Yesterday, a federal judge overturned the state of California's ban on foie gras. Great news, for assholes.

If you hear lovers of delicious and nutritious yogurt exclaiming "Ding dong!" this morning, you may follow up by exclaiming "The witch is dead!" The king of inferior Greek yogurt has fallen from his curdled throne.

A new report in the Wall Street Journal explores the development that therapists and mental health professionals in clinics across America have been instituting cooking and baking classes as a means to help people who suffer with depression.

YOGURT DIP SCANDAL? Here are the bare facts:

A proper rite of passage when traveling through America's lavish airport system is pushing a hot, thick Cinnabon in your craw as you "run" pathetically to catch your flight. At times of desperation, like when the Burger King is out of BK Chicken Fries™ and an unripe banana™ simply won't do, Cinnabon is a jetsetter's best friend.

Everyone likes a little nutmeg in their pumpkin pie. Careful, though—not too much.

It is almost Thanksgiving time. You know what that means: cranberry sauce on your plate! Soon, Thanksgiving will be over. Then there's no more cranberry sauce on your plate. What's the reason for this treason?

The Food Bank for New York City says that demand for emergency food is higher this year, after food stamp cutbacks caused a loss of more than 54 million meals at a million households in the city.

Not until Monday night did it occur to me how badly I wanted to own a shirt that said SAVOR THE FLAVOR. On a free-standing garment rack, wedged between an apron, a black vinyl puffer vest, and several other shirts of sartorial insignificance, there was a bright-red women's v-neck t-shirt demanding that I put a premium on taste.

Earlier this week, ninety-year-old activist Arnold Abbott was issued a citation for distributing food to the homeless in violation of strict new rules in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. He warned that the law wouldn't stop him, and yesterday, he was busted for filling bellies yet again.

Put down that glass of milk right now! Don't be alarmed—try this. It's called yogurt. I think u gonna like it (and so will your health as well).

Tom Colicchio is a famous chef and TV personality. He is also an activist who advocates for healthier, saner government food policies. "Blah! Gah! Real Americans hate healthy, sane things!" sayeth the voice of the Real Americans.

The Wall Street Journal says McDonald's, a store that sells toxic food and pays the people who make said food just enough money to ensure permanent poverty, has a new advertising slogan: "Lovin' Beats Hatin'"—sure, man, OK, that sounds good, why not.

Americans, who—in general—are not scientists, or even very literate, are nevertheless convinced that they must eat "gluten-free" food in order to, uh, [something about health]. Spoiler: if you think this, you are probably wrong!

Gristle repurposing factory McDonald's saw its profit fall by 30% this quarter, with sales here in the USA continuing their weak streak. The problem? McDonald's thinks it's some kind of fancy restaurant now.

"You may abandon your own body, but you must preserve your honor." - Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings

It's fun to waste money, but literally burning it loses its thrill after a while. So, the New York Times is innovating: take second graders to one of the most expensive restaurants in Manhattan for a lavish, exorbitant meal they'll hate.

Despite being thrown out in a military coup in May, the Thai government is still working on an important initiative (no, not piecing the country back together): they will be unveiling a high-tech robot that tells you if the shitty Thai food you're eating is actually authentic cuisine or not.

A noodle vendor in the Shaanxi province of China has been detained after police discovered that he'd been lacing his noodles with powdered poppy, a move that kept his customers coming back for more.

If you are the hopeful, "never say die" sort of person who consumes artificial sweeteners in your diet in order to lower your sugar intake, allow me to inform you that you may have been accomplishing the opposite of what you wanted, all this time. Burn.