Two months ago, the University of California San Diego exploded in racial uproar over a Ha-Ha frat boy "Compton Cookout" party, that made fun of the funny black people in Compton. Result: Compton people are now coming to UCSD. D'oh.

A new study of future math teachers around the world gave Americans a grade of "C" when it comes to being smart in math, by math teacher standards. Which is just fine. Until you see who beat us.

Here in America, it's a well-known fact that grad school is just a last resort to wait out the recession while getting into crippling debt. Unaware of this, our enemies are trying to get themselves into these thoroughly useless institutions.

A sad day in the history of free love: Yale has formally banned faculty members from having sex with undergrads. Well, what the fuck is the point of teaching at Yale now? "Harold Bloom joke." [Typical Yale pic via]

It would scarcely be an exaggeration to say that nothing is more pleasing to us than a clumsily-handled college newspaper date rape column controversy. It has everything: Idiot college misogyny! Strident college anti-misogyny! Overly-serious college journalists! And (theoretical) sexxx!

Usually I'm not that cool with the poleezy. They're always confiscating my extensive bong collection, harassing me for driving on the sidewalk, and not allowing me to keep four wives. But this arrest of a disruptive student is justified.

The following email was sent out to the Columbia Journalism School new media alumni email list today. We post it not to mock the unfortunate sender, but rather to gently question just how well they're teaching "new media," over there.

A janitor at Ohio State University was told that he'd be getting laid off. This morning, he shot two of his supervisors, killing one. Then he killed himself. Since no students were hurt, this incident will be quickly forgotten. [LAT]

Rejoice, Americans in favor of education: business school grads are having an easier time finding investment banking jobs now. USA education reform= done! The other half of this plan is that regular (non-business) school kids now have 20% less school.

Are college kids in San Diego particularly racist, or just, perhaps, particularly dumb? Monday, a "KKK-style hood" was found "atop a Dr. Seuss statue" on campus, naturally. Allow us to briefly recap sunny UCSD's recent reign of racial hullabaloo:

A new survey shows that more Americans than ever believe colleges care about money far more than they care about giving students a quality education. In other news, eight US states are now planning to send kids straight to college after 10th grade. College: out of reach, but worthless.

Disturbing trend: Non-rich kids are being allowed to get college credit while still in high school—an activity previously reserved for hoity-toits in AP classes. Wealthies, if it's any consolation, at least the poors aren't getting anything of value. [NYT]

In your musk-scented Monday media column: A use found for print media, the Harper's editor firing saga continues, small stakes mean big arguments in journalism academia, and Howell Raines returns.

Desperate colleges are now sending out applications with the info all filled in—all you do is sign! No essay or application fee required! This way they guarantee themselves first crack at America's laziest illiterates who can pay tuition. [NYT]

Last week, Forbes columnist and NYU professor Tunku Varadarajan won our Outrage-off for his column about crazy Muslim murderers lurking amongst us. NYU radicals have struck back with a revolutionary pie-ing of Varadarajan's Islamaphobic allies!

Thanks to the recession-era glut of job-seekers, Starbucks barista jobs now require a postgraduate degree. But you shouldn't worry about that, because you can no longer even get into community college.

It took a punch to the face to make newspapers edgy again. Could a drunken punch to the face (of a woman), after an argument about racism, make the Ivy League edgy, too? One Columbia prof is testing that theory!

God damn teenagers: they're going to (community) college in record numbers. Also they're finishing high school in record numbers, because why not?

The Way We Live Now: Counterintuitively. The recession is discombobulating your normal expectations. Prices for worthless schools go up. Lawyers turn to pimps. Everybody wants to be abused. Dildos are not what they seem!

Campus shrinks say a record number of college students are seeking treatment for mental health issues and that their problems are more severe than ever. Are the kids alright?