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When news broke yesterday that the moviegoers of this great nation of ours had voted Lindsay Lohan's dead-stripper turn in "I Know Who Killed (My Career)" as the single worst performance of Anno Domini 2007, our reaction was laced with both sadness and shock. Sadness because we all long for days when the frecklecrotched wonder's biggest problem was her slightly jiggly thighs, shock because we could think of no fewer than six and no greater than seven performances that were CLEARLY worse than Lindsay's. What follows, dear friends, is that list (in descending order, no less)!

7) Katie Holmes in New York City Marathon - No bra? No WAY! Whatever she's sellin', we're not buyin'.

6) Angelina Jolie in Beowulf - Digital bazooms aside, the choice to resurrect her dreadful Russian accent from Oliver Stone's Alexander made us cringe in all three dimensions.

5) Rachel Weisz in Fred Claus - Only a schlubby hack like David Dobkin would cast this impossibly fair-skinned Brit to play the role of a Chicago metermaid who falls hopelessly for the slovenly, unshaven older brother of Santa Claus.

4) Jessica Simpson in Blonde Ambition - Her rack got better support last year than this movie's theatrical release (opening weekend = $1,190)!

3) Jessica Alba in Fantastic Four 2 - We actually never got around to seeing this, but only a colorblind infant would buy those horrendous blue contacts!

2) Claire Danes' eyebrows in Stardust - Most distracting eyebrows since Simon Baker's in The Devil Wears Prada.
1) Ellen Degeneres in Iggygate - We believed her more when she pretended to be straight.