Last year up at Harvard, it was the managing editor of the Harvard Crimson who newspapered so hard that he forgot to go to study and then had to leave campus. Second verse, same as the first! Earlier this week, '08 Drew Trombly was notified he'd have to step down as the paper's Editorial Chair for academic reasons. In an email circulated last night, the young academic no-goer said he'd be leaving Cambridge first thing this morning.

Often while we're reading Times boutique critic Alex Kuczynski we worry that something unfortunate might happen to her, depriving us of her genius. Who, we wonder, will fill her boots when she's gone? A quick check in with Harvard's Crimson reassured us that there's a new generation of Special K's out there, particularly one Rebecca M. Harrington, who takes issue with American Apparel. It's an amazing piece of work.

A reader alerted us to this delightful video of yarmulked Observer owner Jared Kushner delivering a speech at the dedication of a new Chabad building at Harvard. (For the non-Jews in the room, Chabad tries to bring non-observant Jews back into the fold, mostly with free food.) In addition to Jared's charming haute-New Jersey accent, he also delivers this gem:

Daryl Cagle takes to his blog to defend Kathleen E. Breeden, the Harvard student accused of plagiarizing his cartoons. Cagle refers to the Yahtzee ("a term I coined to refer to times when five or more cartoonists draw the same gag at the same time") and says the fault is not with Breeden, but with editors:

At left, a cartoon published on October 12 by Newday's Walt Handelsman; at right, a cartoon published in the Harvard Crimson by Kathleen E. Breeden on October 25. As the Crimson reports, there's a "noticeable similarity" between the two. "Further review of other cartoons drawn by Breeden has yielded three other examples of similarities among her work and editorial cartoons featured on Daryl Cagle's Professional Cartoonists Index, a Web site that lists and organizes editorial cartoons from around the world." This incident follows the suspension of a column by the Crimson'sVictoria B. Ilyinsky after Ilyinsky was found to have ripped off material from Slate. There's an easy Kaavya Viswanathan joke here, but at least Kaavya plagiarized from an actual book; stealing stuff from the Internet seems so much more lazy. What are the odds that both these girls' claimed to "build large suspension bridges in my yard" in their admission essays?

Yesterday we linked to IvyGate's report on the launch party for swanky new Harvard mag 02138. Being Ivy Leaguers themselves, they reported that the event had its moments of absurdity but, overall, was decent, drunken fun. The Observer's account, however, makes us wonder if anything held in a room full of Harvard alums could actually be tolerable:

Last night was the launch party for 02138, the glossy new Harvard magazine that's not specifically for alums but will only be read with any regularity by alums. The lovable snots over at IvyGate were in attendance and report that not only was the party somewhat decent (save for the speech from the UVA-alum publisher), but the magazine's good too. As for A-list attendance, however:

The public-schooled plebs will no doubt be pressed against the exterior of the Core Club tonight, pathetically trying to feel the magic emanating from the most fabulous event since last week — the launch party for 02138, the new Harvard glossy magazine not-officially-for-alums-but-really-for-alums. (The mag is apparently too hip for the Harvard Club — that, or they blew their financial wad on the magazine's "board of advisors," which includes the likes of Kurt Andersen and Steve Brill.) As mentioned last week, the first issue features the Harvard 100, a list of influential alumni. Included in this much-needed ranking of underrecognized and humble grads individuals:

From the media kit for 02138, Harvard's incredibly funded, independent alumni magazine:

Last Thursday 02138 - the independent magazine about Harvard alumni - carried and essay from Julie Buxbaum, a Harvard Law grad who threw it all away to pursue literature:

• After her recently fired flack Rob Shuter planted less-than-true items about her non-relationship with John Mayer, Jessica Simpson goes on serious damage control, placing personal phone calls to the celebrity weekly editor posse and apologizing for making everyone look like dumbasses. People editor Larry Hackett, however, didn't take the call. Time Inc. is a very "talk to the hand" kind of place. [Radar]
• Alas, the court documents pertaining to the separation of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown aren't half as interesting as their show (speaking of: if ever there were a time to bring that shit back, it'd be now). And lest you forget, there's actually a 13-year-old daughter involved here, who's probably been wandering the streets for months. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Roger Friedman fondly remembers the days of "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." [Fox411]
• The death of Anna Nicole Smith's son is being deemed "suspicious;" Smith herself didn't remember what happened, having gone into shock. [Reuters]
• Harvard likes its money, and the school doesn't care where it came from. Thus they won't be giving back alleged hebephile Jeffrey Epstein's $6.5 million donation. You know how it goes: as long as the dollar bills aren't sticky... [Page Six]
• Crazy old coot Dr. Laura believes that "women act like unpaid whores," and she's right. Get paid, bitches! Don't do that GGW crap for free! [Page Six]

As summer turns to fall and annoying children are removed from the streets and properly corralled into their educational stables, we turn our thoughts to those storied Ivy institutions where said beastchildren will inevitably enroll. So, Harvard — 'sup with junior Kaavya Viswanathan? After her overhyped debut, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life was revealed to contain quite a few instances of shameless plagiarism, she left campus and spent her summer interning for 85 Broads, an organization that sent her to Africa where no one knew of her shame. But now it's back to school for Kaavya — how's life back on campus? Is she keeping busy? From Harvard Magazine:

IvyLeak brings news of the feverishly-anticipated (at least by Harvard grads) 02138, the independent alumni mag backed by Atlantic owner David Bradley: Apparently, its logo pays homage to Cornell, which we're hearing rumors might also be an Ivy.

Larry Ellison recently told a reporter, "I think after a certain amount, I'm going to give almost everything I have to charity because what else can you do with it?" For the Oracle CEO, "everything" means over $18 billion. "What else can you do with it" means:

Larry Ellison released a messenger falcon from his castle turrets to officially announce why he stiffed Harvard for a promised $115 million donation. Without Harvard prez Larry Summers on board, Ellison's minions said, he just didn't feel the gift was right.

• Apple's iPod maker says the sweatshop story isn't true, and they've vaguely threatened a lawsuit over the claim, made by the UK's Daily Mail. Can we resolve this peacefully so the slaves can crank out more toys? [Apple Insider]

Oracle's high-rolling CEO may not actually be the Almighty, but he's pulled off a miraculous deal with his latest lawsuit settlement.

Speaking of "sensitive rockers," on June 8, as you may have heard, Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo finally finished his coursework and graduated from Harvard. Ten days later, as you also may have heard, he married his girlfried, Kyoko Ito, in Malibu, Calif. In honor of both these simchas, we're happy to present an artifact that nicely combines the two. It's so much on our usual beat, but we've recently come into possession of an essay, titled "A Mad and Furious Master," Cuomo wrote for a Harvard English class in October 2004. It comes from a reliable and Cambridge-connected source who assures us of its provenance, and said source is exceedingly trustworthy on such matters. Want to read about the bespectacled singer's desire for a mate, his fondess for massage-parlor handjobs and internet porn, his self-imposed two years of celibacy, and the frequent wet dreams caused by said celibacy? Oh, it's all there. There's a sample after the jump, plus the whole thing as a Word file.

Today in rich people not helping poor people news, Larry Ellison stiffed Harvard for $115 million. Oh, Harvard's not poor, but the Ellison Institute for World Health — where the Oracle CEO's money was headed — probably would have made life a little easier for some of the little people.

Click to enlarge for full effect.