The prospect of Francis Ford Coppola imposing a "sex change" on Javier Bardem had us a million ways of excited (and just a little faint) today — and then we read the fine print. It turns out the director decided during rehearsals for his upcoming film Tetro that a woman would be a better mentor to his title character, played by Vincent Gallo. "As I read and reread (the script)," Coppola told The Hollywood Reporter, "I felt that the interaction between the two characters would be far more intriguing if they were of the opposite sex." Of course, the casting of Spanish actress Carmen Maura had nothing to do with Bardem reportedly "becoming unavailable" while keeping himself open for the Rob Marshall musical Nine, which shoots this fall. A similar scenario arose earlier in preproduction when Coppola, reportedly wanting to "go skeevy" with his lead, instinctively replaced Matt Dillon with Gallo. Either way, we think he's earned the benefit of our doubt. [THR]

While the rest of us may be dealing with the last gasp of winter or stressed over the impending recession and escalating gas prices or wondering why that person we met last weekend never called, Academy Award winner Javier Bardem and Academy Award nominee Penelope Cruz have a best solution to all of our problems, fears and concerns. Just go to the south of France, hang out, and just read a good book. Your cares and concerns will just melt away as you work on your tan. When you look good, you'll feel good, you know?

Haven't you heard? Stripping is back en vogue again (again)! Partly thanks to Ms. Busey-Hunt herself, the IdolStripperGate nonsense, and all those former strippers blogging away in support of the feminist cause that is taking your clothes off for money, our slideshow-happy friends at Us Magazine have dredged up the secret pasts of some other former private dancers. And though some may not surprise you (Courtney Love? NO! WAY!), there are also some Hollywood A-listers on their list. Find out after the jump which three Oscar nominees have, at one time or another, had to pull crumpled George Washingtons from their crotches after a long night of hustling.

Even though Hollywood's A-List was deprived of a chance to eat and drink on Vanity Fair's dime last night, two fiestas proved that celebrities will not let a little thing like tradition get in the way of a night of free booze and swag. Elton John's Annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Party usually has a strong turnout of power players, but the star wattage at the 16th incarnation of the bash last night was a few standard deviations past the norm, thanks mainly to the absence of Graydon Carter's soiree. Highlights included Tilda Swinton kissing her Oscar in some sort of Buddhist mating ritual, as well as the public debut of Hollywood's newest power couple, Sean Penn and Petra Nemcova. We've got pictures after the jump.

[Academy Award winning actors and goddamned foreigners Daniel Day-Lewis, Tilda Swinton, Marion Cotillard, and Javier Bardem; image via WENN]

And The George "Fat Clooney" Clooney Memorial Oscar For Suffering In The Name of Award-Winning Art goes to No Country for Old Men's Javier Bardem, whose willingness to be saddled with Anton Chigurh's instantly iconic bowl-cut had serious psychological repercussions for the actor. Says co-star Josh Brolin: "He was depressed during the process...He felt like he wouldn't have sex for three months. Full-blown depression. I mean, bad. (He) didn't like the way he looked. He'd stay home for hours on end. He wouldn't go out."

[Viggo Mortensen and Javier Bardem at the Screen Actors Guild awards in Los Angeles yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted the possible next First Daughter (for her second time—how weird will that be?) at a gay bar.

[Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem, two stars of the really, really good movie "No Country For Old Men" pose at the AFI Awards luncheon today, Los Angeles; image via AP]

Rejoice, for year-end accolades season is upon us: Like the National Board of Review, the New York Film Critics Circle awarded No Country For Old Men their best picture honors, with Daniel Day-Lewis and Javier Bardem both taking Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor Who Virtually Disappeared Into the Part of an Inscrutable Psychopath Whom You Have to Admit Was Pretty Damn Good At His Job, respectively.

They can deny it a million times over, their publicists can use the "just good friends" defense 'til they're blue in the face, but an enterprising paparazzo has finally gotten incontrovertible proof that Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are, in fact, hooking up! And if said hooking up takes its natural course, the lovers will produce an offspring with an accent thicker than a McDonald's milkshake, suitable only for giving voice to an animated bee in a Nasonex commercial.
Bonus link: If that's not enough, the two have already done the nasty in the 1992 Silver Lion award-winning film Jamón, jamón . Here's an NSFW clip featuring Penelope's language-barrier-resistant boobs!