Huzzah! America's Deadbeat Older Brother, the United Kingdom, is holding an election for Best Wizard! Or Prime Minister, or something. Who are the "Party Leaders" who might lead the UK? Is one of them Ringo? We know who Ringo is.

What are church ladies complaining about these days? According to the American Library Association's list of "most challenged" books, 2009's top offenders were nude instant-messaging, sexy vampires, gay penguins, and Boo Radley. How literary!

Today we looked at a rather insane new immigration law that was just enacted in Arizona, that terrible state of gaping hell fissures and mysterious brown people. A local Phoenician (heh) weighed in on the whole mess.

[Gay porn star Owen Hawk discussing adult entertainment actress Stormy Daniels, who may or may not run for Senate from her home state of Louisiana. Image via Getty]

CNN's Larry King, 76, is pulling the plug on his marriage to Shawn Southwick, 50. They were married in 1997 and have two sons together. King now has more divorces than he does viewers in the 18-34 demographic. [Getty]

Yesterday we shared a bunch of excerpts from Kitty Kelley's gossipy new Oprah biography. Today: Another batch of potentially scandalous snippets from the book, provided you're willing to believe a 68-year-old woman who still goes by "Kitty."

In your woofin' Wednesday media column: Arianna Huffington's allotment of celebrity seats at the White House Correspondents Dinner is the greatest issue facing journalism in America, the National Enquirer was stiffed, BusinessWeek is clueless, and an alt-weekly loses.

CBS's Undercover Boss, in which a corporate CEO is beatified for doing normal jobs for a few days, is this season's hottest advertainment hit. Now, the show is reportedly coming to Wall Street. Glorious! We can already imagine it...

Adam Robinson is an Oxford-educated chess master and co-founder of the Princeton Review. His ex-girlfriend is a "psychic to the stars." Who do you guess is suing whom, for cleverly stealing all the money?

Thought tickling someone "till he couldn't breathe" was weird? Turns out Eric Massa had to be removed from a DC bar when he wouldn't stop making "inappropriate comments." Oh, and he hit on the bartender at a marine's funeral. Salty!

It's on: Andrew "Raw Ross" Sorkin released his "Hit 'Em Up" after public humiliation at the hands of Paul "Thugman" Krugman. Sorkin's response gets beef points for snidely calling Paulie K. "Professor Krugman," but loses some for being wrong.

Celebrity profiler Kitty Kelley's unauthorized Oprah biography was released today. But who has time to sit down and read a 544-page book? We spent the afternoon going through the exhaustive tell-all to bring you the juiciest bits.

If you're old, pregnant, under the age of 20, or regularly sleep deprived/drunk, you may not want to buy a 3D TV. At least that's what the manufacturers of these sets are now warning consumers. Is 3D-TV the new Olestra?

In an interview in Details, openly gay singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright says that he knows that 50 Cent is gay. How? Because Mr. Cent has a funny voice and Rufus wants him. Yeah, that's some very sound logic there.

A pair of drunk Republican eye-doctors were seated near Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) on a flight from Los Angeles to Boston, and they harassed the poor man until his partner stood up to call them bitches, which they probably were.

In your tense Tuesday media column: Paul Krugman vs. Andrew Ross Sorkin, Arianna pontificates, the NYT redesigns a section, and Teddy Koppel has something to say, about news!

From the New York Post's celeb photos today: "Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon meet with groups working to fight child slavery in Port Au Prince, Haiti." Noble! Now let's go to the original version of that photo.

The legendary actress is refuting last week's rumor that she recently got engaged for the ninth time. And she's doing it the way all good rumors are dispelled these days: on Twitter.

Eric Schmidt runs the biggest single blog network in the world, which makes it all the more bizarre that the Google CEO was insulting bloggers at a newspaper conference today. Was it something we said, Eric?

Jesse James was flirting with girls electronically behind Sandra's back, of course. Mario Lopez is obsessed with his body. Paris Hilton and her BF broke up while Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne got together. Monday's gossip has separation anxiety.