The BBC show Bizarre ER featured a college student named Holly whose jaw got dislocated after a very vigorous yawn. While being stuck with your mouth agape is pretty horrifying, you'll never believe how doctors got it closed.

Vice Media, the parent company of Vice magazine, VBS.tv, and other editorial ventures whose quality content is still tinged by a permanent veil of—well, you know what we mean—is now insanely rich. Are you surprised?

Ke$ha invites Britney to get naked with her. Rosie O'Donnell is on Team Chris Brown. Christina Aguilera giggles at her "hiccups." Lindsay Lohan causes another fender-bender. Tuesday gossip is hit or miss.

This actress may be A-List, but it doesn't stop her from having chronic stinky flatulence. This famous couple is breaking up. This famous couple with a few cases of botched plastic surgery to their name has pictures of their latest three-way floating around. Is there an operation to get rid of a smell?

It was only two weeks ago that Knut the world famous polar bear drowned at the Berlin Zoo. And early today, officials told the AP that a six-year-old Indian elephant named Shaina Pali died there. A veterinarian suspects an infection is the cause of death, and a necropsy is being performed.

North Andover High School saw their prom night cut short after four students became "violently ill" from eating some tainted pot brownies. Or maybe they just couldn't handle them? It's unclear. Fret not! A probe is underway. Once again, friends, a few bad apples have spoiled this absolutely horrendous-looking evening of rented tuxes and rubber chicken for the bunch. Unfortunately, the video from the event is pretty tame. If not a full-on Carrie moment, I was at the very least hoping to see one girl screaming that her corsage was trying to eat her. [WCVB]

[Biggest Star in the Universe] + [Cornrowed Product of His Seed*] + [Widely Loathed Director Addicted to Twist Endings] = Apocalypse Soon.

After losing more than 300 advertisers in the last year, Glenn Beck may lose his Fox News show when his contract expires in December. And on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert did his best to prepare us for the upcoming "Glennpocalypse."

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a one-two punch against President Obama. First, Stewart criticized the President for his lackluster first campaign video. Then he marveled at Obama's lack of transparency, despite repeated promises of increased openness.

You know The Guy Who Tries Too Hard? The guy who talks too loud about how hot his girlfriend is and how good at fighting he is? That Guy is running for president. His name is Tim Pawlenty.

Kirstie Alley started off this season of Dancing with the Stars in surprisingly strong fashion. On tonight's live performance show, however, the 60-year-old took an embarrassing tumble after partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy's leg gave out from under her. Oy gevalt.

That was fast: Six months after he started seeing Alexandra Lenas, Sean Parker is engaged to the singer/songwriter. Parker has made a number of sudden life changes since Justin Timberlake played him in The Social Network, actually.

Quiz time! Is the gentleman pictured on the left actor Christopher Walken sporting a new mustache? Or is it one Tony A. Kadyhrob, accused of harrassing and attempting to abduct college students at a variety of New Jersey colleges?

Someone sent America's most Muslim-hating congressman, Rep. Peter King (R - N.Y.), a package containing a bloody pig's foot—accompanied by an anti-Semitic note exhorting King to "Kiss my black Muslim ass." Time to find the congressional gift declaration form!

The hacker collective Anonymous threatened to attack Sony web servers today, and sure enough Sony.com and Playstation.com are now down. But Sony is blaming the outage on "sporadic maintenance." Oh, is that what they're calling it these days?

When it comes to fertility, the only part of a man's nether region that matters is the part nobody ever bothered to measure: the taint. Scientists at the University of Rochester Medical Center have found that the "anogenital distance"—the distance between a man's scrotum and anus—correlates with male fertility. The greater the grundle, the higher the sperm count. If a man's balls and asshole are less than two inches apart, he is 7x more likely to be "sub-fertile" than his large-grundled peers.

Guess some people don't mind being told what to watch as much as I do. Cable's new crop of prestige dramas—AMC's The Killing, Reelz' The Kennedys, and Showtime's The Borgias—all performed rather well last night.

Former Engadget editor Joshua Topolsky and a bunch of his old staff have defected from Engadget owner AOL to a blogging company run by their former boss. But not before making clear how much AOL sucked.

A major construction project has begun around the West Wing of the White House, shrouding a "expanding and sometimes earsplitting zone of excavation" with plywood fences. This "overdue upgrade of underground utilities," according to the AP, will take years to complete.

As plague of gibberish sweeps North America's TV personalities—from Judge Judy's linguistic meltdown to Serene Branson's migraine to Sarah Carlson's seizure to Mark McAllister speaking in tongues—intrepid British spaz rag The Daily Mail asks, is a government conspiracy afoot?