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Fans of Scarlett Johansson — or of her cleavage — must be donkey-punching themselves with glee over rumors that the Oscar-nominated actress may bring that necessary dose of gravitas, youth, and authentic breasts to an upcoming Jenna Jameson biopic. According to the Daily Express, the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper" and bastion of the rigidly fact-based journalism we've come to cherish from the British tabs, naturally curvy Johansson has assumed the missionary position and will cleave to the role of the surgically enhanced porn star in a Universal project:.

[The film] is based on Jenna's bestselling autobiography How To Make Love Like A Porn Star, which followed the 33-year-old from ballet dancer to stripper to film "actress" and multi-millionairess businesswoman.

Jenna is one of the film's producers and explains:

"I tapped up Scarlett for the part and I'm very excited about the film.

"It was my decision not to play the role because I've lived that life already and anyone can play themself."

Indeed. It takes a unique person to star in Dasha: Like A Geyser and The Passion of the Christies, but it takes someone really special to convey the artist's inner personal turmoil while wearing a dental dam and enjoying a ten-person fuck train. In fact, Scarlett is the perfect choice — after all, as a muse to New York's most famous nebbishy director, she's already got plenty of experience working with a woody.

UPDATE: In an totally unanticipated turn of events, Scarlett Johansson's rep denies that her client is connected to this porn-related project in any way.