When news broke yesterday that the moviegoers of this great nation of ours had voted Lindsay Lohan's dead-stripper turn in "I Know Who Killed (My Career)" as the single worst performance of Anno Domini 2007, our reaction was laced with both sadness and shock. Sadness because we all long for days when the frecklecrotched wonder's biggest problem was her slightly jiggly thighs, shock because we could think of no fewer than six and no greater than seven performances that were CLEARLY worse than Lindsay's. What follows, dear friends, is that list (in descending order, no less)!

At the risk of entering Ellen overkill territory (oh, who are we kidding—we set up camp there somewhere around 14 Iggy posts ago), something about this beyond surreal Entertainment Tonight promo compelled us to return to the tale of the dog responsible for Phase One of the comedian's recent image-tarnishing campaign.

· In other strike-related news, post-production houses prepare for the hit they'd take during a work stoppage, while indie film companies could see "the labor mess as a potential silver lining." [Variety, Variety]
· IggyGate provided The Ellen DeGeneres Show with a nice ratings boost, leading producers to plan a monthly stunt in which Ellen generously gives away one of her recently rescued pets to a young audience member, only to suffer an emotional breakdown as the gift is immediately ripped from the arms of the bawling child by adoption agency shock troops. [THR]

The Smoking Gun has procured the entire e-mail exchange between all relevant IggyGate parties, tracing the journey of Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres from proud new moms, kvelling over every healthy poop and successfully retrieved Nylabone, to harried and reluctant parents of a manic mongrel hindering the couple's ambitious construction plans. In light of all the daytime talk show hysterics that transpired afterwards, it's a highly compelling read.

What a difference a week makes, as only days ago our state's greatest displacement tragedy revolved around the fate of one lovable rat-dog, ripped from his hairdresser home by a mercenary squad of anal-retentive canine adoption officials. Still, those who hoped the IggyGate crisis would end with Ellen's clear-eyed meditation on the power of televised crying were sorely mistaken, as the armchair psychiatrists at Star Magazine have begun to examine the Iggy behind the Iggy—i.e., Ellen and Portia's allegedly deteriorating relationship:

Returning to her show after a brief hiatus necessitated by her well-publicized crusade to return an unwanted dog to a family that could shower the adorable animal in the love she never could, embattled pet-adoption facilitator Ellen DeGeneres says she's learned an invaluable lesson from IggyGate: Don't cry on television.

Most of us are still struggling to make sense of IggyGate, in which a team of rescue-shelter special forces abducted a snoozing Brussels Griffon mix once owned by Ellen DeGeneres. (A helpful reader sent in the accompanying photo illustration.) Wayne Pacelle, president and CEO of The Humane Society of the United States, blogged about the doggie's rights violation today:

Keeping true to her word that she wouldn't speak out again on the Iggy matter (a 48 Hours-style summation above courtesy of Access Hollywood) until the rescue was returned to what she deemed to be its rightful owners, Ellen DeGeneres opted to cancel today's taping entirely—a vivid indication of just how distraught she is over this national rat-dog tragedy.

Day three of IggyGate, the talk show host vs. pet rescuer clash that has divided a nation, brought a declaration of hope from distraught, Iggy-trafficking middlewoman Ellen DeGeneres. From the AP report:

Not since Britney Spears picked up a little London turd with a couture dress that wasn't her own has one Hollywood rat-dog caused such a firestorm. An Iggy round-up:
· Look, everyone! It's the adorable fleabag at the center of this mess! (Click it for a bigger Iggy.) [AccessHollywood]
· A terrorized Marina Baktis from Mutts & Moms explained that it was Portia de Rossi who signed the contract, and that there's no chance Iggy is going back to Ellen's hairdresser, where he might "be subjected to an unspeakably awful lesbian-shag hairdo." (OK—she might not have said that last part.) [AccessHollywood]
· Ruby, the tearful 12-year-old from whose arms Iggy was torn away after a "three-hour standoff in the family's backyard" speaks out: "I love Iggy and I just want him back." We all want a lot of things, kid, doesn't mean we get them: Now stick that in your empty doggie sweater and walk it around the block. [Inside Edition]

While most of us don't claim the luxury of a hit talk show with which to air out our grievances, Ellen DeGeneres does, and yesterday she used the pulpit of her celebrity-safe funzone to turn America against Mutts & Moms, an organization that seeks to place found dogs in good homes. Her blubbery, beyond awkward appeal begging for the return of Iggy (taken back to the shelter after the comedian pawned the dog off on a friend) has overloaded their website and resulted in multiple phoned-in death threats. And all this comes after the shelter refused to back down after DeGeneres unleashed her Michael Vick Academy-trained flack on them. From Page Six: