♦ Angelina Jolie can be seen breastfeeding on the cover of the upcoming issue of W. Brad Pitt is the one who took the pics. He's also the one who convinced Angie to have kids of her own, she says. [NYDN, People]
♦ A judge denied Christie Brinkley's request for a temporary restraining order that would bar Peter Cook for seeing their kids this weekend. He did rule that Cook cannot "expose" them to his 20/20 interview. [People]
♦ Sarah Palin is set to appear on SNL on October 25th. [Cindy Adams]

While the Playboy Mansion has been emptying out for what feels like weeks, Hugh Hefner is only now getting around to acknowledging the recent bust-up with his beloved Holly Madison. And even considering the lithe 19-year-old twins he found to replace her, an interview yesterday reveals a guy whose "down in the dumps" demeanor reflects the corrosive, pajama-clad equivalent of an Ingmar Bergman drama."If Holly says it's over, I guess it's over," Hefner told the AP on Wednesday, adding that Madison is still living in the Mansion despite her recent confession that she's ready to settle down and start a family. Hef also acknowledged telling Madison six months ago that he wanted none of that, apparently triggering an internal crisis about which even he was unaware:

♦ Michael Phelps is telling people he's single even though he's actually dating Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson. [R&M]
♦ Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters airs on Friday, but Christie Brinkley's lawyers now say he violated a confidentiality agreement by speaking with the network. [OK!, ABC News]
♦ Hugh Hefner says his relationship with Holly Madison began to crumble six months ago when they found out his sperm count was too low to father any kids. Also, he's already auditioning new girlfriends. [E!]
♦ Anna Wintour's latest celebrity obsession? Gerard Butler. [P6]

Yesterday, Hugh Hefner's main bunny Holly Madison confirmed reports that she had escaped the Viagra-fueled fantasia that is the Playboy Mansion, and today brings the strongest rumors yet that Hef has chosen to replace Madison with a set of 19-year-old twins. According to Buzznet, their names are Kristina and Karissa Shannon, and a simple Google search turns up a modeling profile for the duo where they tease (in a grammatically suspect treatise to beat the band) that they will, indeed, be appearing on the next season of The Girls Next Door. The announcement in their own misspelled words (plus two more pictures that are a strand of black dental floss away from being totally NSFW), after the jump:

Today's wintry economic climate extends to all corners of the industry, including Hugh Hefner's stable of girlfriends, where the market had formerly held stable at a secure "three bunnies." Recently, though, Hef's harem has been rocked by rumors of infidelity, shaking our faith in polygamous monogamy to the very core. Now, Hef's main girl next door Holly Madison — recently linked to oily magician Criss Angel — has confirmed the split rumors that Hefner himself had been denying. Says Us:

♦ David Duchovny has left the rehab facility where he's spent the last few weeks receiving treatment for sex addiction. He's now in NYC with wife Tea Leoni. [Us]
♦ Brangelina has left town. The family was spotted walking around New Orleans yesterday. [E!]
♦ Madonna made fun of Sarah Palin at her concert at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. [P6]
♦ Clint Eastwood might think Sarah Palin would make a good VP, although he didn't actually say it in so many words. [P6]
♦ Break out the tissues: Holly Madison says she and Hugh Hefner are no longer together. [TMZ]

Remember yesterday when we told you Hugh Hefner’s pimp hand was weakening because two of his Girls Next Door were seeing other dudes while only Bridget Marquardt remained loyal? Well, scratch that last part. Apparently Bridget is seeing another dude too. We know she’s already married, but she’s been married ever since she started “dating” Hef, so that’s not the problem. What is a problem is that the New York Post says Bridget’s been “getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei's ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they 'hang out' whenever she can escape the mansion.” Damn, is Hugh Hefner gonna have to choke a bitch? [New York Post]

• Star magazine claimed Lindsay Lohan quit Alcoholics Anonymous an has been drinking, doing cocaine and cutting herself as her life spirals out of control. Lohan already called the story "ridiculous" and slammed Star's track record in a pre-emptive MySpace strike Friday.

