On part one of Idol Hollywood Week, hopeful after hopeful took to the Kodak Theatre stage for what Simon Cowell described without a shred of facetiousness as "the most important day of your lives."

· Just for the record: David Poland is completely above suggesting what he's clearly suggesting about Gus Van Sant and Dustin Lance Black. Got it?
· Warning: Oscar surprises ahead, which may or may not include Jack Palance's disinterred corpse doing hydraulics-assisted push-ups.
· It's the Christian Bale And I Are Done Professionally T-shirt. Get 'em while they're hot.
· Fox gets edgy with its promos: Check out their vintage grindhouse-style double-feature spot for Terminator and Dollhouse. We've never been more excited to El Fuego Our Fridays!

Great news: former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's publicist just sent out his client's media schedule for tomorrow! He will be everywhere!

Watching the cable news, one might get the impression that Republicans aren't a completely powerless minority party. They're still opinionating like it's 2004 out there!

Two days after the Slum Interview Heard Round the World forced a detour upon Fox Searchlight's Oscar express, at least one other Best Picture hopeful is making its own swift move for the win.

We're still not sure if what we saw in the Salt Lake judging room was an actual 250-lb., adorable pink Easter Beary or rather some barbiturate-induced Paula Abdul hallucination, but whatever it was—we're in love.

As we predicted last month, Fox has stepped up to take the reins of the Narnia franchise steered into a costly anthropomorphic wall by Disney. Here's the scoop from Variety (including what they got wrong):

The Scientologist who voices Bart Simpson used the character in robo-calls promoting a Los Angeles-area cult event. Simpsons creator Fox could not have been pleased.

· In an interesting Fox crossover last night, Fringe subjected some poor kid to a clip of Paula Abdul and Kara DioGuardi making out just minutes before. Needless to say, it instantly liquefied his brains.

The American Idol taco truck pulled into Jacksonville last night, where aspirant Darren Darnell—a radioactive people person with a seemingly bottomless bag of party tricks—nominated himself holding tank spirit-squad leader.

The Inauguration of Barack Obama is on every channel in the world, but there is a problem: nothing will "happen" for another hour or so! So which channel should you watch to kill time until change comes?

The superstudio showdown that pit Fox against Warners over a long-forgotten Watchmen rights claim discovered behind a potted ficus by an after-hours cleaning woman (who's since been upped VP Business Affairs) is finally over!

In the penultimate episode of their Watchmen soap opera, lawyers for Fox and Warner Bros. have filed a motion of settlement that will resolve the film's ongoing rights battle Friday morning.

Part two of American Idol's premiere moved the circus to Kansas City, keeping frequent contestant tackle-dummy Ryan Seacrest far from the threat of any icky bikini girl-germs.

American Idol will come under scrutiny in the weeks to come, as one former, batty contestant—that sweet crazy-candy that gets viewers hooked from the start—tragically took her own life outside Paula's home during Hollywood Week.

Last night, a karaoke leviathan reemerged from the depths of the Pacific to terrorize the TV landscape, its destructive appetite unsated until a virginal white-soul prodigy (preferably Mormon) is sacrificed at its easy-listening feet.

Blago's on TV now. His defense: the House has been trying to impeach him for years! Since day one! Oh man Shep Smith is literally talking over him and mocking him. Update: Hey, video!

This could either be the most annoying thing on television or it could be the most annoying and hilarious thing on television: Al Sharpton is your Colmes-for-a-Day!

· Wow. If Bubba can do that to a burrito, just imagine how quickly he could wolf down an abandoned newborn. This mutt's got a future at CAA. [via BoingBoing]

Liberal abuse-target Alan Colmes stopped by the Comic Strip holiday party last night and apparently just stood, grinning, directly below his '80s standup headshot(?!), in the lobby, for hours. Merry Christmas. [The Comic's Comic]