Observer food critic Joshua David Stein goes undercover to review a New York City public school lunch and declares the Texas Chicken Chili "Not bad at all."

So you bought an Olive Garden Never Ending Pasta Pass. We understand, and there's no reason to be embarrassed. The prospect of all those noodles—all that oil, all that sauce—was too tempting, but now, after a period of sober reflection, you realize you've made a mistake. Unfortunately for you, there's no turning back.

In a landmark effort to have you put down the Ruby Tuesday's menu and start thinking about Olive Garden for just a second please, Olive Garden announced the Never Ending Pasta Pass today. For just $100, you get seven weeks of unlimited pasta, breadsticks, salad, soda, and other things that are served at Olive Garden.

Pretty much everyone likes almonds because they taste good and they're pretty healthy for your body. If someone wants to talk trash about almonds just to look cool? Get a life!!

For food-like dining chain McDonald's, young people—who have not yet had time to develop a discriminating palate—have always been their "bread and butter." No longer. What's wrong, millennials? Have you lost your bad taste?

Burger King is quietly phasing out its lower-calorie "Satisfries" after less than a year, because—let's face it—this is America.

Americans don't trust anything they can't see with their own two eyes, except for government assurances of nefarious activities by strategically hated foreign enemies. That's why see-thru packaging is now "a must" for all American garbage foodstuffs.

Fried chicken. Fried fish. Fried potatoes. Fried vegetables. Fried dough. All popular staples of the American diet. Hey guys, one question: why no fried fruit?

The Safeway on Georgia Ave. and Randolph was a disaster. Rotten meat regularly rested on refrigerated shelves and the stench spilled into the parking lot. Several floor tiles were broken or missing altogether. Produce was wilted or soft on good days and spoiled or moldy on bad days. Shopping carts were often broken down and covered in sticky grime.

Tarnation! Have you tried to buy bacon lately? ("No, I'm a vegetarian," you say... I WISH. Yeah right). Damn! That pig meat is expensive as all get out these days!

When you ask Americans what they look for in a tasty piece of USDA-certified chicken, they say, "Less government inspection of this chicken before I eat it." Today, the government has heard your voice, America.

Food product conglomerate Campbell's is having a shaky year selling food products, which the company blames on a "seismic shift" in how people eat. Campbell's solution: to grab onto every last trendy food trend and ride those babies till the wheels fall off.

National security wonks this week are wondering: Which U.S. spooks in Northern Virginia put out a classified ad seeking a chef with a Top Secret security clearance? Two things are known: The hiring agency runs the CIA's cafeteria, and CIA workers don't think much of their cafeteria.

"Pizza" is a popular type of restaurant. "Brunch" is a popular type of meal. For this reason, some pizza restaurants believe that they can serve brunch. Not true.

Cynthia Burch, a former water inspector for the city of Atlanta, would make sure your establishment gets a passing score—if you paid her in food. Well, Burch would never actually exactly "offer" this arrangement. Until she was fired, Burch used to promise restaurants that she would cause problems for them if they didn't give her free food.

A patron of a New York City Chop't restaurant—a "Creative Salad Company"—happened upon a disgusting dead rodent when chomping into his wrap on Tuesday. The wrap had been made by the Chop't location in the Financial District of Manhattan.

There was a time—after Sex and the City glorified Magnolia Bakery, and before carbs were universally considered poison—when cupcakes were gold. Today, as a cupcake chain closes its doors, we must ask: Is the golden age of cupcakes over?

Though famine still takes its toll on the unfortunates across the sea, the greatest nation in the world has transcended such concerns. Here, our Statue of Liberty's upraised torch beckons with the message: In America, our appetizers are endless.

After the annual Summer Fancy Food Show closed Tuesday at New York's Jacob Javits Convention Center, the leftovers were not to go to waste. Instead, the thousands of pounds of gourmet food were redistributed to food pantries in New York to be given to New York's nearly 60,000 homeless people.

Earlier this week, U.S. president Barack Obama defiled this nation's highest dessert office by asking whether White House pastry chef Bill Yosses "puts crack" in his delicious pie crusts. Now, Yosses is speaking out on his struggle for the very first time.