Keeping true to her word that she wouldn't speak out again on the Iggy matter (a 48 Hours-style summation above courtesy of Access Hollywood) until the rescue was returned to what she deemed to be its rightful owners, Ellen DeGeneres opted to cancel today's taping entirely—a vivid indication of just how distraught she is over this national rat-dog tragedy.

As increasingly nervous Warner TV execs eyeball their office flatscreens, scribbling themselves a Post-It to "remember to send that nutjob a gift basket from Bark N Bitches or something," representatives from the show offered the following statement: "Ellen is taking a long weekend and will be back with a new show on Tuesday." We realize that comes off a bit like the unhinged-talk-show-host equivalent of "Boomer's much happier living on a big farm now." We'll only start to become suspicious if she fails to return from her recovery-weekend, during which the comedian will have presumably marched into the North Shore ASPCA, announcing Year of the Dog-style, "I want them all."