Normally when hot chicks stop being attracted to an 82-year-old man, it’s not newsworthy—like reporting on the fact that Clay Aiken is gay. But when that man happens to be Hugh Hefner, it’s time to investigate. Yesterday we told you that Criss Angel was dating Holly Madison, Hef’s number one Girl Next Door. And today, the New York Post is reporting that Kendra Wilkinson has been hooking up with football player Hank Baskett. Only Bridget Marquardt has remained loyal to Hef. Well, as loyal as one can be while being married to some guy from Ohio!?! Great Caesar's ghost, what in the name of Barbi Benton's breasts is going on at the Playboy Mansion these days?Is it possible that Hef is losing his mojo? That women find his wrinkly skin and thinning hair unattractive? That they enjoy the company of a man who doesn’t always feel the need to wear a smoking jacket? Surely these girls aren’t just pretending to like Hef as a publicity stunt while they build up their careers with reality shows and magazine appearances. That would be unconscionable. It’s a sad day in Holmby Hills when a man can’t find true love and happiness with three blond women less than half his age. But does that mean its time for Hef to stop having sex and start drinking prune juice and watching Matlock? Nah. There’s probably an 18-year-old fresh off the bus from Iowa swimming in the Grotto right now. And as long as Hef has Viagra coursing through his veins, he will make her his new girl next door. [Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Angelina Jolie supposedly threatened to leave Brad Pitt because he was never home at their filthy French chateau with the six kids. God knows why. [Sun]

♦ You probably heard the news yesterday that Clay Aiken is coming out of the closet. We thought we'd remind you again since you're undoubtedly still in a state of shock and disbelief. [P6, People]
♦ Anna Wintour took the trash out of her West Village townhouse wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt, and slippers. [R&M]
♦ Olivia Palermo's role in Whitney Port's new Hills spinoff will earn her $12,000 an episode. [P6]
♦ In response to her father's recent rants, Lindsay Lohan says her dad is out of line and "obviously needs to be on medication to control his moods." [P6]
♦ Jude Law was spotted with protestors outside the UN this week, although he was acting like "more of an observer than a protestor." [MSNBC]

As you may have heard, there's some drama brewing in the hills — the Holmby Hills, that is — where veritable antique Hugh Hefner has been holed up in the Playboy mansion with his three The Girls Next Door girlfriends, including reigning hottie Holly Madison. But Holly, who has been Hef's number one squeeze for the past seven years, is finally fed up with Hef - who, unlike all other straight men in Los Angeles, doesn't share Holly's dreams of wedded bliss and babies galore. Shit, she has a better chance of getting preggers swimming in the Grotto than in bed with Hef! Anyway, since domesticated life isn't in the cards, Holly's been cozying up with magician Criss Angel in Vegas - where, true to form, nothing has stayed a secret. Now Hef is threatening that Holly's days of free hair extensions and unlimited edible underwear may be numbered.Clearly, Criss Angel — who has always scored a ridiculous amount of tail for someone who wears guyliner — is one to fawn over. He's got way more going for him than Hef: sperm count, lots of cool tats, and most importantly: magic. But Holly still isn't copping up to her tricks, even after photos surfaced last week of the two canoodling in Sin City. Yesterday on her MySpace, where she suspiciously (guiltily?) lists the magician's A&E's show Mindfreak as her fave television show, she had this to say about her two-timing ways:

♦ In his new book, Alec Baldwin goes off on TMZ's Harvey Levin, and says that the fallout from his infamously leaked voicemail made him want to commit suicide. [R&M]
♦ Barbra Streisand sang four songs at an Obama fundraiser last night. Attendees included Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen. [Fox News]
♦ Anne Hathaway acted like a bit of a diva at an event in Toronto. She also smokes, which her publicist doesn't want you to know. [OK!, R&M]
♦ Sarah Palin's "secretive circle of stylists" dressed her in a $2,500 Valentino jacket for her big speech at the Republican convention. [P6]
♦ Bad news: Hugh Hefner says all three of the Girls Next Door are getting spinoffs. [E!]
♦ Even worse news: Heidi Montag and her sister Holly are "developing a top-secret project" together. [LAT]

Twice this week, a man has driven his car into the gates of Hugh Hefner's estate—more commonly known as the Playboy Mansion—in Holmby Hills. The LAPD is not being forthcoming with details, saying only it has something to do with an "ongoing dispute." We've rounded up the possible suspects after the jump:Jason Statham: He was escorted recently by five security guards off the property after he refused to pose for pictures at the Midsummer's Night Dream Party. The last thing anyone heard him say was, "I'll be back to bulldoze the Grotto, you wankers!" Ben Affleck: New to the neighborhood, he could have easily flown into a rage when Girl Next Door Bridget Marquardt rang their doorbell to ask Jennifer Garner if she could "spare a cub of lube." Pauly Shore: Just 'cause. Hector Jimenez: Disgruntled groundskeeper. Anna Faris in a moustache disguise: Because she is starring in a movie about a Playboy Bunny, and this is tangentially related and therefore humorous. Also, she's a notorious road-rager. Feel free to add more to the lineup in the comments, you Encyclopedia Browns and Nancy Drews, you!

