LINSANITY! is sweeping the nation, and you're still fairly certain that that's not even a word. That's OK; it's not, really. But every now and then, a figure from the sports world emerges, words are invented (remember Tebowing?), and the athlete in question very quickly becomes impossible to ignore—even for non sports fans. This month, the unavoidable sports guy is Jeremy Lin, a 23-year-old Harvard grad and NBA player.
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a look at the war on religion that President Obama is waging via his contraception plan. Colbert turned specific attention to the path toward tyranny that we, in Rick Santorum's view, are now on. It all ends with a guillotine and some very suggestive imagery.
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a look at the arguments various right wing types are floating against the idea that women should be serving at the front lines of our military. Rick Santorum is worried that female soldiers endanger missions as the male soldiers would have trouble seeing them in peril. Liz Trotta, a Fox News psycho, doesn't want women around because they're getting raped too much, which is obviously their fault. She actually said that.
Here we are six weeks into 2012, and we've barely even stopped to contemplate all of the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that pours forth from Northwestern University rap star and Tom Hanks scion Chet Haze. We will now remedy that. Below, a thorough review of all of Chet's wisdom shared on Twitter thus far this year. Absorb that shit.
He is Dan Kaufman, Dan Kay, Dan Katze. He is a celebrity chef, an internet entrepreneur, a television producer. He has worked for Apple, Google, AOL, the Rainbow Room. He hangs out with Steve Case, Gordon Ramsey, Tim Armstrong. He's a world-class surfer, a AAA baseball legend, the founder of a seminal punk band. He's one of the more persistent and obsessive grifters to ply the streets of New York City—not to mention online dating sites—in recent decades.
The Smoking Gun informs us that 18-year-old Taylor Burnham was found by Corpus Christi police officers in an alleyway, "naked except for a pair of cowboy boots." Once Burnham spotted the officers, she hopped into her getaway Jeep Wrangler, still naked, in a failed effort to elude Johnny Law. No dice, though, as she drove onto a sidewalk, came to a stop, and was soon apprehended and booked on numerous charges.
The new resident Gawker therapist, Anonymous, is a licensed therapist who treats many different patients, but specializes in teens and couples therapy. After many years in the field, Anonymous has lots of stories and insight to share. We'll be publishing some of them here. Today: a dose of relationship reality.
Food simulacra purveyor McDonald's has announced that it will "take actions" to "phase out" the use of gestational crates—tiny little pens for pregnant pigs that don't allow the pregnant pigs to turn around for four months, fucking them up in all sorts of ways—among the company's pork suppliers. "There are alternatives that we think are better for the welfare of sows," a McDonald's executive said in a statement that was probably a real chuckle for pregnant pigs. "I'll say!" said the tortured pigs with a good-natured laugh.
On tonight's Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen hosted Cougar Town Executive Producer David Arquette, who is quite the character. Within a half hour of slightly unhinged chuckling, Arquette explained a run-in that he had with some folks from the Westboro Baptist Church while they were picketing the Super Bowl. They made sure to damn him to Hell but considering their mixed up ideology, that might not be such a bad thing.
Winter has finally hit, for real this time. It's cold. It's dark. Your New Year's resolutions have undoubtedly failed by now. You'll be spending yet another Valentine's Day alone. Don't despair. Let hate warm you up. Here's an arbitrary list of seven careers full of people you should hate.
A lot happened while the Colbert Report was on break last week but nothing was as captivating for Stephen Colbert as the emergence of New York Knick point guard Jeremy Lin. Stephen has been so caught up in the swirl, he is barely bothered by CNN's absurd coverage of Lin and instead has just been brainstorming about possible endorsement deals for him.
In his first Daily Show after a week off, Jon Stewart had a lot to catch up on. He started with the controversy over birth control insurance and the extreme reaction that the right has had. Stewart took a look at the hypocrisy espoused by the right, and highlighted the particularly terrible reaction of Rick Santorum who, obviously, can't abide all of this. It takes too much time away from him imposing God's will on all of us.
