[An appropriately abstract reflection of a man photographing the upcoming "Picasso in the Metropolitan Museum of Art" exhibit at a preview today. Image via Getty]

[Bill Clinton on his wife Hillary's longevity should she be nominated as a justice on the Supreme Court. Image via Getty]

The worst part of being stranded at the airport due to an Icelandic volcano? It's not being trapped on the road or shut out of hotels. It's having no place to shower!

Reporter Joseph Curl of the sinking Washington Times is tackling the tough subjects, like why President Obama skipped the funeral of the late Polish president. Maybe it's because of the massive ash cloud preventing most European air travel?

In your comment-free Monday media column: Tracy Morgan sits at the fancy table, rumors of a departure from Vogue, the WSJ targets NYT advertisers, everyone wants student newspapers to shut up, and black reporters are disappearing fast.

You thought this whole Europe-blanketed-in-volcanic-ash thing was bad? Wait until the New York's doormen go on strike and the Upper East Side descends into madness, which will take place at midnight on April 21 unless a contract is signed.

If you thought that being a celebrity meant you were given some kind of gold-plated volcano-proof airplane, well boy, were you wrong. While Eyjafjallajokull traps little people in Europe's hellish social democracies, Whitney Houston is being burdened, too!

In an effort to help readers get more of the vital "cat shit" food group, the Times profiles "civet coffee" producers, who make the world's best brew by combing through the dung of the catlike civet for fermented coffee beans.

[The American Museum of Natural History got made up like a sub-aquatic Studio 54 last night for its annual Museum Dance fundraiser. Image via Getty]

Since all the real power gays refused to be on the show Logo's "gay housewives" project got the one guy who wouldn't say no: professional arm candy and reality TV vet Reichen Lehmkuhl.

In the fastest arc in tabloid news history, Larry King and his wife Shawn Southwick, who just filed for divorce two days ago, are supposedly on the mend and considering counseling. What is going on? Is this a ratings stunt?

Here's a funny/sad profile of Melania Trump, the Donald's third wife who is launching a QVC costume jewelry line. While her step-daughter Ivanka has a high-end luxury jewelry line, Melania's designs are decidedly downmarket. They're for the people, y'know. [NYT]

Dozens of minor celebrities are currently crisscrossing the country to collect piles of cash for nightclub appearances. Snooki gets $10,000. Kim Kardashian is yours for $50,000. But why do promoters pay? They tell us they have no choice.

Larry King plans to fight his wife in court. Charlie Sheen's wife moves out. Kiefer Sutherland is ejected from a strip club. Kim Kardashian has a new boyfriend. Ricky Martin may make a porn. Friday's gossip readies for date night.

It's like the last decade-and-a-half didn't happen! After a fierce back-and-forth between people with lots of money, The Brothers Weinstein—financed by Billionaire Ron Burkle—have bought back the storied Miramax name and catalog.

Yes! Is it dementia or just plain old-fashioned stupidity? He's reportedly worth $144 million and California law says a spouse is entitled to half of the wealth accumulated during marriage. Shawn Southwick is laughing all the way to the bank.

In the matter of "Paul Krugman vs. Andrew Ross Sorkin: Who Is Right and Who Is a Liar Jerk?" New York Times public editor Clark Hoyt has finally stepped in. And somebody's lying to him, too.

This week we brought you excerpts from the gossipy new Oprah biography by Kitty Kelley. Today we heard from an ex-Harpo staffer who shared with us all sorts of juicy details about what life's like working for the daytime diva.

Message from the economists at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York: although the recession is mostly over here in New York, our economy won't recover until Wall Street starts hiring again. So fuck everyone except Wall Street, as usual.

As we prepare ourselves for the excitement of Eliot Spitzer's return, we should remind ourselves what the onetime governor of New York stood for: accountability, responsibility, and banging three different hookers in a single day.