A teenager has been arrested for trying to smuggle $10,000 worth of marijuana across the Mexico-U.S. border.

If anything will make it easier for House conservatives to back off on shutting down the government this week, it's the prospect of a different, and much larger fight over the federally funded social safety net. House Republicans are preparing to introduce a 10-year budget Tuesday that will eliminate Medicare and replace it with a private insurance system that closely resembles the new health care law, and end Medicaid as an entitlement program all together.

If you're anything like me, you spent many afternoons after school enthralled by the adventures of Lion-O and his fellow ThunderCats. Banking on collective nerd nostalgia (guilty!) and the exploitable ignorance of kids more than half my age who have no clue this isn't an entirely new phenomenon, Cartoon Network is remaking the show.

Vanquished social network MySpace will open its books to interested buyers Wednesday. The only problem is that the books look horrible and no one is interested in buying.

The Obama Administration will announce this afternoon what's been expected for about a year now: Self-described 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed won't be tried in a New York civilian court as originally planned and instead will go before a military commission at Guantanamo Bay. That's an unusual way to follow up the PR blitz surrounding your campaign launch, isn't it? By caving? No! Shut up! Fewer questions, more donations!

When the five horsewomen of the apocalypse finally bring about their Armageddon on the seven million families that live in gated communities, there will only be one thing left for us to remember them by: their stuff. Let's sift through the Real Housewives rubble.

More than 175 million people have registered for Twitter accounts. Which sounds very impressive. Sadly for the microblogging startup's multi billion dollar valuation, at least 68 percent of those registrations are considered dormant.

Last night Jersey Shore heffalump Snooki was the main feature at WWE's biggest event of the year, Wrestlemania. Watch her kick WWE Women's Champion Michelle McCool's ass with this insane back handspring maneuver and then pin her with a Bam-Bam Bigelow style cartwheel. This girl sure has a lot of coordination—when she's not wasted and falling down in the sand.

President Obama has officially filed the paperwork for his 2012 reelection bid, as you may have been notified by email, text, tweet, second email, carrier pigeon, secret government brainwave transmission, and so on. The announcements comes with this video of campaign supporters urging you to begin constant grassroots organizing efforts, immediately. The campaign website asks "Are you in?" and urges you to "Get In with Facebook."

Rescued after three weeks afloat a mile and a half from the coast of Kesennuma in northern Japan, an extremely cute dog named Ban has been reunited with his owner.

It's semi-official: Katie Couric is leaving as the CBS Evening News anchor. Although only old people watch evening newscasts, the position still carries a definite cultural cachet. Who's next? We handicap, below.

A strange, scary coda to the Duke lacrosse rape scandal: Crystal Mangum, the stripper who falsely accused three college lacrosse players of rape, has been charged for stabbing her boyfriend in the chest with "intent to kill." The boyfriend was treated at the Duke University Hospital, the same hospital that treated Crystal when she cried rape. Yesterday's arrest was Crystal's second since the Duke rape scandal; last year, she was sentenced to 88 days in jail for assaulting her previous boyfriend in front of his children, then setting his clothes on fire. This lady wreaks havoc on all who encounter her. [WRAL via Crimesider, image of Crystal in 2008 via AP]

Ryan Kwanten eagerly awaits his superhero franchise. Justin Trousersnake canoodles Olivia Wilde. Reese Witherspoon releases pictures from her wedding. Monday's gossip roundup is a roundup of action.

This starlet walked the red carpet hopped up on crystal. This young actress ruined her face with plastic surgery. This boy bander spent a naked night with a male buddy. And this actress is sleeping with her more famous costar. This may be her big break after all.

Our ongoing story arc in Libya has been really tough on Republicans, who hate black presidents but love bombing Muslims, so we're glad to see Senator/tease Lindsey Graham (R - S.C.) back in his element, wondering if maybe this whole "constitution" thing has kind of run its course:

The first night of fighter jet Charlie Sheen's national tour may have been an unmitigated disaster, but the poem-fingered Vatican assassin seemed to have, uhm, recovered in time for Sunday night's Chicago show, which seemed to—the Chicago Tribune's Steve Johnson writes—"satisfy, if not amaze, concertgoers."

YouTube user merfitudinal snagged this outtake from Fox News' Saturday media show "Fox News Watch" before it was taken off the website. You may be surprised to learn that cable news talk show discussions are not as spontaneous as they seem! And you may be further surprised to know that cable news channels will edit their talk shows so that their hosts don't look completely ignorant and petty! Then again, you may not. [via Reddit]

"An ingenious set of experiments," The New Scientist reports, "could open the way to cannabis-like drugs that provide pain relief without causing unwanted highs." First of all: Unwanted? Second of all: What is wrong with you, scientists??

Ai Weiwei, the artist behind the 2008 Olympics' famous Bird's Nest stadium (and last year's Tate Modern Turbine Hall show), has been detained by Chinese authorities in Beijing after attempting to board a flight to Hong Kong. Ai—a funny guy whose "Study in Perspective" series has a special place in our eternally-teenaged hearts—has been "keeping an informal tally" on Twitter of the writers and activists detained by China in its latest series of crackdowns; as of this writing it's unclear whether he'd been "formally detained" (bad news) or simply held for questioning (less bad news). Police have also surrounded his Beijing studio and cut off its power, just in case any art escapes. [WSJ; image via MoMA ("Study in Perspective - Beijing") and AP]

Maybe we've lived in New York for too long, but we were impressed with how cozy (not "coffin-like") this 12x7 "microstudio" in Upper West Side is. And the $700/month rent isn't too bad either. Plus, you can have fun pretending you're a giant in the shrunken-down bathroom.