reps are swiftly, stiffly nipping in the bud all rumors that she will step into porn star Jenna Jameson's edible panties:

While Jameson has gushed for months that the A-list beauty-cum-Woody Allen muse would be the perfect choice to headline her lurid tale of sex, drugs and award-winning girl-on-girl action [...] Johansson denies any and all involvement in the sure-to-be skin-heavy flick.

"There is no truth to this," Johansson's spokesperson, Marcel Pariseau, pooh-poohs to MSN Entertainment. "Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project. She also has no interest in playing this role. It is wishful thinking on the part of Ms. Jameson."

We are shocked — SHOCKED — at this insinuation that a porn star would be deluded or desperate for publicity. If we didn't already know the apocalypse was nigh thanks to Scott Baio getting a reality show about his sex life, we'd be battening down the hatches, spraying for locusts and smiting Shiloh Jolie-Pitt for being a false messiah.