This has me in stitches. Maybe it's the dramatic music, or the faux "Courage!" message, or the fact that all of these girls repeatedly run into/fall over each hurdle while competing, but—whatever it is—you need to watch immediately.

Sidwell Friends—the elite Washington, D.C., private school that the Obama girls attend—has a terrible football team. And when the Washington City Paper pointed that out, a hilariously entitled barrage of outraged comments from unathletic rich kids ensued.

How great is oral sex? So great that it increases the likelihood that teens who engage in it will have vaginal sex as well. This means oral sex is the marijuana of sex: A gateway to the good stuff.

Teaching high school math for 17 years finally caught up with Donald Wood. Yesterday, the Tennessee teacher lost his mind during class and started throwing chairs and desks across the room. Wood was cuffed and removed from school grounds.

Now that conservative prankster James O'Keefe is back in the news after failing to seduce a CNN anchor on his boat, let's show CNN's Abbie Boudreau what she missed! Here are a couple of O'Keefe's studly high school yearbook photos.

Failed Christian rock singer and current national embarrassment Katy Perry was performing at her old Santa Barbara high school on Tuesday when she spotted a former crush in the audience. She decided then to dedicate her worst song to him.

By accident! Don't get all freaked out. It was an accident! The Easton, PA high school put the Hitler quote "And in the last analysis, success is what matters" in its 2010 yearbook, not noticing that it was a Hitlerism.

[Glenn Beck's wonderful 1981 (right) and 1982 (left) high school yearbook photos have emerged. Apparently he didn't start brooding quite so much until 1982. AP images via Huffington Post]

Constance McMillen, the Mississippi teen who scared her school into canceling the prom because she wanted to bring her girlfriend, accepted $35,000 from the school district to settle a discrimination lawsuit. She'll use the money for college tuition. [AP]

The Times today explores the trend of high schools naming more than one person—as many as ten!—their Valedictorian. Some people are worried that this might dilute the honor of being named high school valedictorian, which is akin to worrying that water might dilute the bottle of urine someone is forcing you to drink.

In the futuristic year of Twenty Aught Ten, what is it that high school students want? Haunting new evidence confirms: they want to tap that.

The President, speaking at Kalamazoo Central High's graduation yesterday, tried for a JFK "ask not" speech about civic duty and being a good American and all that. It was pretty good. But one kid could barely stay awake. Video!

Oh, gross. Students at a Pennsylvania high school are pioneering a new dance move called "the amoeba" which involves all the kids gathering in a cluster and... it involves "bodily fluids". These kids and their MTV/hardcore pornography!

"Sack tapping" is the new painful craze sweeping the nation's teen boys. That is: punching each other in the balls. One child had his right ball amputated because he was punched so hard in it. Prepare to wince.

Today we looked at quaint little teenage werewolves and all kind of sighed/chuckled to ourselves. And some of you commenters shared a few of your high school weirdo memories with us.

Sarah Palin, America's squeakiest wheel, took a bold public stand against tolerance yesterday, berating a group of high school girls for refusing to patronize the Great White State of Arizona. Sarah Palin vows to fight anyone who disagrees with racism.

First the state was pulling the ol' Fake Prom grift on Constance McMillen, and now it's removing a butch-ish lesbian from her high school yearbook, entirely. That's what happened to Ceara Sturgis of Hazlehurst, MS, anyway.

You can vote for a high school and Barack Obama will deliver a commencement speech there. Here are the choices:

Today we took at look at how overprotective parents are ruining prom, prompting many of you to reminisce about your own prom experiences, be they drunken or sober. Here are some of our favorites.

Disgusting lesbians aren't the only things ruining prom these days. Stupid school administrators and awful parents are also doing the rite of passage a great disservice. The latest trend is scheduling the dances on school nights, to curb after-partying.