While there is very little dignity in being one of three girls repeatedly porked by a doddering 82 year old, The Girls Next Door have managed to do quite well for themselves. Not only do they have a certified hit television show on their hands (Season Five on its way!), but Holly, Kendra and Bridget have also made appearances on Entourage, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Scary Movie 4 (not to mention Kendra's recent appearance on the front page of the Wall Street Journal). Despite all of their career successes, it seems that the girls are chomping at the bit for a chance to stretch their acting muscles more than most of their extended cameos call for.For instance, this week's episode begins with the girls gathering together for an impromptu table read of the script for House Bunny, the soon-to-be-released Anna Faris vehicle. After pouring through the script, not only do they find out that their appearance is limited to a single page (Page 78, if you must know), but they also bemoan the fact that they've been reduced to bantering about such silly topics as whipped cream drenched pillow fights. Don't worry, ladies; when Brett Ratner finally decides to get onboard with the project he was born to direct, there'll be plenty of time to sleep your way into a role playing someone other than yourself (so long as it's still a Bunny).

Slightly late to the game of fond remembrances of the late William F. Buckley, Jr. is Fox News correspondent James Rosen's essay on how the founding editor of National Review was a frequent contributor to Playboy. Many of the details Rosen digs up about this sideline beat, so to speak, are fun, but the association isn't quite as counterintuitive or shocking as he'd like to think it is. "Yes, in a union difficult to imagine involving any of today's leading conservatives...the bard of East 73rd Street wrote for Hugh Hefner's oft-vilified Playboy, on and off, for almost four decades, on topics ranging from 'the Negro male' and Nikita Khrushchev to Oprah Winfrey, the Internet, and Y2K." That's a poor use of the word "bard," and also an impaired judgment. P.J. O'Rourke and Christopher Buckley have both written for Playboy and they're "leading conservatives," if not shrieking TV banshees like Ann Coulter. But even back in 1963, when Buckley the Elder made his debut in a transcribed debate he'd had with Norman Mailer, the byline and the magazine were actually rather suited to each other in a strange aesthetic way.

In the grainy land of reality show famewhoring, sometimes a pair of boobs will come together and a cable miracle is born. And that’s exactly what happened last night when we saw our maternal icon, Dina Lohan, meet our paternal icon, Hugh Hefner. On the latest edition of television’s most reliable guide to parenting, Dina taught us some highly unique strategies in order to effectively downsize your son’s balls, fake your way to the fountain of youth via Me-Time, and prove to your tweenage daughter just how insanely awesome and superior you are by making her choose between “Mr. Hot” and a career in music best left for those with actual talent. The newest lessons learned from Living Lohan, below:

Service With a Smile: More than a little blandness was bound to result from any overlap of Playboy and The Olive Garden, an illegitimate union no one (least of all us) quite saw coming. But then Kendra Wilkinson dragged her leftover fettucine alfredo to the Playboy Mansion in a porn-y April plea to servers nationwide: Send in your pictures, ladies, and you could be chosen as one of Playboy's Girls of Olive Garden! We have no idea if any of the women featured in the resultant Web pictorial are actual waitresses at the nation's least-convincing Italian chain eatery, but just in case: Let's all salute "Amy," the pride of the OG in Arcadia, having reached the pinnacles of both the local food service industry and international Web smut in less than three months. And to think we never believed that the Olive Garden's Culinary Institute could take a girl places. We're kind of happy to be wrong, though. [Playboy via Goldenfiddlr]

• It's two days since Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt were welcomed into the world by Brad and Angelina and it's been just as low-key as everyone expected. The mayor of Nice, Christian Estrosi, signed the birth certificate at a press conference; now the discussion has turned to pics of the babies, which are expected to fetch $15 to $20 million. [People, NYDN]

"I don't want to die. I love what I'm doing," said Viacom chief Sumner Redstone on CNBC yesterday. My, what a positive and also extremely sad quote! Coming from an old, old man like Redstone, it's more of a last-ditch prayer to Father Time than a peppy statement of on-the-job satisfaction. After the jump, a complete guide to the top five elderly figures in media moguldom. They're a cast that could end up having spent decades in power—probably because the younger counterparts who should be overtaking them decided to go into the tech industry on the West Coast instead (except Nick Denton). May these old men all live, um, a lot longer: